School uniform rules - disregard or not?

I think schools should have a fairly light touch, when it comes to uniform. Ds1 and ds2 were in selective grammar schools with strict rules and expensive uniform - when ds1’s PE kit went missing, it cost over £100 to replace it, because there was indoor and outdoor kit, and three different pairs of trainers - even different socks - and it all had to be bought from the school.

We then moved to Scotland, so they moved to the local secondary school, where the uniform was far more lenient - grey or black trousers or skirts, white shirt, black fleece, sweatshirt, jumper or cardigan - only stipulation they had to be V necks to show the tie. Instead of lots of expensive kit, PE kit was shorts and t-shirt or jogging bottoms, no football colours.

All three dses went through this school, and all three flourished. I never saw any evidence that behaviour or attainment was negatively impacted by the less strict uniform code.

I think that a lighter touch makes it easier for the staff to enforce the rules that do exist, because they aren’t nitpicking every single pupil over really minor issues.

Meh , I’ll own up I didn’t/don’t insist on certain school rules being upheld because I don’t feel that strongly about it and I think it’s down to DD to manage the “risk” and deal with the consequences. I guess it helps she’s a pretty good kid so a warning or one detention(the consequences you said would be at the private school too) would be more than enough to get her to correct her own behaviour. So I wouldn’t change my level of interference regardless of setting.

However , if it came to serious consequences, multiple detentions, isolation, suspension, calls home etc. I’d give consequences at home too. State or private.

Different of course for emergency situations - dog has eaten shoe / tie got lost / etc etc and am sure most schools would be ok with this

School uniform rules have legally had to be relaxed somewhat this year. But why wouldn't you follow the rules? Do you want your child to stand out like a sore thumb? Like another poster, my dc is at a selective grammar school, and their dress code is strict, even for 6th formers. It's a good life lesson. In society there are rules to be adhered to, whether you like it or not. (For context, I also have an ASD child and rules apply to him too)

I agree completely. I would follow rules for a free place at prestigious private school (with all the contacts and job opportunities that presents), as my child is getting something valuable in return, that I wouldn't be able to provide them with otherwise.

From a personal perspective, the local state school is deserving of less respect because they don't fulfil their legal obligations to provide my child with an education, don't comply with the EHCP and actively avoid addressing violent bullying. (From reports, the local high schools aren't any better.) In your scenario, I would encourage my child to follow pointless rules because the benefits far outweigh the annoyance. In my state school example, I have no desire to force my child to wear black socks, because the school can't even be arsed to keep him physically safe.

Depends what you mean by “backing up school rules”.

Providing the correct uniform, but not being particularly bothered if your child breaks one you consider silly or irrelevant to their learning , letting them deal with the consequences if they do and only intervening when/if it becomes serious?

Or deliberately buying the wrong things or adjusting the uniform ,sending them in like that with your full blessing and then kicking up a massive fuss if/when they get in trouble?

You're a very black and white thinker. Breaking more school rules would have been to your benefit.

I wouldn't respect daft rules, or the staff who invented/enforced them at either a private school or the local comp. I think I'd probably feel something closer to contempt for the individuals that created them.
However respect for the staff is not required to have the good sense to prioritise a very good education and conform when shit looks like it might go sideways. I wouldn't want my DC to face serious consequences at either school, neither would they. The nature of the school is actually irrelevant.

Generally I do support uniform rules.

I have twice gone against the school over uniform issues. Once when the uniform was changed but parents were told children could wear the old uniform until they wore it out. New starts had to start in the new uniform.

Then twice my DD was told she was getting detention for wearing the old colour skirt. Twice she was told to come home and twice I told the school she wasn’t doing it. I raised that children should absolutely not be being punished for wearing uniform their parents were told they could wear. The HT claimed there had been an error and said it wouldn’t happen again. I wasn’t the only one who complained, but apparently I was the only one that told my child to leave when they had a detention and the HT did threaten to give her a detention for leaving when she’d been told to stay, but relented when I made clear I wouldn’t be standing for that one.

The other was when the HT changed the coat policy and stated that if kids were wearing a winter coat over their blazer it had to be black or grey.
Kids walk to that school a mile and a half along narrow paths on a windy road. They also have to cross three roads. They need to be visible.
It turned out it was actually against their trusts policy so it was quickly overturned. The deputy head told me, in front of other parents, that as someone who worked in schools I should be “100% behind school rules 100% of the time”.

But they can all be the same in polo shirts and comfortable trousers.

Some uniforms are overly fussy - and expensive.

I know there is supposed to be a cap on branded items now, but it hasn’t worked like that in DDs school. You can still only buy uniform from one shop in a certain town (shirts that are a weird colour with funny collars, skirts and trousers with weird pleats that you just can’t buy on the high street), and it’s still eye wateringly expensive. While they can only now have 4 school branded items, and you can just buy a plain, navy blue polo shit and jogging bottoms for PE, they still sell everything branded as well and there is huge pressure among the children to have them, and most of the parents want them, as they want the world to know thier child goes to that school.

I support school uniform policies. The point of it is not about control, it's about uniformity so that no child is singled out for being different

Mind you, I went to a school where the only umbrella allowed was the official one with the school crest.

No, that is true.

And to focus on the OPs question, I would support a schools uniform policy as the rules are the rules. I did look into it though when looking at secondary schools and ones that were 'only this shade of blue hairband is allowed' did slip down my order of preference - although it was up to dd in the end (very glad she agreed with us, made that much easier!).

The local secondary school has for more strict rules than the grammar my daughter attends, especially for 6th form. My daughter is allowed dyed hair, piercings, wear anything she chooses. The local school requires full uniform, right through sixth form, no dyed hair, no make up and only one piercing in each ear - no self expression allowed.

I did warn my DCs that as the well behaved ones in school they were the ones who ran most risk of being made an example of. Nobody would notice if little Jimmy Bloggins was in isolation because he was there every day. Put one of the 'good' kids in isolation for having the wrong colour pencil sharpener and everyone notices.

The thing is that if you have decided to send your DC to a private school you have bought (quite literally) into the whole thing. If your child is receiving a bursary to be there then you have even more of a vested interest in conforming for fear of losing the privilege.

If your DC is in the state system then you may have no choice about which school they are allocated a space in. Outside major towns and cities there may only be one secondary school. Bad luck if the head decides to introduce ultra strict uniform rules. Your choice may then be to either fit in or home educate.

And in all of this the DCs themselves get the least choice.

DDs secondary school had very strict rules for uniforms and appearance but they only appeared to apply to some children. The cool kids and the ones who spent a lot of time in the house office for more serious issues got away with loads of minor infringements. In fact they frequently got awards just for turning up to lessons ffs but quieter well behaved kids who did nothing to draw attention to themselves got nothing but were always picked up in a uniform inspection.

I think the complete opposite! To me, polo shirts are scruffy whereas a proper shirt, tie and blazer looks really smart.

At the end of the day you can think a rule is stupid but if you’ve decided to send your child to that school you’ve also agreed to the uniform rules. And there is evidence that if you ignore minor infractions then people will just push the boundaries further.
My DS’s school has just got a new headteacher. He is an absolute stickler for uniform but it’s very clear and transparent as to what he expects. It’s astonishing how many parents are encouraging their kids to not comply.

We won't disregard the school uniform rules in my family. DS went to a super selective boys grammar (he finished his A Levels last year) and DD is at a very highly regarded C of E school. Both have/had strict uniform rules. I make sure the DC had the uniforms and school stuff that they needed. I also told them that I wouldn't tolerate them breaking any of the school rules and would support any sanctions that the school put on them.

To add though, we're very lucky because I had the means to save up to get their (very costly) uniforms and PE gear. I know that it is a struggle for many. Also lucky that the schools both had secondhand uniform shops (so I could buy spares and next sizes up of things when needed).

I went to international schools back home and private school in the UK. Again, very strict uniform policies and school rules. My parents would make sure we respected and followed those rules. I am glad though that there are now new rules on school uniforms (i.e. how may things have the school logo on etc). When my two started at secondary, I was paying out hundreds for uniforms (the stuff with logos that they needed). I had to save up for it, and was in the lucky position that I COULD do that. I don't want to imagine how hard it was for other families less fortunate.

I would follow them for both.

Yes, it must waste so much time and energy.

I went to secondary school in the late 1970s and we had a uniform but they were very relaxed. The only issue was that we couldn't wear trousers but that was normal back then.

Some girls even wore knee length boots and noone cared.

There the thing though, the girls at DDs school had to really try to get a place there. Thousands take the 11+ and try to get in, from all over the place. They all wanted to be there. They are all motivated and work hard.

There doesn’t tend to be any behaviour issues due to them all actually wanting to be there, the school say that themselves.

So why are girls getting behaviour point and then detentions because of sock length, or pencil cases being blue instead of black, or because it’s PE and they haven’t tied their hair up?

dd got her first behaviour points last year in year 7 for hair and PE. She had been helping the last teacher clear up after a lesson and then had to run to PE. She wasn’t late, but didn’t have time to tie her hair up yet when she walked in the door. She had the hair tie there, was going to after she put her bag in the locker, but the teacher walked in, saw her hair down and bam, 3 points and one more for anything meant a detention. She was so demoralised after that for ages.

She does follow the rules, I buy her everything they insist on, but when they jump on every tiny little thing, there are children who think, “fuck it then.”

(And no, I didn’t call the school or kick off, I told dd that on PE days, just go into school with your hair tied up, that way, it won’t happen again).

This school positively encourages it
https://www.bristolclownschool.co.uk/
I believe there is one in Brighton too.