AIBU to feel unfairly ostracised after a joke at the sports club?

my step dad is very much a grandparent to my child. And he wasn't even around when I was very young.

It would mine. OP is crass making an outdated stereotypical comment.

Some people have no sense of humour. I avoid people like that

If she herself said “he’s as gay as they come” I really don’t see the issue with you saying “oh you won’t be getting any grandchildren then” Any normal adult knows when people are making comments in a mean way, or if it was just a follow on comment in jest. For context, how well do u know her? If other adults are following her over this, they’re just as silly as she is.

The idea that everyone suddenly has a right not to be offended is absurd.
Good thing I haven't said anything of the sort, then.

People have given a million reasons on this thread why the comment would bother them. If you actually cared to understand you'd read it and think about it yourself and not be bothering me.

That comment would be factual. You're one was homophobic and offensive. If she had said something about eye or skin colour tgat wasn't true, such as your DD playing a 'white' part in a school play, that would be equivalent. She wanted to nip you in the bud. "My children are successful " does sound a bit up yourself, they are children at a club.

Agree. I think I’d be steering clear of that club from now on - at least the social side of it. Too much drama.

This thread is bonkers.

The women chose to talk about her step son's orientation (real or joking, we don't know). She'd previously shared she'd like to be a grandma, but none of her children seems to be on that path now.

The Sasco replied to that. Maybe it was a bad taste, but it stayed within the playing field the other mum marked. Hill out of molehill.

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Yes, it sounds she is unpleasant and doesn't like you. And she doesn't like that her poor jugdment (in reporting that) was discussed. So she stepped even deeper into it with the "racial" comment.

I don't know what you can do now other than survive. Explain to those who matters to you?

Absolutely nothing - I was replying to a previous poster.

I think the problem is that you can’t compare being fit with being gay. that’s because you aren’t “less gay” if you don’t enjoy hobbies that are often associated with the gay community.
In the same way that a heterosexual person isn’t more or less hetero just because they do or don’t enjoy showing their sexuality overtly in the way they dress or their preferred hobbies.

Whereas you can be “less fit” by simply partaking in a minimum amount of movement and exercise.

But what has that got to do with the OP who didn't say that

Intent is everything. The comment wasn’t offensive in itself and OP didn’t intend the comment to be taken in the way it was. She has no reason to apologise for the comment itself, but the fact that the woman chose to read something into it that wasn’t intended. ‘I’m sorry that you took my comment that way Janet, but it was not intended to cause offence, and for that I apologise’. That’s all that’s needed. Taking to the safeguarding officer is an indication that ‘Janet’ is either a drama llama or has an axe to grind with OP regarding something unrelated.

this. @DooDallyHallie you are also an abusive person

I don’t see being gay as negative in any way at all. But I do see why the expression ‘gay as they come’ could cause offence. It’s not that being gay is seen as negative, but the stereotype that phrase attaches to it.

The receiver can be aggrieved of course. But it is clear that what the receiver is doing is taking this to an unreasonable degree because she personally doesn't like the OP. You might think she shouldn't have a limit on how offended she is, fine, but that's not what is happening here.

She is using her own personal dislike to attack the OP with this, whereas if it was someone else who said the comment she would not have reacted as strongly, if at all.

In fact, the OP sincerely apologised to the safeguarding person. And tried to sincerely apologise to her, no "if" no "but" - a full unreserved apology. And what did this woman do? Launch straight into a personal attack 'you and your kids think you're so much better than everyone else'

Her dislike/jealousy of the OP is clouding her reaction and that is not right.

Possibly when they’re meant as an innocent comeback to what could be construed what was a homophobic comment in the first instance about the stepson. It’s about intent. And here the homophobic intent is assumed.

I’m not offended I just find it ridiculous so was attempting to get some insight into why others can’t see that.

This idea that everyone suddenly has a right not to be offended is absurd. People use it to bully others under a thin veil of righteousness.

But @Sasco86 as your previous posts show, this has nothing to do with your comment. She was looking for a reason to get at you/get you in “trouble”/report you for something because she doesn’t like you, probably because she feels threatened by you. If anyone else has said it nothing would have happened. She’s a nasty person and I’d keep my distance if I were you. Out of curiosity, what did the safeguarding person say?

The people that think the step mother was in some way being homophobic or inappropriate by saying he was “as gay as they come” are the ones who are (probably subconsciously) thinking in a homophobic way - because you’re assuming being gay is a negative thing. There’s nothing wrong with being “as gay as they come” - it likely means he’s very camp & loves going out dancing on the gay scene. So what’s wrong with saying this is what he’s like? Flip it to something most people generally see as being positive - being strong and fit say, if she said her step son likes going to the gym and said he’s “as fit as they come” (obviously fit meaning it’s original meaning, not attractive!) would anyone bat an eyelid? Apart from to perhaps accuse her of boasting. No they wouldn’t because people see that as a positive thing. If you see being gay as negative then you’ll see something wrong with being “as gay as they come”

I think the way robotics and AI are progressing, she's more likely to get a replicant in the next 10 years than a grandchild 😆

Well she's bang out of order if she compares racism about your children to a comment that the stepmother of a "gay as they come" stepson might be waiting a while for a grandchild.

You could simply have been referring to how long adoption and surrogacy take to arrange, for all she knew.

From the rest of what you've written she's just not a nice person, rise above it, it will die down in time, hopefully.

Her comment was weird and so was yours but I think she’s over reacted. Given the ages of her kids it is unlikely she’ll have any grandkids ‘soon’. Of course gay people can become parents, but it’s usually a well thought out and long process and not something that happens easily.
it’s not a safeguarding concern (have they said why it is). Who have they said is at risk?

She apologised unreservedly, therefore she did not invalidate their feelings. OP is allowed to feel aggrieved also given the circumstances

EXACTLY

The stepmother makes homophobic jokes was she telling on herself?