AIBU to think my husband is too harsh about five-year-olds cartwheel?

How’s it going, OP? Have you been able to address your H’s unacceptable behaviour?

There you go. No-one was puzzled when this became part of "The Fast Show"

Enjoy.

No idea what being a man has to do with it.

What happened when you told him to stop being such a miserable, joy sucking cunt?

God, these men!

So agree with this.
You blame both parents when you are bullied.
The one who bullied and the one who stood by and allowed it.

I came here to say just this.

Your daughter will remember how her dad made her feel but she will also remember how YOU didn’t step in to protect her.

So she is going to end constantly trying to please him. And scared to “fail”. Your DH is being awful. Your daughter only has one childhood.

That is so true, my neighbour frightened my daughter one time and she burst out crying, all the neighbours do a street party every year with games and the others all knew him but she didn’t, she was really small and he still feels terrible about it years later too.

An old friend of mine once accidentally made a child cry and feels bad about it years later. He did it once. Accidentally. With a child that wasn’t his own. And he still feels empathy for that child who is now grown up.

To do that deliberately, to a child you are supposed to love and keep safe and to not show any remorse is just unfathomable to me.

What exactly is it about this man that you find attractive? Winding a small child up to tears is fucking vile,

So how are you going to make sure of that OP? Your child’s father is a wanker, unfortunately. Not much you can do about it that now except dump him and try to choose a nice one next time.

He is continually doing things that he KNOWS will upset his 5 yr old daughter? It’s appalling, and the opposite of normal parenting instinct. The stuff about taking her favourite cup, etc is really cruel and it’s incredible an adult man is going out of his way to do these things.

Frankly, it’s emotional abuse. Can you get your Mum or someone to take your daughter out for a couple of hours tomorrow while you have a showdown with him? You need to read him
the riot act; do not listen to any of his bs justification. Tell him it stops right now or he can leave the home. Put your poor daughter first.

Hate to say it but your DH is bully, this is bully behavior, taking her favorite cup to the point she's in tears, disregarding her efforts, girl put your foot down and tell him to stop bullying your child talk to him about it all otherwise it'll get worse, damage her confidence and self esteem.

I work in a school and I often hear these types of stories were a parent has bullied their child knowing or unknowingly it's a whole other rabbit hole once this behavior is out.

You mention his dad was the same with him. Does he like reading? There’s a brilliant book by Philippa Perry called the book you wish your parents had read- it’s great for making you aware of how your parenting style is affected by your childhood. If you can get him to read it then it might help

Uncle not father but I do relate.

A lot of this is reminding me of one of my uncles, he loves to try and provoke a reaction from all the family with this kind of thing. He would still think it was funny to be bringing up the cartwheels to get a reaction if, say, she was 25 and introducing him to a new partner. That uncle has been barely speaking to the family since 2019 which started over something twatty; his constant need to provoke a reaction is something I don't miss and is one reason why I am not doing anything to try and bring about a reconciliation (there is more to it than that but it's not relevant to the thread).

He is absolutely an arsehole. He is a bully, picking on your lovely daughter for his own gratification. You need to speak to him about his behaviour. Hopefully he will change but if not you need to consider your future together. Can you really stay with someone who bullies his own child?

Unfortunately so many adults, not just dads, have zero understanding of child development and how important these kind of interactions are for their child’s future mental health, and setting the tone for a future parent/child relationship.

If he’s constantly making her cry, she could become quite anxious; she might even start to expect to be upset by him. its best to nip this in the bud, and in this case explain to him that one day she WILL be able to do a perfect cartwheel, because she’s practised it so many times. Just like one day she’ll be able to ride a bike…. Moving forward - one day she’ll learn to read, then to write, to drive a car etc etc. Being a child and then a teen is all about learning processes. Is he going to tell her she’s crap at every stage? Or perhaps he needs to learn to support her now, so that one day when she’s 17 and learning to drive they don’t have a blazing row on a main road. The foundations are so important, so just tell him to stop bring a nob and do better! X

No way in fuck I’d let anyone bully my 5 yr old like this, let alone a grown man.

My father used to do stuff like this to me - he would hide my favourite cuddly toy because he thought my distress was entertaining.
He shattered my confidence in so many ways and it has affected me for the rest of my life.

I speak to him maybe three times a year these days.

LTB

I would record it next time it happens discretely. I'd document the times hes done it recently. I'd save it somewhere safe. I'd then speak to him in the strongest terms. He either changes or he leaves.
These types of people will go for 50/50 if you separate and you need to ensure she's with him as little as possible. Tbh this would be a huge turn off for me and I'd be already thinking there is no way back.

I'd go further than this and say that at the moment his behaviour indicates that he will undermine her educational pursuits and I would be very tempted to keep him clear of all of that. I wouldn't want him commenting on her homework and making her feel anxious or stupid.

So what if he knows something about gymnastics. Doesn't mean he's the best teacher? What he's doing by constantly criticizing his little DDs attempts at cartwheels is saying "I'm the expert in gymnastics. You should listen to me but your attempts are no good."
He's just showing off.. He had something that he's good at and he has to parade it in front of his DC.
He's very insecure isn't he?
Seriously awful way to treat a five year old who should be given every encouragement and positive feed back and most of all allowed to make mistakes because that is the way we learn.

I feel so sad reading this. My dad always used to tease or wind up my sister and me until we cried. Looking back and now having my own children I can’t understand what kick he got out of this. We don’t have a great relationship now and I see him as a bit of a bully.

He's a grown adult man and you're her mother. Due to thevfact that he is reducing her to tears/you are allowing him to reduce her to tears, I won't stop short of saying that this is emotional abuse. Stop this right now.

My ex-husband to a tee. Notice I said “ex”, it was things like this that contributed. Anyone who puts someone down for their own enjoyment is not a nice human, especially when it’s their own children. Did he grow up with siblings? Sounds like petty sibling behaviour to me