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Original poster

AIBU to feel unfairly ostracised after a joke at the sports club?

308 replies

Sasco86 · 08/09/2026 23:39

So a few weeks ago, there was what I perceived as a jokey conversation going on and another mum said her stepson was as gay as they come. I jokingly said that she wouldn’t be getting any grandchildren from him any time soon then. To me, i was just joining in on the jokey conversation and that’s all it was. I have now been ostracised and reported to the safeguarding lead officer at the sports club this happened at. People who were my friends have taken her side because she’s made it far more of a thing than it was and my children have even been told things that are far from true. I almost feel that this person is now trying to bully us out of the club. Adult bullying is by far the most horrible situation I’ve ever experienced.

OP posts:
Csb1611 · 10/09/2026 07:40

Hooray…..someone who thinks like I do! 🙂

Seymorbutts · 10/09/2026 07:37

Csb1611 · 10/09/2026 07:28

I have already replied to this post and voted, but feel compelled to post again, not because the subject is close to my heart, but because so many people seem to have lost their sense of humour or simply look for problems, the original poster was responding to the “gay as they come” comment, it didn’t seem in a malicious way.

I have had 2 conversations with different people in the last 6 months where theGay Man’s mother has said ‘’I won’t be having any Grandchildren, my daughter doesn’t want kids and my son is Gay, it’s such a shame he would have made a lovely Dad”

It is a sign of the times that only 48% have voted in favour of the original poster.
I am only 50, but clearly my views are in the minority, why do so many people have an axe to grind, how about live and let live?

Did the mother assume this or has her son told her he doesn’t want kids? It sounds very out-dated to me to hear someone point-blank assume their child won’t have kids just because they’re gay. I get that it’s less likely for gay men but it doesn’t happen and it’s not even that rare! So why would anyone assume someone’s sexuality is a barrier like we’re living in the 1950s?! As a gay parent this would really annoy me. However, regarding the OP’s comment, I think it was just a clumsy mistake and the woman sounds like a petty drama queen.

Soontobe60 · 10/09/2026 07:31

I actually think what she said initially is homophobic! ‘As gay as they come’? What does that even mean? Are there different degrees of ‘gayness’? Are some people more gay than others? Why was she discussing his sexuality?

Csb1611 · 10/09/2026 07:28

I have already replied to this post and voted, but feel compelled to post again, not because the subject is close to my heart, but because so many people seem to have lost their sense of humour or simply look for problems, the original poster was responding to the “gay as they come” comment, it didn’t seem in a malicious way.

I have had 2 conversations with different people in the last 6 months where theGay Man’s mother has said ‘’I won’t be having any Grandchildren, my daughter doesn’t want kids and my son is Gay, it’s such a shame he would have made a lovely Dad”

It is a sign of the times that only 48% have voted in favour of the original poster.
I am only 50, but clearly my views are in the minority, why do so many people have an axe to grind, how about live and let live?

Seymorbutts · 10/09/2026 07:24

Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 22:06

On a few occasions she had said things about the step-son who is late teens/early twenties. I’m almost certain on previous occasions she had said that none of the kids were ready to make her a grandma. I explained to the safeguarding person that I was mortified to have caused offence as that was never the intention of the comment and I have tried apologising. She is loud at loves attention. During apologising, she said well everyone’s fed up with you and your kids because they think they’re better than everyone and that she could say racially motivated things about my kids but hasn’t! Inferring that she had thought them or even said them to other people when I wasn’t there 🤔

I’d report her to the safeguarding lead for ‘threatening racism’! If she wants to be petty, play her at her own game! This would make a good Motherland episode 🤣

BeethovenNinth · 10/09/2026 04:08

OP this woman doesn’t like you as your kids are better at the sport than hers. Tha seems clear now. You wound her up.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/09/2026 01:44

OP, countless posts are telling you that you were wrong and why you were wrong.
Intent is only part of the equation. The receiver is aggrieved. You need to understand why and not invalidate their feeling and minimize your actions by stating what you would have done or what you or anyone else would do in alternate scenarios. None of that matters.

EvieBB · 10/09/2026 01:30

DooDallyHallie · 09/09/2026 23:48

She went to rhe safeguarding officer because that's what they are there for, you donut! How is making homophobic jokes not a safeguarding issue?

Show quote history

You're calling her out for being (seemingly) homophobic. I'm calling you out for being abusive calling OP names.

EvieBB · 10/09/2026 00:52

RobertaFirmino · 09/09/2026 21:36

It's offensive in two ways.

Firstly, as already discussed, gay men can be parents.

Secondly, you made an assumption that she would be desperate for grandchildren, no doubt because she is a woman at a particular time of life. Not all women are salivating over the thought of replicants.

The crux of issue is that it was said I jest but the mum decided to make a huge issue about it which was unfair imo......I guess (like many of these threads) you probably had to be there to witness the conversation to make a fully informed decision as to whether it was unreasonable or not.

Original poster
Sasco86 · 10/09/2026 00:07

DooDallyHallie · 10/09/2026 00:00

Homophobic talk is a wider issue than just your family. There will almost certainly be sine gay youngsters there
IF she feels your comments were homophobic she was absolutely right ti report it.

But it wasn’t meant that way and the bigger issue is that I have apologised and she pretty much turned it on my children’s race. If she had said something like i’d hate to deal with your daughter’s hair every morning, there’s no way I’d have run off to report her for racism!

OP posts:
Papster · 10/09/2026 00:07

She said it to provoke a response
She didn’t like the one she got

DooDallyHallie · 10/09/2026 00:00

Homophobic talk is a wider issue than just your family. There will almost certainly be sine gay youngsters there
IF she feels your comments were homophobic she was absolutely right ti report it.

Original poster
Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 23:54

DooDallyHallie · 09/09/2026 23:48

She went to rhe safeguarding officer because that's what they are there for, you donut! How is making homophobic jokes not a safeguarding issue?

Show quote history

That is an assumption. She went to her friend who is safeguarding officer. Who, fully understood that there was no malicious intentions and fully supported me when I went to her and said this has got out of hand and now things are being said by other children to my children that aren’t true about that and other things regarding my eldest. She said it was no business of the kids and that the allegations had been debunked

OP posts:
DooDallyHallie · 09/09/2026 23:48

Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 23:40

I think that she doesn’t like that my kids are successful. They don’t play with her but one does with her husband and he actually thinks a lot of my son. I feel like she has felt that she has to compete for friendship from certain people and she’s made this whole thing about her. I actually asked her why she went straight to the safeguarding person, when it isn’t a safeguarding concern, rather than coming directly to me and saying that what I’d said she found offensive and I could have apologised on the spot. Instead she decided she wanted to make it something much bigger

Show quote history

She went to rhe safeguarding officer because that's what they are there for, you donut! How is making homophobic jokes not a safeguarding issue?

Original poster
Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 23:47

RobertaFirmino · 09/09/2026 21:36

It's offensive in two ways.

Firstly, as already discussed, gay men can be parents.

Secondly, you made an assumption that she would be desperate for grandchildren, no doubt because she is a woman at a particular time of life. Not all women are salivating over the thought of replicants.

I have gay friends who adopted 2 children a few years ago, so i know it’s possible. It was more a comment based on things she’d said. She was holding another baby and saying that she can’t wait to be a nanna. I said well I don’t think it will happen soon. She had openly said that neither of the girls were settled and had made a big thing about the boy being gay. She has actually taken it out of context because it wasn’t just directed about the boy. But that’s how she’s seen it and made it sound.

OP posts:
murasaki · 09/09/2026 23:46

Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 23:40

I think that she doesn’t like that my kids are successful. They don’t play with her but one does with her husband and he actually thinks a lot of my son. I feel like she has felt that she has to compete for friendship from certain people and she’s made this whole thing about her. I actually asked her why she went straight to the safeguarding person, when it isn’t a safeguarding concern, rather than coming directly to me and saying that what I’d said she found offensive and I could have apologised on the spot. Instead she decided she wanted to make it something much bigger

Show quote history

Did she say why she did that?

Original poster
Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 23:40

ProfMummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 09/09/2026 23:32

Ah well there you go, I did think for some reason the woman doesn't like you and she doesn't! So she's leapt on this chance to get you ostracised. Although it does sound like it's more like she doesn't like your kids??

By any chance at this sports club, do your kids play a sport with her, and also by any chance do they play it better than her???

Show quote history

I think that she doesn’t like that my kids are successful. They don’t play with her but one does with her husband and he actually thinks a lot of my son. I feel like she has felt that she has to compete for friendship from certain people and she’s made this whole thing about her. I actually asked her why she went straight to the safeguarding person, when it isn’t a safeguarding concern, rather than coming directly to me and saying that what I’d said she found offensive and I could have apologised on the spot. Instead she decided she wanted to make it something much bigger

OP posts:
Original poster
Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 23:36

Timeforachange26 · 09/09/2026 23:09

I still don't see how her stepson having kids ( if he did) would make her a grandmother

Show quote history

She sees him as part of her family. My stepdad is my kids grandad in all sense of the word and sees them as his grandchildren

OP posts:
ProfMummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 09/09/2026 23:32

Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 22:06

On a few occasions she had said things about the step-son who is late teens/early twenties. I’m almost certain on previous occasions she had said that none of the kids were ready to make her a grandma. I explained to the safeguarding person that I was mortified to have caused offence as that was never the intention of the comment and I have tried apologising. She is loud at loves attention. During apologising, she said well everyone’s fed up with you and your kids because they think they’re better than everyone and that she could say racially motivated things about my kids but hasn’t! Inferring that she had thought them or even said them to other people when I wasn’t there 🤔

Ah well there you go, I did think for some reason the woman doesn't like you and she doesn't! So she's leapt on this chance to get you ostracised. Although it does sound like it's more like she doesn't like your kids??

By any chance at this sports club, do your kids play a sport with her, and also by any chance do they play it better than her???

Timeforachange26 · 09/09/2026 23:09

RobertaFirmino · 09/09/2026 21:36

It's offensive in two ways.

Firstly, as already discussed, gay men can be parents.

Secondly, you made an assumption that she would be desperate for grandchildren, no doubt because she is a woman at a particular time of life. Not all women are salivating over the thought of replicants.

I still don't see how her stepson having kids ( if he did) would make her a grandmother

Original poster
Sasco86 · 09/09/2026 22:06

On a few occasions she had said things about the step-son who is late teens/early twenties. I’m almost certain on previous occasions she had said that none of the kids were ready to make her a grandma. I explained to the safeguarding person that I was mortified to have caused offence as that was never the intention of the comment and I have tried apologising. She is loud at loves attention. During apologising, she said well everyone’s fed up with you and your kids because they think they’re better than everyone and that she could say racially motivated things about my kids but hasn’t! Inferring that she had thought them or even said them to other people when I wasn’t there 🤔

OP posts:
RobertaFirmino · 09/09/2026 21:36

It's offensive in two ways.

Firstly, as already discussed, gay men can be parents.

Secondly, you made an assumption that she would be desperate for grandchildren, no doubt because she is a woman at a particular time of life. Not all women are salivating over the thought of replicants.

FriendlyMedusa · 09/09/2026 21:20

SamTR1 · 09/09/2026 20:23

What do you gain from being permanently offended? Is it a misguided sense of moral superiority?

It’s a genuine question as I simply can’t see the appeal.

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Do you not see the irony in being offended that I am offended?

There's no discussion to be had with someone who thinks having moral standards different to their own must be performative. It's a problem of empathy.

Grumpyoldcat · 09/09/2026 20:39

Why is it a safeguarding issue? Sounds toxic. Join another club.

SamTR1 · 09/09/2026 20:23

FriendlyMedusa · 09/09/2026 18:48

I give them a wide berth
And yet here you are attempting to engage with me.

For the record I have been insufferable far longer than is covered by "recent times" xx

Show quote history

What do you gain from being permanently offended? Is it a misguided sense of moral superiority?

It’s a genuine question as I simply can’t see the appeal.