AIBU to allow teen DD to swear at home?

PyongyangKipperbang · 2026-09-08T20:23:32+00:00

My mother is appalled by this. It came about when DD4 (15) came home in a mood about something at school, I was on the phone with my mother and sister. She said "Mr X said we cant use Y room at lunch any more for health and safety, which is bullshit, he just can't be arsed being in there". I made sympathetic noises, she went up to her room. Mother is disgusted that I "allow" this. DD has no younger siblings, and all her older siblings were allowed the same as long as they didnt do it in front of their not-at-senior-school younger sibs. I just think that they are all swearing like dockers at school so what is the point in pretending they dont? I swear a lot, especially when driving, so it would be very hypocritical of me to censor her. Obviously, she knows where and when it s appropriate and never swears in front of her Grandma.

Confrontcriticism · 10/09/2026 15:11

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MyMilchick · 10/09/2026 15:09

Never got the big deal, they're just words to express your feelings, swearing is really just part of everyday speech for a lot over here in Ireland, I would barely even notice 😂

angelos02 · 10/09/2026 15:05

I am middle-aged and would still never use the 'f' word (and certainly not the c word) around my parents. It is just so disrespectful.

Timeforachange26 · 10/09/2026 15:02

AbsintheMakesTheHeartGrowFonder · 10/09/2026 14:59

I'm also 'one of these working class people' and I wouldn't use the word 'chav' in a million years.

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So what word do you use for the section of society with those traits then?

AbsintheMakesTheHeartGrowFonder · 10/09/2026 14:59

Timeforachange26 · 09/09/2026 23:06

That's ok. I am one of these working class people. We know the difference between regular working class people and the Cs

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I'm also 'one of these working class people' and I wouldn't use the word 'chav' in a million years.

Confrontcriticism · 10/09/2026 14:30

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Thepeopleversuswork · 10/09/2026 10:29

Morepositivemum · 09/09/2026 20:46

We all swear but I hate it, it’s unnecessary when you think of it. When I give out the kids say do you want us to say oh fiddlesticks, or oh fudge, but I just say why can’t you say ‘he or she was horrible, or say ow when you drop something on your foot or something. I think it goes along with the descent now into scumbagginess - people using the f word everywhere, I hear the c word 5/6 times a day - she was such a c for example- I think if we let everybody curse it’ll just get to the stage where everyone’s angry and cursing about people

Because "he was horrible" doesn't have the impact of "he was a complete bellend".

Context is everything, as with so much else in life. Swearing, when appropriate, is colourful and a great way to emphasise what you feel. It can be very funny and a bit of a bonding experience. A group of colleagues who have just been turned over by a horrible boss exhaling together and going "what an absolute wanker" is hugely cathartic.

If over-used, it is aggressive and coarsening. A bunch of kids hanging out on street corners calling all comers "cunts" is horrible.

But as someone else said upthread, the key is to teach children to read a room on when swearing is appropriate or not. Not to try to eliminate something which people have been doing for millenia and which is broadly harmless.

Dontmentionitlove · 10/09/2026 05:40

IronEverything · 09/09/2026 21:30

No

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@IronEverything but you do swear, yes?

Dontmentionitlove · 10/09/2026 05:39

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 21:56

How has this turned into a "Stately Homes" confessional?! 😅

Your mother actually sounds horrific OP. Bona fide abusive childhood and now nasty and judgemental.

Timeforachange26 · 10/09/2026 02:32

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 23:58

So am I, and I am sorry that you were unable to learn the difference between "saying it how I see it" and offensive. Your local college may be able to help.

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I am allowed to have an option on people's behaviour. If people don't want to be called chavs don't behave like them.

Not sure how my local college could help. Unless of course to try and put left wing woke views into me.

PissTakePeg · 10/09/2026 00:31

scalt · 09/09/2026 17:33

@PissTakePeg Is “stooshie” in the dictionary, or did you make that word up on the spot?

Yes, but probably not in an English one. See if Google will help you.

Original poster

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 23:58

Timeforachange26 · 09/09/2026 23:06

That's ok. I am one of these working class people. We know the difference between regular working class people and the Cs

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So am I, and I am sorry that you were unable to learn the difference between "saying it how I see it" and offensive. Your local college may be able to help.

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Screamingabdabz · 09/09/2026 23:14

We’ve always allowed our kids to swear - it is just language after all 🤷🏻‍♀️ The key is appropriateness.

Never ‘at’ anyone, never in anger, or in professional/formal situations.

As long as they know how to behave in polite and civil situations, what’s the problem?

Timeforachange26 · 09/09/2026 23:07

MNLurker1345 · 09/09/2026 20:50

The only place I experience the C word is on MN. Really!

@CandiedPrincess can I have another medal please?

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Yeah I never hear anyone using the C word in real life either

Timeforachange26 · 09/09/2026 23:06

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 20:40

Well it might make you LOL but it is now considered offensive. But if you are happy to come across as rude and ignorant with a refusal to be educated about the issue, you go for it. You will judged far more than I will when DD drops the odd F-bomb.

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That's ok. I am one of these working class people. We know the difference between regular working class people and the Cs

Cel77 · 09/09/2026 22:48

Swearing is nasty but teenagers like to show off by using swear words. I always correct my son when he uses the f word. His dad swears too so I've got my work cut out! I'll be your mum 😅

NeckMuscle · 09/09/2026 22:00

My kids are 20 and 21. We have never told them not to swear. Of course I’m sure they swear but they don’t swear at home in front of us for some reason. And definitely not in front of their grandparents.

I would not have loved it though had they sworn at a young age.

Original poster

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 21:56

How has this turned into a "Stately Homes" confessional?! 😅

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Original poster

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 21:50

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:41

Well at least keep her far away from your children

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Its funny actually, a few things have come out over the last ten years. Basically she envies my close relationship with the kids, how I am not authoritarian and explain things to them so it means that they accept my word ("Sorry but we cant have Maccies as we dont have the money for that this week") instead of "No - slap- stop asking for things". And then when I dyed my hair bright pink for my 50th she said that she wished she had been brave enough to not care what other people think, like I am. She is never negative to the kids, has accepted all sorts. Its me that used to get it and not so much now.

But sometimes, she reverts to type.

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Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:41

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 21:41

I wasnt surprised, just checking that I am not actually the freak she paints me as! It did make me wonder about what other people do, a bit like the "do you let your kids drink alcohol at home if they are under 18" threads. It was more checking that I hadnt actually got it completely wrong!

Why do I talk to her? For her enabler my father's sake. I am actually his carer and as she is early stage dementia, it is inevitable that I will end up being hers too. I would never want my sister to do it, and she has enough on her plate as her husband has some serious health issues and she has to work as well. Taking one for the team I guess.

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Well at least keep her far away from your children

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PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 21:41

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:36

So I’m surprised you were surprised by your mother’s reaction!

She sounds nasty as hell and I don’t know why you were chatting to her on the phone tbh!

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I wasnt surprised, just checking that I am not actually the freak she paints me as! It did make me wonder about what other people do, a bit like the "do you let your kids drink alcohol at home if they are under 18" threads. It was more checking that I hadnt actually got it completely wrong!

Why do I talk to her? For her enabler my father's sake. I am actually his carer and as she is early stage dementia, it is inevitable that I will end up being hers too. I would never want my sister to do it, and she has enough on her plate as her husband has some serious health issues and she has to work as well. Taking one for the team I guess.

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Melarus · 09/09/2026 21:40

That's awful, OP - I'm sorry you and your sister were treated so badly 💐

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:36

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 21:32

My mother did this to my sister. She was about 6. She had heard the word "Twat" and asked my parents what it meant, my mother dragged her up the stairs and washed her mouth out. She wasnt swearing! She was asking a question. Dsis and I both have never forgotten that moment because my mother made me stand in the bathroom and watch so I would learn the lesson too.

Yeah.....we did have a fucked up childhood.

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So I’m surprised you were surprised by your mother’s reaction!

She sounds nasty as hell and I don’t know why you were chatting to her on the phone tbh!

Original poster

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 21:32

IronEverything · 09/09/2026 20:52

I would have had my mouth washed out with soap for that.

I wouldn't go to that extent with my own kids but I certainly wouldn't allow them to swear in front of me. It's called respect.

My mother did this to my sister. She was about 6. She had heard the word "Twat" and asked my parents what it meant, my mother dragged her up the stairs and washed her mouth out. She wasnt swearing! She was asking a question. Dsis and I both have never forgotten that moment because my mother made me stand in the bathroom and watch so I would learn the lesson too.

Yeah.....we did have a fucked up childhood.

OP posts:

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 21:31

IronEverything · 09/09/2026 21:30

No

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Do you swear?