AIBU to feel unfairly ostracised after a joke at the sports club?

According to the English and Welsh census, "6.5% of male couples had children. In comparison, 39.7% of all opposite sex couple families had children."

So it's definitely a lot less likely! Which makes sense, considering a man can't just get pregnant, so would either need to adopt, share a child with a lesbian couple, or use a woman's body in order to procure/buy a child. Interesting to see the stats, actually.

Jokes and banter are fine as long you can fully guarantee that the person you’re bantering with can appreciate it not everyone can. I do have to say though why can’t gay people have children

It was quite a homophobic thing to say. Lots of gay people have children!

People are so woke now -it was a bit tactless of you and I hope you have apologised - it’s a bit odd for someone to rave about how gay their child is -I suspect she is actually not ok with it thus taking offence at your comment. I would in your shoes decide to stick it out for eg 3months and see how it goes - it will probably be forgotten by then by most people

Announcing to a group of strangers that your stepson is "as gay as they come" isn't exactly kind or appropriate either.

I thought that about the stepmother's 'he's as gay as they come' comment - fine for a gay man to say about himself, but a bit homophobic to use about someone else, with the implications that are involved.

What's nasty about it?

Where's the joke though? What is meant to be funny?

Very different for gay people to make a joke themselves compared to people making it about them. Same for any minority.

this was a nasty and untruthful thing for you to say. Plenty of gay people have kids.

Sounds like an extreme overreaction from the sort of people who are always looking for something to find offensive. Sympathies, OP.

It was an awkward and inappropriate comment, but to me, the stepmom set the tone by saying "as gay as they come". I would see that as being a stereotype of being gay - ie, camp. If she meant anything different, she could have said it better. But that's life - people make faux pas or use the wrong wording, just as you did. I wouldn't see that it needed such a drastic reaction. But I wonder do people know the details or just that you have been referred to safeguarding? That could involve something much worse than an offensive comment and I think a lot of people if they didn't know the details would assume the worst.

I totally agree. Discussing someone else's sexuality is inappropriate and saying they are "as gay as they come" is an offensive remark. She should be the one reported to safeguarding.

Have you apologised for your comment?

I wonder is this just the straw that broke the camel back? You mention that you perceived the conversation as jokey but was it? Do you often perceive conversation differently than other people and hence say the wrong things?

Otherwise it seems like a over reaction to admittedly not good comment.

I wouldn't say that to someone as having children is quite a sensitive topic. I also wouldn't go ballistic at someone for making comments socially about whether DDs would have children, it seems a very engineered OTT reaction.

It was inappropriate and insensitive, as well as incorrect. Not saying you meant it negatively, but hopefully you are learning from many of the responses that it really wasn't the best thing to say. If you were close to them, and were sure they would understand what you meant, it would still be a poor joke but you could move on easier. It appears you weren't close and they have taken it badly.

It doesn't excuse anyone bullying. However, have you apologised at all? Or doubled down on there being nothing wrong with what you said?

The only way I can see out of it is to apologise, say you now understand it was inappropriate to say, you meant it as a joke but admit you were wrong. You can express disappointment in the way they reacted afterwards, two wrongs don't make a right. But yours was first so can't see them doing a U turn, without an apology from you first.

Neither of you covered yourselves in glory there.
Not a nice way to be discussing a young man ffs.
Im sorry there are kids caught up in this.
Hopefully you can explain your 'joke ' in better context and apologise if required.
Banter is not your forte by the sounds of it, best avoided in future.

Not exactly kind to be discussing your stepsons’ sexuality at a social gathering though is it ?

That's so ridiculous. My DD2 is gay and has already said she has no interest in having children (adopted or by donor sperm) so that's that.
I don't generally go around telling people I barely know that she is gay though and if someone said no grandchildren then I'd agree with them.
It's not offensive. If she's so bloody sensitive about it perhaps she shouldn't bring it up.
Reporting it as a safeguarding issue is just ridiculous.

Completely agree, the step-mother set the tone for the conversation and I doubt her step-son would be pleased to hear himself described in this way. The OP was just stating basic biological facts in a (what she thought) light hearted way, in response. Seems as though the step-mother is just trying to pick a fight, for whatever petty reason.

Inappropriate comments which at one time would've been dealt with there and then are now referred to safeguarding. What a world we live in. Its a bully's charter.

Whether It’s inappropriate depends entirely on the context. Eg. If someone asked “has your step son got a girlfriend” and she said “oh no he’s as gay as they come!” It wouldn’t be inappropriate, being gay isn’t some sort of shameful secret anymore! Unless of course he’s in the closet and not ready to come out but I highly doubt that esp if he’s “as gay they come” which I’d take to mean very camp, loves going out on the gay scene etc.

You should have known better.

There is no humour allowed now. Repent

Honestly, her saying her step-son was 'as gay as they come' is the potentially homophobic thing here, if she was (as is likely) referring to him being stereotypically camp, or effeminate.