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Original poster

AIBU to allow teen DD to swear at home?

113 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/09/2026 21:23

My mother is appalled by this. It came about when DD4 (15) came home in a mood about something at school, I was on the phone with my mother and sister. She said "Mr X said we cant use Y room at lunch any more for health and safety, which is bullshit, he just can't be arsed being in there".

I made sympathetic noises, she went up to her room.

Mother is disgusted that I "allow" this. DD has no younger siblings, and all her older siblings were allowed the same as long as they didnt do it in front of their not-at-senior-school younger sibs.

I just think that they are all swearing like dockers at school so what is the point in pretending they dont? I swear a lot, especially when driving, so it would be very hypocritical of me to censor her. Obviously, she knows where and when it s appropriate and never swears in front of her Grandma.

OP posts:
Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 21:30

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 20:49

Mother is disgusted

come on then @PyongyangKipperbang … tell us the back story. Your mother is judgey, distant and critical, and the two of you have a somewhat fraught and tumultuous relationship…. Correct?

C&P'd from my post above.....

" agree with this. My mother was the same, she was very worried about appearances and "what will the neighbours think?". Clothes, hair, language, she controlled every little thing, often with violence. As a result my sister and I are both affected by it. It turned my sister into a chronic people pleaser out of fear of rejection and me into an oppositional defensive person who swears too much, dyes her hair mad colours and wear deeply age inappropriate clothing (according to her anyway, 50+ women shouldnt wear skinny jeans, band shirts and converse ). We have both done extensive work on ourselves to try and fix these things, but its hard."

OP posts:
IronEverything · 09/09/2026 21:30

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:03

Do you swear in front of them @IronEverything

Show quote history

No

MNLurker1345 · 09/09/2026 21:22

DahliaDelights · 09/09/2026 20:47

grandparent was on a phonecall, not in the room...

and the word was bullshit, more vulgar or rude than swearing.

unclench and drop the pearls

Show quote history

I passed a mother and DD on the street, minding my own business. Mother says “well that’s bullshit, innit….”

We were outside the local primary school, DD looked 9 or 10.

How does a young one respond to that?

Morepositivemum · 09/09/2026 21:17

MNLurker1345

I work in a supermarket, I hear it so much, mostly teens unfortunately, and from all walks of life, not the stereotypical ones!

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:03

IronEverything · 09/09/2026 20:52

I would have had my mouth washed out with soap for that.

I wouldn't go to that extent with my own kids but I certainly wouldn't allow them to swear in front of me. It's called respect.

Do you swear in front of them @IronEverything

ilbehonest · 09/09/2026 21:02

idk I think swearing is expressive but I also get told off still at the ripe age of 34 if I swear in my mum's house lol. I tell my kids swearing isnt allowed because I think it's important how people perceive you. I think if a teen is out and about swearing it gives the wrong impression and if rather people not think my kids were little thugs.

There will be an age where they will inevitably swear but context is key and I think as long as they aren't getting carried away it may be ok.

at the moment though no. I don't allow it and I don't listen to music with cuss words, I try not to swear myself and if around people who do, explain to my children how that person is expressing themselves but I want better for them.

DahliaDelights · 09/09/2026 20:57

IronEverything · 09/09/2026 20:52

I would have had my mouth washed out with soap for that.

I wouldn't go to that extent with my own kids but I certainly wouldn't allow them to swear in front of me. It's called respect.

Its not respect if its achieved through you forbidding it; thats through fear of repercussion (whatever that repercussion may be) its respect if they dont swear in front of you through their own choice.

the difference between respect born of mutual understanding and compliance driven by fear of consequences.When a child stops a behavior like swearing purely to avoid punishment, they are practicing situational compliance, not genuine respect.

IronEverything · 09/09/2026 20:52

I would have had my mouth washed out with soap for that.

I wouldn't go to that extent with my own kids but I certainly wouldn't allow them to swear in front of me. It's called respect.

MNLurker1345 · 09/09/2026 20:50

Morepositivemum · 09/09/2026 20:46

We all swear but I hate it, it’s unnecessary when you think of it. When I give out the kids say do you want us to say oh fiddlesticks, or oh fudge, but I just say why can’t you say ‘he or she was horrible, or say ow when you drop something on your foot or something. I think it goes along with the descent now into scumbagginess - people using the f word everywhere, I hear the c word 5/6 times a day - she was such a c for example- I think if we let everybody curse it’ll just get to the stage where everyone’s angry and cursing about people

The only place I experience the C word is on MN. Really!

@CandiedPrincess can I have another medal please?

Halfblindbunny · 09/09/2026 20:50

I've never stopped my kids from swearing. Swear words are just words and there are plenty of non swear words that can be even more hurtful or inappropriate.

I have taught them some words should not be used and that some words are ok in some situations and not others and that some words can get you in serious trouble and cause significant harm.

After that it's up to them. Neither of them really swear around family but I'm sure definitely do around their friends.

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 20:49

Mother is disgusted

come on then @PyongyangKipperbang … tell us the back story. Your mother is judgey, distant and critical, and the two of you have a somewhat fraught and tumultuous relationship…. Correct?

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 20:47

MCF86 · 08/09/2026 22:50

Swearing at me would be an issue, but in front of me whatever.

This

I swear. I’d feel sheepish telling my teens off for the odd swear word in front of me!

DahliaDelights · 09/09/2026 20:47

Lanternss · 08/09/2026 22:21

Personally I think kids of any age swearing in front of their parents and especially grandparents is very disrespectful and chavtastic.

grandparent was on a phonecall, not in the room...

and the word was bullshit, more vulgar or rude than swearing.

unclench and drop the pearls

Morepositivemum · 09/09/2026 20:46

We all swear but I hate it, it’s unnecessary when you think of it. When I give out the kids say do you want us to say oh fiddlesticks, or oh fudge, but I just say why can’t you say ‘he or she was horrible, or say ow when you drop something on your foot or something. I think it goes along with the descent now into scumbagginess - people using the f word everywhere, I hear the c word 5/6 times a day - she was such a c for example- I think if we let everybody curse it’ll just get to the stage where everyone’s angry and cursing about people

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 20:45

To those saying bullshit and arsed are not proper swears, I would agree. But to my mother, they are and therefore totally inappropriate for a 15 yr old GIRL!!! Somehow she holds her grandsons to a lower standard (surprise surprise). Actually eldest DS swears a lot, uses it like punctuation but never worse than bloody. I find that far worse. "I went to the bloody fridge and realised I needed bloody milk, so I had to bloody walk to the bloody shop". No need for more than one "bloody" in that sentence!

OP posts:
Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 20:40

Timeforachange26 · 09/09/2026 20:23

Lol at stigmatizing working class people. There are heaps of working class people who don't behave in the way to be considered chavvy. There are also rich people who do.

I'm a working class person who doesn't do / wear all the other stuff.

Show quote history

Well it might make you LOL but it is now considered offensive. But if you are happy to come across as rude and ignorant with a refusal to be educated about the issue, you go for it. You will judged far more than I will when DD drops the odd F-bomb.

OP posts:
MNLurker1345 · 09/09/2026 20:36

@CandiedPrincess Did my post offend you to the point that you were incensed enough to send such an inane response.

I therefore will respond in kind - Up your game.

Now you have every reason to swear at me.

MNLurker1345 · 09/09/2026 20:32

CandiedPrincess · 09/09/2026 19:57

Nobody is handing you a medal.

Show quote history

I meant you!

MNLurker1345 · 09/09/2026 20:31

Is that all you’ve got?

Timeforachange26 · 09/09/2026 20:23

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 20:19

LMGTFY

Why is chav considered offensive - Google Search

Show quote history

Lol at stigmatizing working class people. There are heaps of working class people who don't behave in the way to be considered chavvy. There are also rich people who do.

I'm a working class person who doesn't do / wear all the other stuff.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 20:19

Timeforachange26 · 09/09/2026 18:55

Doesn't answer why?

Show quote history

LMGTFY

Why is chav considered offensive - Google Search

Before you continue to Google Search

https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=Why+is+chav+considered+offensive

OP posts:
Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 20:16

I'm not saying I get everything right as a parent but I know the authoritarian attitude was not only ineffective but indeed counterproductive with me and some of my friends so my husband and I have made a point of being more relaxed and trying to communicate and explain rather than dictate and we're getting much better results.

I agree with this. My mother was the same, she was very worried about appearances and "what will the neighbours think?". Clothes, hair, language, she controlled every little thing, often with violence. As a result my sister and I are both affected by it. It turned my sister into a chronic people pleaser out of fear of rejection and me into an oppositional defensive person who swears too much, dyes her hair mad colours and wear deeply age inappropriate clothing (according to her anyway, 50+ women shouldnt wear skinny jeans, band shirts and converse Wink). We have both done extensive work on ourselves to try and fix these things, but its hard.

OP posts:
CandiedPrincess · 09/09/2026 19:57

MNLurker1345 · 09/09/2026 19:08

But I don’t swear although I learned swear
words at school. Just because others around you do it doesn’t mean you have to. As I tell my young ones don’t be sheep.

It is also what they hear from adults around them and the culture they grow up in.

That’s not to single out a certain demographic, people from all walks of life swear or don’t.

Show quote history

Nobody is handing you a medal.

MNLurker1345 · 09/09/2026 19:08

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 16:10

She would rather die than swear in school. She has never been in trouble except once she got a detention as she misunderstood a homework assignment, she was inconsolable all evening.

I think it is wildly unrealistic for parents to say that their kids never swear. Every swear I ever learned was from the school yard. Just because you dont hear them doesnt mean they dont do it.

But I don’t swear although I learned swear
words at school. Just because others around you do it doesn’t mean you have to. As I tell my young ones don’t be sheep.

It is also what they hear from adults around them and the culture they grow up in.

That’s not to single out a certain demographic, people from all walks of life swear or don’t.

Timeforachange26 · 09/09/2026 18:55

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/09/2026 17:41

Its been offensive for at least two decades

Show quote history

Doesn't answer why?

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