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Original poster

To ask if my boyfriend doing this last night is ‘normal’?

527 replies

Helenaslide · 08/09/2026 15:45

I was having a bath last night and he came in and used the loo (no.2). I shouted and asked what he was playing at and he said he has always done this with partners and vice versa as have plenty of people he knows. He stayed for a couple of minutes until he had finished and left laughing.

For context - together 4 months, he was staying at mine last night.

He has said he won’t do it again but I feel a bit humiliated by it tbh.

OP posts:
Tuesdayschild50 · 09/09/2026 18:52

Oh thats disgusting the smell id of finished with him and cleaning himself in front of you ... no no no .

ScorchedEarthAdjacent · 09/09/2026 18:51

Just. No.

EMUKE · 09/09/2026 18:43

No I’m sorry but married 15years. Never ever would I do this or want this happening to me. Sorry but it’s disrespectful. First red flag! 3 strikes and he should be gone. Have some self respect.

ginasevern · 09/09/2026 18:43

I'm nearly 70, been married twice and had numerous relationships. None of them have ever taken a dump in front of me. This was absolutely about control and humiliation. He set you up for it when he said he'd bring you a glass of wine. He sounds like a giant turd, one that you should quickly flush out of your life OP, if you've got any sense.

Bunny65 · 09/09/2026 18:29

Absolutely no excuse then. Why would he want to do that?

tsmainsqueeze · 09/09/2026 18:24

HelpMeGetThrough · 08/09/2026 17:05

We fart like troupers in front of each other, that’s no problem. A shite? No way.

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😂

nutbrownhare15 · 09/09/2026 18:23

Not normal in my experience. I've been with DH a long time. Wees are fine occasionally but I don't think we would have done that even after only 4 months. Do you want to stay with him after this?

suzysnowball · 09/09/2026 18:22

A wee if desperate maybe, but a Bobby brown no way!

independentfriend · 09/09/2026 18:19

In a house with three toilets then no, this isn't behaviour I'd accept from a partner. Bathing / showering is a private activity for me - I don't want to be watched washing even by people who see me naked in other contexts.

I get IBS symptoms/ faecal urgency and would check no one needed the loo before I started showering/ bathing if there was only one bathroom. But it's completely different when there are multiple bathrooms available.

Angeruish · 09/09/2026 18:17

time for you to do the dumping

Swiftie1878 · 09/09/2026 18:14

Helenaslide · 08/09/2026 16:26

I have three toilets. I was in the main bathroom, there is also an en-suite and downstairs loo.

Reading the replies has made me realise it was likely deliberate/making a point.

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Yeah, that’s gross. He has a choice of three loos and chose to use the one next to your bath?!? 🤮

ASongOfRiceAndPeas · 09/09/2026 18:14

I’m being so serious when I say this, but that’s actual grounds for a fight (as in physical lol). I’d have jumped out of the bath in a fury and kicked off. Hope you’ve dumped him!

Bilboben · 09/09/2026 18:13

Dump him uncultured slob.

dh280125 · 09/09/2026 18:11

No, not normal. Do lots of couples do it? It seems, horribly, yes. See other thread today about some bloke actually kicking off about a locked bathroom door.

dreamiesformolly · 09/09/2026 18:10

mtobrokeme · 08/09/2026 17:37

It absolutely is in our house. However, we’ve been together a very long time and we’re both comfortable with it, we don’t even have a lock on the door.

You’re not comfortable with it and you’ve been together such a short amount of time so, no, it’s not okay.

But presumably one of you wouldn't walk in and take an actual shit while the other one was in the bath? Knowing they would be left with the smell (quite apart from having to see them wipe etc)? If DH did that I don't think I'd ever be able to fancy him again. 😣

MMAS · 09/09/2026 18:09

With three toilets in your property then this shows a complete lack of respect for you. I would dump (excuse the pun) before he shows further how little respect he actually has for women. That was a trial test.

daisyydaisyy · 09/09/2026 15:05

Never ever ever had this happen in any of my relationships. That is vile.

OneKeenPeachRaven · 09/09/2026 15:04

Randomly deciding to take a dump in the bathroom your partner is enjoying a bath in when there are two other toilets available is weird. At four months and without so much as a by your leave, it's unhinged.

Even with a medical condition (I have one) there is a difference between 'needs must & lets not speak of it again', 'this is acceptable in context' and 'this is ideal'.

That almost doesn't matter though. The biggest red flag is the weird behaviour and lack of respect for boundaries (or indeed taking the time to find out what the boundaries are) so early in a relationship.

Soulhorse · 09/09/2026 10:44

Get rid of this man. He’s showing you that he’s dominant over you in your own house. Before you know it, he’ll have moved in and be lording it over you. Massive red flag.

TotaleclipseinFrance · 09/09/2026 10:22

Peeing? Yes OK.
Pooing? Absolutely not.
If I really could not hang on, I would ask the other person to leave, do what I had to do, open the window and or air freshener.

Simply walking in and doing it. Absolutely not!!!

Get rid of him for goodness sake.

Waitingfordoggo · 09/09/2026 10:16

My dog looks embarrassed when he’s having a poo. He does a side eye thing. I turn away to save his blushes 😂

BunnyLake · 09/09/2026 09:57

Awkwardisfunny · 08/09/2026 17:51

I actually think they might. I recall my family dog hiding under the kitchen window when going for a poo in the garden, if she looked and saw us watching - she would also sometimes look over at us sheepishly, as if to say "ffs why are they watching me".. obviously, so we knew when to call her back inside, not some weird fetish.

Animals, especially dogs, do seem to feel shame. I recall the look of guilt when another dog destroyed something of mine. Or when they had run off and not come back when I called. The body language said it all. Or when the dog accidentally knocked me over and hung its head low afterwards, as if by way of apology, and then refused to leave my side because I was limping. That was a big deal because that dog loved running off and exploring everything, chasing anything that moved.

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My dog would do the same, as if she was saying, excuse me, do you mind! I started turning away from her out of respect 😊

dreamiesformolly · 09/09/2026 09:34

Awkwardisfunny · 08/09/2026 17:51

I actually think they might. I recall my family dog hiding under the kitchen window when going for a poo in the garden, if she looked and saw us watching - she would also sometimes look over at us sheepishly, as if to say "ffs why are they watching me".. obviously, so we knew when to call her back inside, not some weird fetish.

Animals, especially dogs, do seem to feel shame. I recall the look of guilt when another dog destroyed something of mine. Or when they had run off and not come back when I called. The body language said it all. Or when the dog accidentally knocked me over and hung its head low afterwards, as if by way of apology, and then refused to leave my side because I was limping. That was a big deal because that dog loved running off and exploring everything, chasing anything that moved.

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IMO cats tend to seem uncomfortable too if they ever need to poo in front of humans. I put it down to knowing they are more vulnerable than usual in that moment, though, rather than necessarily from any sense of shame, most cats are too brazen to care what we think of them. 😸

Imdunfer · 09/09/2026 09:15

Switchnow · 08/09/2026 21:52

For sure they feel fear/anxiety about things and that may be one of them, but shame is a human social construct.

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Shame is a human social construct which evolved for a purpose.

Talking of evolution, people in the act of defecating are vulnerable to external threat. Faeces are a biological threat to others. To deliberately defecate physically close to someone is a huge gesture of dominance from both points of view.

I hope the OP finds the strength to get rid of this guy, he's bad news.

RampantIvy · 09/09/2026 08:33

Is the OP coming back or is she still fumigating the bathroom?