AIBU to feel angry after my ex took the car back?

Yes. He’s a controlling wanker. But because it’s in his name it was inevitable really. He has nothing to hold over you now. Try to have as little contact with him as possible and make sure he is paying enough maintenance. You’ll be better off once this situation is sorted. Could you save any money on insurance and car maintenance by using public transport?

invoice him for the nursery fees and the MOT’s etc

Is the car in your name. Who has all the paperwork?

I'd love to hear his side of this.

So I don’t think YABU as he sounds like a petty selfish twat who’s point scoring at the expense of his children’s education.

But I do think it should serve as a bit of a life lesson to us all- and I am always astonished by how some people (mainly women) accept being put in a vulnerable position so willingly. Of course he wanted the car in his name and to pay that rather than the nursery fees- legally it is his, he’s acquired an asset and you haven’t. Wouldn’t it have made sense for him to pay the nursery, and you pay for the car if he had one already? Why didn’t he put it into your name once the fees were paid off?

I think we as women need to understand that if you want the security of a house your name needs to be on the deeds/ rental agreement, if you want to make sure you keep the car it needs to be in your name. Don’t be screwed over financially because you’re bullied into thinking it’s normal/ not making a fuss.

Exactly how I saw it too. He may be legally entitled, but they made an agreement, OP kept up her part, so morally he’s an arse. Doesn’t care how his children are going to get to school? What a prince.

You should have refused and told him to stick to the original agreement.

But yes, he's a prick to do that to you. Did it really come out of the blue? Is it in retaliation for something (like you not doing what he says re childcare arrangements?)

I think he has made so many empty threats that the op is blindsided he has actually taken it .

Cancel the insurance ASAP.

Find yourself a cheap run around and be so glad he can't hold the car over you anymore .

So if it was paid before you split then how was he " paying the finance " on the car as you said in the op

It's rubbish that he took the car with no warning because it impacts the children.
But he has threatened to take the car a number of times and you have been separated for three years. So I'm surprised you didn't get a car in your own name much earlier. I think the safest bet is to never trust an ex.

Unfortunately it is NOT your car. You might be the registered keeper, but as the finance was in his name then the car belongs to him. Even though you have maintained it for 3 years, he is still the owner.

But waiting until term starts then taking the car that he doesn't even need makes him an absolute arsehole.

How old are the kids? Can you move them to a more local school?

You are going to need to find a solution quickly. Have you already contacted the school and let them know what has happened?

How far away have you moved and how soon can you get a new car? Does he have any say in where they go to school or could you switch them to a local one?

He's been a twat.
Cancel the insurance.

Sorry OP, that must be massively inconvenient and a real pain to sort.

But it demonstrates once again, how important it is to get a proper legal agreement over finances when you split and have everything in writing. What someone says or agrees right after a split (especially if they’re feeling guilty) just doesn’t hold up as the years roll by. You should have had the car transferred over and, if he wouldn’t agree, have put in a claim for nursery fees.

Not only do you protect yourself from losses like this, but you remove the emotional tie too.

Surely in the divorce agreement the marital assets were split. The assets would include the cars?
either way this coming to your house and demanding keys sounds like a dick move, designed to get you where it hurts, without a care for his children.

Was there a written agreement? Otherwise you don’t have a leg to stand on.

@Walkerss People giving you a hard time are missing the point that you paid for the nursery fees and him the car as a joint financial decision so you were effectively paying for the car too.

The hindsight observation was that you should have put the car in your name at the time. You both paid for a joint expense but he ended up with a tangible asset and you didn’t.

That’s unfair.

The car was bought for OP and he left the car with OP so that his children aren’t impacted.

Its ok for him to change his mind if he’s struggling financially etc but most decent parents would put their kids and kids education before their own needs and at the very least give OP time to buy a new one.

Perhaps you’re not a parent (or very good one) which is why this is difficult for you to understand.

Then they should have transfered the car into her name. Agreeing to keep a car she didn’t own was just silly.

Well explained

Don't be such a wuss.

Get a car of your own.

Here we go again another pile on from some presumably mothers on another mother who is asking for support.
Yes the father has made threats in the past but his current actions punish his children more than his ex wife. What father that cared about his children's welfare would do that? Turn up demand the keys and drive off leaving his children with a long walk to school. Abusive bastard.

@TGT you are over invested in this thread. Your constant questions are borderline harassment and intimidation of @Walkerss at a time she needs support and practical solutions. Your autism has no relevance here.
@Walkerss can you borrow a car or look into getting a car on finance? Hopefully you have family and friends that can help. What ages are your children?

Reframe this - you are now free from the constant threats to take the car - congratulations 🥳

A decent person would have given you time to sort a car out. Considering the main thing you probably do with the car is drive both of your kids to places in it, I think he had been horrible to just turn up and take it like that. It’s been three years yes, but just turning up one day out of the blue and demanding the keys is shitty. When he knows you have to take the kids to school.
does he do his fair share of days? Or are you left with the majority of child rearing too? I bet it’s the latter.
he has gone for three years without needing this car and he could have said a month ago that he would need it to give you time to sort out arrangements.
can you source another car? My nephew just got one for 500 quid on face book market place and it drives pretty well, it’s a tiny runaround but you might be able to get something quick like that while you sort out a decent car for the longer term.

This.