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Original poster

To think my dd is being unfair for wanting concert tickets after she said granddaughter can’t go with grandson?

65 replies

YummyYakuza · 09/09/2026 13:37

My grandson turned 17 last Tuesday, he lives with me FT and doesn't see his mum (my dd) at all really nor do they gave a relationship. My relationship with dd is also rocky and she can block me and go months without talking to me so I don't see of have contact my other grandchildren that live with her during this time

GS doesn't really have a relationship with his siblings and hates when they come over on those rare occasions they do , he used to follow his sister (13) on instagram but he then blocked her because he felt she was spying on him

I posted about him recently but i’m really struggling with him, he failed all his gcses, smokes weed, self harms, spends all his time in his room gaming ajd on his pc his sleep schedule is all over the place tbh and every conversation turns into an argument. He won’t engage with anyone though and no one will help

For his birthday he asked for money so I agave him some and on the same day he bought 2 concert tickets for next Thursday in London, he said they’re for him and his sister which I was surprised with because he’s not ever wanted to do anything with her before

His sister lives closer to London than us but dd has said no she isn’t going with him but then said if he really wants her to go then he has to give her (dd) the tickets as he cant have it both ways where he wants to do something nice but also go himself. My granddaughter knows about the tickets and is looking forward to it. My dd has also mentioned that under 14s need an 18+ year old there but gd is a month off being 14 and that probably wouldn’t be an issue as she does look older than her age

I really don’t know what to suggest to him as he wants to go and has spent most of his birthday money on the tickets (he only got it off me so it wasn’t loads but he was happy) and dd hasn’t mentioned anything about giving him any money for them, she just wants the tickets. He has said he’ll just go on his own “like always” but then said he doesn’t want his sister to miss out as she likes the artist too

What would you do? Is dd being unfair here?

OP posts:
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croydon15 · 10/09/2026 22:13

Bigcat25 · 09/09/2026 15:10

Don't dare let him give his birthday gift to his sister. How profoundly depressing that he must minimize himself on his birthday to such a degree at the behest of his mother. You can't enable this as his only supporter.

His mom sounds horrible with the on off blocking and everything else.

This - your dd sounds a horrible mother to her ds, has he got no friend to go with him. He's lucky to have you, poor youngster.

ALJT · 10/09/2026 09:21

Missey85 · 10/09/2026 08:31

She doesn't sound like she should be anybodys mum 😞 some people shouldn't have kids there are so many amazing people that would make great parents but can't yet losers like this seem to breed like rabbits

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Fully agree, my heart is breaking for this young man!

Lindy2 · 10/09/2026 09:07

Your daughter wants to take her son's birthday present off him and have it herself? What a nasty piece of work she is.

It's your grandson's present. His tickets and he gets to go.

He has 3 options.

  • he goes alone and sells the other ticket.
  • he goes with a friend
  • he goes with you.
Wiseplumnet · 10/09/2026 08:56

Missey85 · 10/09/2026 08:24

The problem sounds like his useless mother I'd say she's the cause of his behaviour imagine knowing your mum doesn't want you but then goes on to have more kids? Poor boy but I forgot this is Mumsnet and it's never the mums fault even if it obviously is she'll get a free pass as usual

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It doesn't look like the Mum is getting a 'free pass' on this one. Reactions have been unanimously condemning of her so far.

KatbJoy · 10/09/2026 08:55

As a child that also experienced rejection from a mother this is the reason for all his issues and rebellion. He feels deeply unwanted.

On top of that his mum is clearly abusive which probably is the reason for his self harm and being unable to emotionally regulate.

The only thing that helped me was a routine, sport I liked and writing. Everyone has different ability.

I did got into bad crowd at 19 and it took a lot to cut them out later on.

I found later on what I needed was being safe at home and accepted for all my imperfections and loved regardless.

Therapist also helps and there are hypnotherapy downloads online which are very helpful as well. Especially about self love and acceptance.

I also hope you will protect your grandson from his mum. I also hope you will let him keep the tickets or go with him to connect with him. He deserves to be loved and have nice things even if he's different.

Meand2Ls · 10/09/2026 08:36

My heart is broken for him.
Does he have any friends he could take?
I know he wanted to take his sister which is lovely but honestly your DD will just ruin this for him either way and that’s not worth it

Missey85 · 10/09/2026 08:31

ALJT · 09/09/2026 17:41

His mam is a nasty piece of work

She doesn't sound like she should be anybodys mum 😞 some people shouldn't have kids there are so many amazing people that would make great parents but can't yet losers like this seem to breed like rabbits

Missey85 · 10/09/2026 08:27

thisismeithinkorisit · 09/09/2026 19:25

The siblings have no relationship so of course DSis shouldn't go with him. Hoenstly I'm amazed you didn't talk about this with him in advnance.

But of course he doesn't give his present away. You essentially brought him two concert tickets for his present. So why don't you go with him?

Or just maybe his found something in common with his sister and wishes to try and have a relationship with her

Missey85 · 10/09/2026 08:24

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 09/09/2026 13:57

im really struggling with him, he failed all his gcses, smokes weed, self harms, spends all his time in his room gaming ajd on his pc his sleep schedule is all over the place tbh and every conversation turns into an argument. He won’t engage with anyone though and no one will help

was he a risk to the younger children at home?

The problem sounds like his useless mother I'd say she's the cause of his behaviour imagine knowing your mum doesn't want you but then goes on to have more kids? Poor boy but I forgot this is Mumsnet and it's never the mums fault even if it obviously is she'll get a free pass as usual

ClaredeBear · 10/09/2026 08:16

I’d not let a 14 year old go with him - no judgement, the poor lad has issues and it’s no wonder, but he can’t be responsible for a 14 year old he has a poor relationship with. Tbh I’m more concerned that he’s a month off 18 and the potential for him to be refused access if unaccompanied. Do you know the venue? Are they strict?

Xanhi · 10/09/2026 07:34

His sister is too young to go with him. They don't have a good relationship and he doesn't sound responsible enough to be in charge of a young teenager. He should go with a friend.

Your Daughter's relationship with her son sounds terrible but that is a whole other issue that one concert is not going to solve.

IButtleSir · 10/09/2026 07:10

Am I the only one who thinks it's a spectacularly bad idea for a weed-smoking 17-year-old to take a 13-year-old to a concert?

Tell your grandson to go with a friend. He's not responsible enough to be in charge of a younger child.

CeeCee702 · 10/09/2026 00:48

Your DD (if you can refer to her as dear) is an asshole, and absolutely being unreasonable… what a CF, and that’s putting it nicely. Even if she offered GS the money it’s beyond the point. He purchased the tickets for himself to go. They are HIS. I hope he goes and has a lovely time.

OneNewEagle · 09/09/2026 23:01

OP can you buy yourself a ticket and go with them?

OneNewEagle · 09/09/2026 23:00

Your poor GS. That’s his birthday present, not something his spiteful mother who didn’t even buy him a gift can take.

as for going to a concert with younger sibling I was only about 16 when I took my younger DS so she was 13. She needed a chaperone to see a band she liked so I took her. That was in a city nowhere near where we lived. A parent dropped us off and collected us after. But I was completely responsible for her as I had been most of my life. So there’s nothing wrong with a 17 year old brother taking his sibling to a concert, completely normal.

OP your GS needs a lot of suppprt here. His mother, I’m not sure she should even be called that, shouldn’t be anywhere near him. He deserves far better.

Sallysredshoes · 09/09/2026 19:53

Thistimearound · 09/09/2026 19:14

I don’t think it needs to be anything sinister. The boy doesn’t know his sister well (and likely harbours a LOT of resentment about the fact that his mother never looked after him but yet does the sister and other sibling(s)) but knows she likes a particular band or singer. He maybe doesn’t have too many friends himself or just desperately wants to connect with her in the only way he can think of and used his only birthday money to buy concert tickets. His horrid mother has now put the idea in his head that him offering his sister this gift is somehow selfish of him and of course he now thinks that, yet again, there’s something wrong with him and he can’t do anything right.

Maybe she is too young to go with someone who probably doesn’t know how to look after her, but he’s trying to do a good deed and feels punished for it.

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Maybe he is ..but the op had another thread about him ,and I wouldn't let him loose with a child he was responsible for ..
I wasn't actually meaning anything sinister actually...but I can see how I worded it ,might of implied I was .
I just think ,they are both vulnerable,and both need an adult with them ideally to attend

nomas · 09/09/2026 19:27

His sister lives closer to London than us but dd has said no she isn’t going with him but then said if he really wants her to go then he has to give her (dd) the tickets as

So his mum wants him to give her his birthday concert tickets so she and her daughter can go instead? It's so ludicrous I need it confirmed 😂

[dd says] he cant have it both ways where he wants to do something nice but also go himself.

What would the point of buying concert tickets if he can't go?

Your dd sounds truly awful.

thisismeithinkorisit · 09/09/2026 19:25

The siblings have no relationship so of course DSis shouldn't go with him. Hoenstly I'm amazed you didn't talk about this with him in advnance.

But of course he doesn't give his present away. You essentially brought him two concert tickets for his present. So why don't you go with him?

Yytrtt · 09/09/2026 19:19

ChalkOutlines · 09/09/2026 18:37

Sadly, it’s becoming more and more obvious (if your other thread wasn’t enough) why your DGS is the way he is OP.

Exactly this!!

It’s a miracle he’s not 100x worse.

Thistimearound · 09/09/2026 19:14

Sallysredshoes · 09/09/2026 18:35

No ..my 13 year old DD would not be going in to London in the evening on any night with any 17 year old ..never mind a brother or half brother she doesn't know .
So if he stays in his room when they come over ,they basically don't know each other..it doesn't make sense..why would be not want them in the house .or not want them in his room ,yet want to go to a concert with one of them.
A weed smoking boy ,who dropped out of education,would not be taking my DD anywhere..I can't imagine he would be able to be responsible for her ,unless someone..an adult was taking the pair of them ,it would be a no from me .
However
The mother sounds unhinged
The son needs CAMHS appointments

I don’t think it needs to be anything sinister. The boy doesn’t know his sister well (and likely harbours a LOT of resentment about the fact that his mother never looked after him but yet does the sister and other sibling(s)) but knows she likes a particular band or singer. He maybe doesn’t have too many friends himself or just desperately wants to connect with her in the only way he can think of and used his only birthday money to buy concert tickets. His horrid mother has now put the idea in his head that him offering his sister this gift is somehow selfish of him and of course he now thinks that, yet again, there’s something wrong with him and he can’t do anything right.

Maybe she is too young to go with someone who probably doesn’t know how to look after her, but he’s trying to do a good deed and feels punished for it.

PurpleLovecats · 09/09/2026 19:11

I agree with others that you should chaperone and wait outside. Under no circumstances should mum get the tickets, she’s an absolute disgrace.

shecanbe · 09/09/2026 18:57

This is actually heartbreaking to read. It's obvious the GS has asked the sister (who is only 14) to go with him as he doesn't have any friends of his own age. And now his 'mother' is even using that against him. When she got her son no gift for his birthday! What kind of mother is this? She sounds really nasty and I'd question if she should have any children living with her at all.

Of course he has a confused relationship with his siblings. Imagine if your mother never wanted to bring you up, but then went on to have other children who she did manage to have live with her. No wonder he is isolated and has behaviour issues.

What is actually wrong with the mother OP? Are there mental health issues? Is she stable enough for the children she does have living with her? How many kids does she have?

Thank god the GS has you. I know he's angry now and it can't be easy, but one day he will realise that you were the one always there for him. You may have saved his life actually.

Why don't you offer to go into London with them both and just wait nearby while the concert is on. If the DD doesn't get in due to needing age ID, then she can wait with you in a restaurant or something, and DS can go in alone. It's fine once you're in there. Lots of young people go to gigs alone if eg, they don't have friends who like the particular band, or can't afford it.

If your daughter won't allow the DD to go at all (even if you accompany), then is there anyone else your DS can go with?

INeverReallyLovedYouAnyway · 09/09/2026 18:37

Sallysredshoes · 09/09/2026 18:35

No ..my 13 year old DD would not be going in to London in the evening on any night with any 17 year old ..never mind a brother or half brother she doesn't know .
So if he stays in his room when they come over ,they basically don't know each other..it doesn't make sense..why would be not want them in the house .or not want them in his room ,yet want to go to a concert with one of them.
A weed smoking boy ,who dropped out of education,would not be taking my DD anywhere..I can't imagine he would be able to be responsible for her ,unless someone..an adult was taking the pair of them ,it would be a no from me .
However
The mother sounds unhinged
The son needs CAMHS appointments

Yeah. This, to be honest…

ChalkOutlines · 09/09/2026 18:37

Sadly, it’s becoming more and more obvious (if your other thread wasn’t enough) why your DGS is the way he is OP.

ChalkOutlines · 09/09/2026 18:35

EmmaB1309 · 09/09/2026 17:54

Doesn’t anyone else feel uneasy about the thought of a just turned 17 year old, and quite a troubled, vulnerable one at that, taking his 13 year old sister to a concert? Especially if they aren’t being dropped off and picked up.

If I felt THAT uneasy I would say no. Or , buy a ticket for myself to join or just take DD there, wait for them outside and then take her back.

What I wouldn’t do is demand that a child(MY child) gives me and my DD the tickets he bought with his own birthday money!!