AIBU to feel unfairly ostracised after a joke at the sports club?

Mumsnet is extremely anti surrogacy which I get. For gay people to have children, one of the main methods is surrogacy. OPs comment is not that wild and the reaction she’s had is disproportionate.

Having a child when both partners are the same sex is impossible in the sense that the two together cannot create a child. Of course there are other ways which require more effort and organisation. I think the comment was outdated but that’s all, it wasn’t discriminatory in my view and why safeguarding are involved is a mystery. It seems odd others have got involved and taken offence. Unless there are other things that were said it seems to me total overreaction which makes no sense and as if they like drama and want to create problems

it’s not homophobic. Without any intervention or effort it’s true. OP just made a joke back.

I think what you said was perfectly fine. I also think the people on this thread who are so certain that what you said was wrong would be saying whatever the hell society tells them to; so if they lived in Russia during communism they would agree with that etc.
Anyway it is blindingly obvious that a gay man will not be able to have a baby without expensive medical interventions, pretending this isn’t true is just dishonest

Have you ever got the impression that they don’t really like you before? It feels like it’s escalated more than if they thought of you as someone they like. They might have just said something directly to you if you were a friend and you’d upset them.

Your comment was ill-advised but her own jocular remark was in a similar vein. She led the conversation in that direction and then used weaponised an official process against you.

It seems like a classic bait-and-switch to me…

Completely ridiculous overreaction. If anyone should be offended, it should be the person whose sexuality she’s publicly discussing.
I’d call her out on it, you’ve nothing to lose.

I’d counter report that her publicly announcing a males (child’s?) sexuality to other adults is out of line.

Announcing the sexuality of a non blood related person too. It’s actually not her place to do that. I’m sure if he was heterosexual she wouldn’t have made the comment.

Yours was equally as dim in response but not safeguarding imo.

She sounds a complete drama llama, and I can’t imagine why safeguarding have got involved.

It was a tactless comment, but nothing horrendous. I’d just let the ostracisers sulk and ignore them.

sounds like you were a bit out of touch
but really their reaction is extreme

My teenage son is gay and his brother jokes with him and vice versa about his receding hairline . Don’t beat yourself my son would have just laughed, world gone crazy !!

Complete over reaction from the friend, a bit like some of he replies on this thread, the woman sounds a nightmare and childish, she could have pulled you up on the comment you made at the time, but instead made a mountain out of a mole hill.

Because ‘having children’ can be through adoption and surrogacy - for straight and gay couples - and to make an assumption like that is ‘othering’. Unless you have been in a position where you have a characteristic that has been viewed by society as ‘less than’ ‘worse than’ and dehumanised, you won’t know how these seemingly insignificant to you phrases can chip away at you and cause psychological harm. But we all have a duty to create a society where everyone feels like they belong.

Maybe she reported you for being criminally unfunny?

You both said things which were not appropriate

It wasn’t so much a joke as it was a wildly ignorant thing to say, but we’ve all said dumb things before.

Fucking hell how do people get through life needing to be so constantly offended? It must be exhausting.

We’ve got to a point in life where nobody can say anything in case they “offend” someone.

She made a statement. I know gay people who would say the same. The OP responded in the same fashion and now suddenly it’s something for safeguarding. Get a bloody grip, seriously.

Interesting isn’t it that there are plenty of threads on here where posters openly say that they don’t believe that gay men should be allowed to have children.

Through surrogacy.

Through adoption, because of that one gay couple who adopted a baby and killed him, now they’re all a risk apparently.

And all of those threads have been left to stand because people are entitled to their opinions however bigoted.

And yet someone makes a jokey comment and suddenly everyone is offended? Come on!

Let’s not pretend that MN is tolerant towards gay couples having children, because it blatantly isn’t. So let’s not pretend that people genuinely believe the OP is a safeguarding risk.

I actually know gay men who don’t believe that gay couples should have children. Not because they believe that gay couples are an abuse risk, but because they believe that children need both a male and female role model. They’re not wrong actually. Biologically gay couples can’t have children. The only way a gay couple can have children is through artificial means, and maybe adoption. So it’s not wrong to state that grandchildren might not be on the cards. And it was a joke. There’s nothing to be devastated about not having grandchildren. It’s not like having fertility issues or anything.

Why is it controversial to say gay people can’t have kids? I mean they can, but not by standard human reproductive means unless they are “not gay” for ten minutes or have medical help or adopt. This making it much more complex. OP made a stupid joke and being ostracised by a club and by a woman who actually did make a homophobic statement seems absurd.

I don't think your comment sounds at all funny and it's just not a topic you would make jokes about, especially with someone you don't know.

And her and the behaviour of others isn’t ok either. It does seem vindictive.

Making discriminatory jokes/comments about a protected characteristic is certainly a safeguarding issue. It creates a culture where people, especially minirity grouos do not feel respected and emotionally safe.

I feel very sorry for you, these days it wasn't the correct thing to say, but she started the conversation by saying "gay as they come"
I could have easily made the same mistake as you, people are so touchy. I'm sure you meant it in a jokey inoffensive way 🙂
I have voted in support of you

You shouldn’t have said that. 100%

But she also shouldn’t have said what she said. I think she probably meant ‘camp’.

I think you need to apologise.

Why was she telling you her stepsons personal life? I would struggle socially to respond to such a comment out of nowhere

I agree. What does that even mean? It’s actually rather othering. I wonder if the woman actually has issues with her child being gay, some deeply buried homophobia and she’s lashed out at the OP.