To be worried about filthy childminders house?

Come on OP, you should be able to articulate exactly what you mean by a filthy house. Even my imagination can describe a filthy house - visibly dirty grimy, stained toys, mounds of plates/dishes stacked up/lying around, no kitchen bench visible due to strewn dirty crockery everywhere, carpet/floors looking black, sticky, trodden, worn, door handles with sticky residue from grubby fingers or months of not being wiped/cleaned, thick dust covering surfaces, dog/cat hair lying in clumps, cobwebs dangling in corners or from lampshades … you get my drift? …. Yet all you can say is it just looks dirty 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Your posts are very passive and contradictory OP. Very strange.

You say the house has a general sense of filth, yet you’re happy to leave your child there and you’re “sure she’ll be fine”.

If the house really is filthy then no child should be left there in unsanitary conditions and you’re being a shitty parent to make your child endure that. Even if it is for a couple of hours.

@tennispros

I think its pretty easy to describe a dirty house.

I used to be a market researcher - interviewing in homes- and believe me, Ive been in some homes where Ive wiped my feet coming out

But they are rare

Lots of houses where the kitchen was cluttered and there would be piles of toys or clothes and it was a case of hold on whilst I shift that , but only a very few where there was a layer of dust on the bathroom sink and you stuck to the floor

To me dirty is just that, layers of dust in sinks and baths ( obviously not getting used ) not toothpaste on the mirror - DH manages to do that trick every bloody day. Dirty is a very obvious pee stains on the Lino and outside of the loo, not a missed poo stain in an obviously clean loo . Dirty is enough dog hair floating around that you could knit a jumper from, not a wiffey dog bed

Right now, sat in my lounge - just 2 of us - two pairs of shoes, my hand bag, the fire has spurted ashes over the hearth , the dog has left 4 toys where hes dropped them and the sofas look like they have been slept on - lap blankets and cushions askew , and todays post sat on the coffee table and I notice DH has left a half full glass sat on a lamp table , but I wouldn't be worried to let someone in ( even though my skirtings haven't been washed this month ) because this is just us living in a home . There's not a layer of thick sticky dust coating everything

So yeah, I think you can describe dirty

But the end of the day, you are not happy , it's not to your standards and that's what you have to deal with.

Personally , if the other children seem happy to be there I would give it a go - a week? - and seriously if not happy, if things haven't improved. look harder for an alternative - even if that means you go part time if there really is no other childcare

As an aside, way back in the 70s. ( 1974 iirc cos they constantly argued what the rate was having changed from imperial to metric ) mum paid a local lady to lift me and sister from school and to keep us till she got home - so around 2 hours? We were left in the dining room - a small room off the hall before the kitchen. No TV, no soft chairs , no toys. We had to sit there in silence in what really was a bare basic room. The lady and her partner would stay in their bedroom - with the colour TV, the room was alike bazaar with huge OTT furniture and furnishings . And we and her daughter would have to sit in silence and not disturb them

House was bloody spotless though. Would be, kids being told to sit and not move

I feel a bit bad OP that the thread has become about your imprecise use of language. I know you said you weren't being defensive but I really think that is something to take away from all the comments: filthy means something and it's not particularly subjective.

If you meant that you think the cleanliness was not what you would personally feel comfortable with, then that is subjective and folk could argue with you but the decision is ultimately your responsibility.

I have come around to thinking that if you don't feel like you want your child to be there, you need to find another solution. I once traded/begged childcare with another family I trusted to cover a few hours, would you do that?

Inagree.

Did you use the toilet whilst you were there? A dirty toilet would be a sign that she doesn't care about hygiene. That would be a no go for me.

Dirty dishes is something that can be looked past but dirty toys/floor/sofa would be concerning. The childminder is showing no concern about the welfare of the children she is looking after when the surroundings are grubby. Lack of hygiene means germs!

Right, so people have said if it’s filthy you can’t leave her there, you’ve said there’s no alternative - so why did you post? You’ve either disagreed with people saying is it really that bad, and when someone agrees with you that it’s awful and dirty you say “oh I’m sure it will be fine though.” I’m really unsure what you actually want anyone to say? You are the only one who knows if you’re over reacting, but if you know it’s that filthy, you cannot leave her there, it would be neglectful.

Definitely don’t take your kids there.

OP, I am curious, is when you turned up to leave your child there the first time you saw the house? Because I have used three different childminders before and viewed a couple more potentials, and I've always been invited to see the home first, have a look at what's offered and a chat with the potential childminder first. Did you not know what you were going to walk into?

Report to care commission immediately

See what it’s like on other occasions that you drop in. Our old childminders place would have looked terrible straight after they had their lunch (toys still out, used plates and cups, splatters on baby chairs), but clean and tidy towards the end of nap time (everything wiped down, washing up done, toys away etc).

Our childminder did also put the kids in front of the telly for a bit at the end of the day while she did a final clean up and sorted out their stuff.

No I’d cancel the arrangement and inform the childcarer bluntly I was concerned about the condition and hygiene of her house. How dreadful for you. I’d inform Ofsted too.

You are very sarcastic.

Your replies to the questions people are asking are sarcastic and abrasive. If you want people to answer your question, then maybe you need to give more information.

You don't seem to have an alternative anyway so what would you do if Everyone said no you shouldn't leave her there?

I wouldn’t be happy sending my child to a dirty house. I know you’ve said you don’t have many options but I would try to find a clean one whilst she’s there. Child minders usually need a food hygiene certificate, so I’m surprised about how bad you said the kitchen was but at least she won’t be eating there. See how it goes, how she is treated is definitely more important.

It was dirty, really dirty. Maybe a one off and maybe not

If it's genuinely dirty then it's not going to be a one off. You can tell houses that are usually cared for but the owners have been inattentive for a few days or weeks. To get proper grime it really needs to be consistently neglected.

I don’t understand your AIBU because yes you are being totally unreasonable to leave you child there. I had no concept of how some people live (professionals, owned house, no financial issues) until I went into my neighbours house 😱🤢

I wouldn’t send my child to somewhere ‘filthy’.

Dirty plates shouldn’t make a whole house ‘dirty’. Most childcare’r/s or parents if busy after meal would just stack plates in one area near sink ready to load to dishwasher or hand wash later once they have settled the children. It wouldn’t make a whole kitchen suddenly dirty.

I wouldn’t want to stay somewhere dirty myself so wouldn’t expect my child.
Whilst my living room floor is a current explosion of knex, massive box turned playhouse, magformers and blocks from ds playing. My actual surfaces are uncluttered, kitchen and bathroom clean, and any other surfaces, sofas all useable. I would expect similar in a childminders

I know what u mean !!
Dirty and grimy is a house that's not had regular cleaning schedule so the lounge has not been tidied or cleaned or hoovered for ages and ages same with the kitchen it sounds cluttered and mucky probably sheer laziness or maybe she is ND and struggles with organising.
I would not let me child stay there she could very well end up with a sickness or diarrhea bug at some point with lack of cleaning hands ect ect u know what little kids are like !! Hands in their mouths yuk
Deep in your gut u don't wanna leave your daughter and u shud go with your gut instinct and face work your daughter is more important than work and by law they can't sack u

@tennisprosyou cannot be the only person in your area needing wraparound care so there must be some alternative? Can you buddy up with someone and you take theirs and they take yours a day or so etc. I know you say it’s only a couple of hours but if your dd is only 3 you have years of wraparound care issues - generally the nursery stage is easier than school as days are longer and the holidays aren’t like school.

I hope you find an alternative, I think I live quite a sheltered life and it’s awful what some other people think of as normal or ok!

You said “……. the house was filthy, really filthy…..”
There’s just no way I would leave my precious child in a really filthy house.
I just couldn’t.
The childminder knew you were coming.
Odd isn’t it you can’t see the Ofsted report.
How do you know she is Ofsted registered ?

Grim, I wouldn't.

When you say 'signed up in the summer' @tennispros presumably you saw the place then? Was it massively different?

@tennispros no way would I leave my kids that was like that. They seem lazy or worse
so how are they going to care for your child if they can’t even look after the house. That would be a big red flag and definitely would not go back. Good luck

@Banjas with you 100% no way plus I don’t want my child to think this is normal healthy living !

Dirt and mess are totally different things