AIBU to allow teen DD to swear at home?

Those words aren’t even proper swearing anyway

My ds 13 and 16 swears at home in context. None of them swears infront of their grandmother, other parents or in school. At home they let their guard down just as when they are with friends.

We never limited DD’s language at any age. We did explain that there were words that society arbitrarily decided were bad words and that she couldn’t use them in certain situations without people getting upset. Never a problem with her using language in appropriate context and situation.

For anyone wondering, yes, I did use words like arbitrarily to explain this to a 3 year old. That is just how our family operates and she has hyperlexia so it was also how she spoke.

Oh I love swearing! My dc know how and when to swear, and when not to.

1 dc has never sworn and I imagine never will, and the other swears like a trooper.

I've not really got much time for Pollyanna's who don't enjoy a good swear word now and again.

I don't know the op's daughter but lots of parents think their kids don't swear outside of the house (or drink / smoke etc) but the reality can be very different

I remind the students that it can be ok to swear in social situations but I'm constantly met with "my Mam let's me" and it's totally different in a situation with 30 teenagers who really need to follow the social norms that swearing isn't acceptable in most work environments

The OP has already said that she knows where and when it's inappropriate.

There are lots of things that teenagers might be allowed to do at home that they aren't allowed to do at school. You can't expect parents to run their homes like you run a school, because they're totally different environments with different norms and different rules are therefore appropriate.

The problem is we're then trying to send them in to the work place where employers / customers / clients won't accept ot

Depends on the workplace. In a lot of workplaces swearing now and again (or constantly, in some places) is totally normal and fine. I work in communications for a (very) professional body and words like 'bullshit' and 'can't be arsed' are used routinely in open plan offices and smaller meetings where colleagues are familiar with each other will include the odd F-bomb (and, when my boss and I have our one-to-ones every fortnight, far worse... we both love a cathartic swear, and in my boss's case, that can be in both his languages).

A lot of what schools claim is 'preparing pupils for a work environment' bears little resemblance to normal workplaces, to be honest.

A teen's just been sacked for swearing in the local cafe. The problem is that if you always speak in a certain way, it's harder to control it. And some words really upset some people, but don't bother others at all.

We swear at home.

And I have big age gaps (mine are 23,13 and 6) so younger ones have always heard it.

They all know where swearing isn’t appropriate. None of them have ever got in trouble for swearing at school, in front of other people etc.

It would only be disrespectful if they were doing in front of people who were upset and offended by swearing. The OP isn't upset or offended by swear words, so her DD isn't being disrespectful to use them. As the OP says, her DD doesn't swear in front of people who don't like it, such as her grandmother. Her grandmother overheard her on a phone call, so the DD wasn't swearing in her grandmother's presence.

What I would consider offensive would be people throwing sneering classist terms like 'chav' around, so I would nip that in the bud straight away.

The word 'chav' is far more offensive than the word 'bullshit'. Embarrassing to use that word.

Obviously, she knows where and when it s appropriate and never swears in front of her Grandma

Then that's all that matters and her grandma needs to mind her own business.

It's absolutely nothing to do with her what you do and don't allow in your own bloody home.

You think it's 'chavtastic' for an adult to use the word 'shit' in earshot of their parents?

I spend a lot of time reminding my students about inappropriate language in the classroom in the first few weeks of the year.

A lot of them don't realise they're doing it as they're allowed to swear at home. The problem is we're then trying to send them in to the work place where employers / customers / clients won't accept ot and the young people can't moderate themselves.

I'd let the odd one slip but honestly.- she needs to know it's not appropriate

Its a question of how its used. Massive difference between incidental swearing for emphasis and swearing at an individual in aggression. The type of swear also makes a difference.

What your daughter said in this context I couldn’t care less about.

If my DD called me or DP a “fucking cunt” there would be a big problem.

Swearing is something I just can't get worked up about. I swear too so it's a bit silly of me to get upset with them. I'm fine with teens swearing as long as it's not at me.

Watching Friday Night Dinner with the DC was the end of no swearing in our house. Very infectious.

Ha, I like that!
I know my teenagers swear but they know I don't like to hear it so they moderate around me. Which means sometimes something slips out and they are mortified 😂

I couldn't give a shiny shit.

I used to tell my young kids that I was allowed to swear because I had a Swearing Licence and they could apply for theirs when they were older.

I think if they’re particularly annoyed and letting it out then I’d let it slide.

Generally though I like to be quite strict and have quite ridiculous rules. My reasoning is I went to a strict school where you’d get bollocked for a top button undone, hair down etc. All the senseless uniform policing. It meant that as teens our way of rebelling was to roll up our skirts. If the rules were more relaxed then we would’ve found other worse ways to rebel.

I find swearing really vulgar. It's used as an aggressive way to communicate which is often not necessary. Each to their own though.

😂😂

Oh dear. Hey ho - you wouldn't like me or my kids.

As long as she's swearing in frustration, rather than at other peoples expense I think it's fine.

On the flip side to lots of PP I have to remind my own mother to watch her language in front of my five year old. Can we swap?