AIBU to feel unfairly ostracised after a joke at the sports club?

There is someone where I work who can be professionally offended by anything she overhears in another's conversations that may in some (rare) circumstances be considered offensive in any way. I was reported by her for asking someone I knew very well and was good friends with, if English was her first language as she spoke it so well (despite her having a strong Asian accent, which I didn't mention) - apparently I was being racist enough to one of my closest friends there for that to be highly offensive and merit a full investigation by HR and possible punishment or even being sacked. This person wasn't part of the conversation, was sitting a couple of desks away, and my friend took it as the compliment I intended.

I think the key point in the OPs phrase was “anytime soon”. It must surely take longer for a male gay couple to have kids. Either via adoption or surrogacy. It’s not like there’s going to be an accidental pregnancy or even a planned quick pregnancy. So the woman won’t be having grandkids anytime soon. 🤷‍♀️

gay men are same sex attracted.
men can’t have babies.
Why is it homophobic to say that?

Her reaction was OTT but your comment was ignorant and mean-spirited. Did you apologise sincerely? Everyone says daft things now and again - I wonder if you've owned it fully?

"As gay as they come" could mean any number of things, many of them perfectly neutral depending on context.
He's highly active in the gay community/identifies strongly with it?
He's a six on the Kinsey scale/never experimented with girls?
He never questioned his sexuality/knew who he was from a young age?

It could also, of course, be very offensive and stereotypey, but there's nothing in the thread to tell us if that was the case.

Jokes are meant to be funny. So many people say stupid tni GS and then try to defend themselves "oh I was just joking".

Again, "as neurodivergent as they come" is only "highly offensive" if you view neurodivergence as a shameful thing, or if it's in a context where negative things are being said about neurodivergence.

I picked the neurodivergent example because it actually applies to me and my DC, and in no way would I be offended by it, if said as a neutral descriptive statement by someone who loved/respected me.

As I've said, it definitely could be said offensively based on tone/context, but there's nothing inherently offensive about saying someone is... an identifier that they do in fact identify with.
I wonder if these odd reactions are coming from people who grew up in the "I don't see colour, I don't notice sexuality, etc" era?

it’s a throw away comment that could just as easily have been said to a friend whose daughter got a big promotion at work.

personally ‘as gay as they come’ is more offensive

What? Plenty of gay men have kids, how on earth is Is it the reality and how on earth is her comment homophobic,

It was a crass and thoughtless thing to say. And quite hurtful. But they are making a huge fuss. But the other woman doesnt come across well saying gay as they come. Awful.

I also don’t understand op. It’s fine for her to say her son is gay, but why on earth does that mean he won’t have kids?

Good example
"As neurodivegent as they come" would be highly offensive.
Ditto "as gay ..."

Her comment was the homophobic one. Exactly what is "as gay as they come". Your comment was just the reality.

If the SGL doesn't find in your favour I'd be hugely surprised and consider reporting to the governing body of the sport(s) involved as the sports club are preventing your active participation.

It’s a dumb thing to say. I would avoid you.

I'm not lying about thinking it's shitty to comment on a couple's inability to have kids naturally and how that means they won't have kids any time soon. Nothing 'faux" about that, no matter how much orher posters wish it was.

As I said, taking it to safeguarding doesn't make sense to me. If something seems an overreaction there might be more to it than what's described in a few lines in a MN post

Me too im so confused. It was a bit of a mean thing to say from OP but definitely seems an overreaction

This is what happens when the highly insensitive meets the overlly sensitive I'm afraid.
You need to think before you speak and to find an environment that's a better fit for you. The fact they've all jumped on this so heavily without giving you one free pass suggests they probably didnt think you fit in well anyway.

Absolutely ridiculous reaction from the others. Performative faux outrage is used by people to exert control. Quite frankly it’s pathetic but many appear to subscribe to it as this thread shows.

It was her saying about the son being gay not the OP

Even if the stepson did have kids they wouldn't be her grandkids anyway

How is her son being gay a jokey conversation. What you said was inappropriate

FGS, report her for homophobia for saying 'as gay as they come'

While your comment was tactless and not funny at all, the drama that has been created around it among adults is absolutely pathetic. Sometimes we all say things that don't come out well, that land badly etc. It would be nice if people had the good grace to allow you to apologise and then all move on - you did apologise? As for it being a safeguarding concern, words fail me. One thing is for sure, if this blows over have nothing to do with these assholes again!

She started with an inappropriate comment, you chimed in with an equally/ even more inappropriate comment; she's massively overreacted and friends are taking sides...
Shut the whole club down 🤦🏾‍♀️.

The comment was ill judged but she’s gone OTT.

People say this to me all the time (my dd is gay) and tbh It doesn’t register enough for me to be offended (maybe because I also know that she doesn’t want children).