AIBU to feel unfairly ostracised after a joke at the sports club?

It was an awkward joke to make, but hardly offensive. Gay couples are much less likely to have children than straight couples (and lesbian couples are more likely than gay male couples, but still less likely than straight couples). So you weren't saying anything wrong or offensive.

She's really reaching in order to take offence there, and being incredibly over the top. Reporting you to safeguarding? Jesus.

Why was she discussing her step-sons sexuality in public anyway?
Thats inappropriate

You’re fine OP, what a lot of drama over nothing. If she was offended she should have said something then but it seems like you just made an off hand comment on what you thought was the tone of the conversation. Taking it to a higher level is absurd

@Sasco86
Your blunder here was not reading the room in a way that was socially acceptable to the group.
How things escalated makes me think that this evident faux pas was leapt upon by someone who wasn’t too keen on you to start with, and used as an excuse to ostracise you further.

Often pointing out facts in the way of a joke, which are connected to feelings and emotions doesn’t go down well in a group setting, especially in predominantly female ones. It’s one of the non written rules that the majority follow but some don’t notice.

She’s being extreme but it was a weird thing to say. She could’ve just said that to you though.

it was a shitty and possibly homophobic thing to say
No idea why its a safeguarding issue though and its unfair if your DC are being bullied becauseof it

She sounds twisted

To be honest OP, I think this woman didn't like you to start with for whatever reason and has used it as an excuse to get you thrown out. I'm not very keen on your so-called friends here either as they could have helped settle the matter down and spoke on your behalf but instead they've taken sides.
I wouldn't be surprised if down the line she found another victim - bullies like to be in charge.
Your comment was slightly insensitive but she started it and if I were you I would make a counter claim. Good luck OP, it's a hard one. x

Ridiculous reaction.

I would like to know if her husband knows she is publicly commenting on his son´s sexuality. Also she is a vindictive drama llama compounded by the fact she is a stepmother not the mother.

That was a hurtful, ignorant and poor taste thing to say.

If I were her I'd have simply challenged you on it in the moment so you'd see that it's not a jokey thing to joke about.

I know several lesbian or gay couples who have a child or children so firstly it's not even true these days that a gay stepson wouldn't have any children.

Also knowing straight friends with fertility challenges, any laughing and joking about the likelihood of grandchildren gives me the ick in general.

To you I'd say suck it up buttercup, do the unconscious bias training, and make an apology.

Good to see a sports club push back against homophobia, even if you meant it as a joke, it's not funny and I think you could do with reflecting on why it's escalated rather than asking Mumsnet to back you up and clear your conscience.

I can't imagine why your brain immediately jumped to an acquaintance's stepson having/not having children, let alone why you then said it out loud. It's an extremely weird response and not even nearly funny enough to be a joke.

That said while it's an absolute clanger, I don't know if I'd consider it worthy of ostracism if I knew the person who said it just put their foot in their mouth. I think there's a little bit more to this story than the OP's told us.

"Any Time soon" aslo means something different . So you too have changed the meaning by altering the text.

"Homophobia"? Eh?

How is saying she wont get grandkids anytime soon "homophobic"?

I think the original woman saying her son was 'as gay as they come' was worse

Don't underestimate the power of a genuine apology.

YABU that was a thoughtless, crass and ill informed thing to say.

Op, surely you can see it wasn’t your place to comment

It was an outdated and clumsy remark but if everything you’ve said is true then this woman sounds like she’s addicted to drama because she’s taken it way out of proportion. How well do you know her?

There wasn’t really a need to mention he was gay in the first place, and presumably everyone involved all laughed after she said that? She sounds like an attention seeker. You should steer clear of HER, never mind her avoiding you 🤣

Exactly

I think the difference is it was said by the boy’s stepmother. People can get away with saying a lot of things about their family members that would be totally not ok for others to say. Eg. If it was the stepmum who said “he’s gay, so I won’t be getting any grandkids anytime soon” no one would’ve batted an eyelid

? Because it is totally unnecessary. Why would she say anything about his sexuality at all? He's SO Heterosexual, my step son. Doesn't work does it. And neither does 'He's as gay as they come'. I can't believe you don't understand how that is offensive. Never mind the fact its a step mum saying it about her step son to people at a sports club. Grim. And btw - the step mum knows it which is why she pounced on OP's comment. I expect the step son has little time for his step mum.

Someone I know found out a couple of years ago her daughter is gay, during a conversation with a few of us, she said, well, I won't be getting any grandchildren will I?
So, whatever the ins and outs of gay people having children, I don't believe what the OP said warrants a safeguarding investigation.

I feel for you OP, it was a clumsy thing to say - but we’ve all had moments like that surely no one is perfect and you were trying to join in with her jokey tone - her reaction is so over the top. You clearly hit a nerve and instead of owning her feeling and siting with it she’s throwing it onto you in a totally over the top way!

As gay as they come indicates that he behaves in a camp way and camp is often sneered at.
(As neurodivergent as they come .... could also be very offensive in many situations.)

Gay men have to go through a lot of hurdles to have kids. Either adopting or finding a surrogate. It's a long process so OP was correct - the woman will not be having GC any time soon, even longer if the son is not currently in a relationship.

Gay parent here. I can see what you said would’ve sounded a bit weird and awkward. It certainly wouldn’t have sounded like “joining in” in a jokey conversation about her saying stepson was as gay as they come, it wasn’t funny and is a really outdated thing to say. I know more gay people with kids than without kids these days. However what a ridiculous overreaction by these women! Reported to the safeguarding lead?! Why on earth would she do that? Sounds to me like she’s absolutely raging about the comment, thinks you’re a homophobe and told you she’d reported it out of anger. I doubt she actually has, because to most people that would be a ridiculous overreaction. I’d message her and say sorry it was a clumsy comment, you weren’t thinking, it wasn’t intended to come out like that etc. I’m sure most other people involved think the reaction’s just as ridiculous as most on this thread. If people are not speaking to you over it it’s more likely it’s because this woman’s exaggerating what you said and telling them all you’re homophobic. Unless you are underplaying what you actually said??