Is this sickening or AIBU

FFS drug use happens across all different kinds of families. Addiction doesn't discriminate.

OP I think you should speak to safeguarding at the school as this family needs more support. People act really oddly when they are grieving. I can only imagine it's worse when it's been a shock.

Someone above asked how OP knows the child is not being shown support at home. I would say because she’s out on the street selling her toys to pay for a funeral. In a supportive home I don’t think she’d have the family’s financial worries on her shoulders at age 8, and the parent would stop her selling her own toys on the street. The parent has either encouraged it or doesn’t know she’s doing it

I remember when I was in primary school a boy in my class aged 11 lost his brother to suicide and was the one who discovered him. His mum had him knocking round the estate asking people for money for the funeral. She was vile scum and all her children turned out troubled.

Funerals are expensive, a straightforward one without career is about 4000 but the council does have provision to help with a funeral.

The situation you describe is awful and I would contact school or social services immediately

Yanbu, so very sad. No 8yo child should be doing any of this. The other parent - has failed them terribly. But because it’s the mother, you are getting these responses.
Maybe speak to the school to see if they know this is happening. I’m not even sure where or who to report this to, but someone needs to step in to support this child.

I can understand the assumptions you’ve made but drug overdoses can come in many forms e.g. different drugs (illegal/ legal), accidental or intentional, and can affect different families. Just pointing this out as ‘he/ they didn’t seem the type’ can be harmful in spotting potential issues or taking them seriously enough.

This is such a shame .
However …

1. the older children could possibly be young teens ( I looked much younger when I was 14/15 I looked about 12 )
2. It is a safe town / village you live in .
3. it was very near/ outside their home
4. they probably know about the bake sale and are trying to do something constructive by themselves ( in a childlike way )

Also adding that a direct simple cremation followed by immediate family gathering at home or in a very inexpensive location for drinks and food is ok and there doesn’t have to be a massive funeral with associated expenses.
my dad’s funeral cost an absolute fortune and that was years ago .
My mum’s less but still a lovely send off that was sorted by myself in advance with a pre paid plan and only sundries to be paid for at the time

I think you need to purchase a dictionary if you feel using the word ‘sickening’ in the title is appropriate.
How about you offer the family support.

If her father died of drug overdose that already tells her what kind of family that is and how likely they are to be involved

Why is she not at home being comforted and with her mum and her siblings ? What parent would ever lay on a child's shoulders of this age that they can not afford a funeral for her father so she has to sell her own belongings. Why were these children unsupervised There’s so much I can not comprehend but I am just wondering is this just me?

Well, yes, obviously it’s an unsatisfactory and shit situation that needs addressing. No one is going to argue with that.

However, it is likely just you wondering ‘why’. You really can’t think of answers/scenarios for any of the things you ask. You really can’t? I believe you can. You just don’t like the answers that you come up with but it is what it is. Instead of coming with faux confusion to Mumsnet, maybe directly communicating the concerns with the schools safeguarding lead would be more productive?

You seem to be assuming there are other responsible adults in this child’s life.
I’d assume the mother equally suffers from addiction and the sale was set up by the children.
The child may have witnessed other equally difficult situations in her short life.

An awful and tragic situation for the family. I agree that the girl should not be burdened with the idea she needs to fund her fathers funeral, though in times of grief I think conversations sometimes happen when people aren't thinking entirely straight and don't realise that the kids can overhear, of perhaps don't even think that there are consequences to the kid overhearing.

But while the lack of supervision could be a worry if the girls was looking for comfort, given the trauma she's experienced, she was right outside her home and may well have had all the comfort and support she needed whenever she wanted it.

The fact the kids had no adult with them is. not an immediate red flag to me. Not clear how busy and dangerous the main road was and whether they behaved recklessly, or knew how to stay safe. There was a group of them and had an older kid with them, close to their house in a small and tight knit community - this is the sort of situation where childhood independence can thrive. The girl may have been relieved to get out of a grieving household and enjoy having a clear task to keep her busy. I would suggest that part of your horror is the reminder of what she's gone through.

I would feel very sorry for the little girl and her family but I wouldn't assume that adults were behind the toy sale, it sounds more like something children would organise themselves. Were any of the other children related to her? Did you not think to ask the children whether any adults knew what they were doing? You have already donated to a Go Fund Me which seems to have been quite a conservative target. If you have concerns about any children local to you speak to the school.

I wouldn’t automatically say that’s neglectful on that alone. Four kids together including a 11/12 year old sibling, in a small town where everyone knows each other, standing at the end of their street. But again I think it’s ok to be cautious when children are concerned and let the school monitor/ take action as necessary.

Well a 5 year old and an 8 year old being out without adult supervision on their own especially near a busy road talking to strangers is neglectful in itself! And incredibly risky...who knows who is in those cars :-/

An 8 year old found her dad dead from an overdose on friday? Less than a week later the school has arranged a bake sale to raise funds for the family?

I’m not sure sickening is the right word but it is terribly sad.

At 8, she will be aware of the bake sale and that fundraising is happening and why. So the idea that she is completely shielded from the fact that the family are struggling to pay funeral costs is unrealistic. Although how this has been explained to the 8 year old is relevant - it should not have been presented in any way as a problem that she needs to solve. But I can imagine a scenario where the 8 year old thinks I want to do something to help what can I do? Maybe it could feel like a productive way to channel her grief?

I’ve seen kids locally holding toy sales or lemonade stands at that age to raise money for xyz. I don’t think it’s appropriate that they were shouting at people on the street but maybe kids being a bit overzealous and not understanding appropriate behaviours.

How do you know she’s not being shown any love and support at home? I don’t think you can leap to that conclusion based on this. Perhaps you have wider context or opinions of the family that’s making you see this all in a certain light? To me it sounds desperate, sad and yes misjudged but not necessarily neglectful in the way you’re suggesting. In any case if you’re concerned about a child you should always report it and the safeguarding lead will decide how to proceed.

A council won't dispose of a body for free. They look to the nearest relative. You can get help if you are on UC or Pension Credits. I have, sadly, had to look in to it this week.

It sounds like a desperate family in a desperate situation to me. Have you done anything to help the family op?