Page 4 | To ask if my boyfriend doing this last night is ‘normal’?

Helenaslide · 2026-09-08T14:45:29+00:00

I was having a bath last night and he came in and used the loo (no.2). I shouted and asked what he was playing at and he said he has always done this with partners and vice versa as have plenty of people he knows. He stayed for a couple of minutes until he had finished and left laughing. For context - together 4 months, he was staying at mine last night. He has said he won’t do it again but I feel a bit humiliated by it tbh.

lilkitten · 10/09/2026 12:20

We do that now, though we've been together 20 years and didn't for the first several years. Though we've always shared the bathroom at bedtime, just not necessarily for no.2 just no.1

Radioheads · 10/09/2026 12:18

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · 10/09/2026 08:14

SHE HAS THREE TOILETS!!
He could have used any of the remaining vacant ones…yet chose to shit in front of her, whilst she was bathing AFTER SHE HAD ASKED HIM NOT TO!

It wasn’t a ‘misunderstanding’.

It was a power play.

A ‘test and apologise’ to see how far he can push her boundaries.

This is how abusers start. They start small…they test…little things like this…and apologise…on repeat.

What part of this seems ok to you? 🤷‍♀️

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Completely agree.
And then some women wonder how they get to where they are living with completely disrespectful pigs?
Well not tolerating pigish behaviour like this from any man ever, is definitely a start.
Dump pigs, don't excuse disrespectful behaviour.
35 years married and the idea of any man doing such a profoundly disrespectful thing is unbelievable.

Absolutely no way any man with an ounce of respect for himself or any woman would behave like this.

Therealjudgejudy · 10/09/2026 11:42

Totally disgusting. Shows a total lack of respect for you. Dump him.

Itsseweasy · 10/09/2026 11:19

This shows a clear lack of respect for your boundaries which is a huge red flag.

supersop60 · 10/09/2026 11:16

YellowScarfRupert · 09/09/2026 20:49

perhaps this is why they are his ex’s

This x1000

RampantIvy · 10/09/2026 11:15

I'm beginning to think that the OP might be a post and run poster.

aLittleWhiteHorse · 10/09/2026 10:40

Just checking back for an update, which I hope will be that the OP has exited the relationship!

I have no problem with using the toilet in front of an intimate partner I know well and vice versa, but neither of us would ever choose to force the other unnecessarily to endure an unpleasant smell. It is only manners (& more dignified/peaceful) to use another bathroom.

What will this man be unpleasant and domineering about next? And he ignored the OP’s feelings about it. 🙄

MrsPositivity1 · 10/09/2026 10:00

I don't think i could ever get past this.

Wecanbeheroes26 · 10/09/2026 09:45

Nobody does this. Chuck him back.

Retro12 · 10/09/2026 09:27

jobling · 09/09/2026 20:15

Okay not ideal, do you have another toilet that could have been used, sometimes it’s not possible to hold on.
had you been in the bath ages.. personally I think it odd you were in the bath when he was over, after dating for only 4 months. Perhaps, it says youre comfortable with him and he thought pooing acceptable because he’s comfortable with you.

It depends on his upbringing and what he has been lead to believe is acceptable, as long as you state your boundaries and he respects them then going forward all should be fine!

What?? You're seeing someone for 4 months and he is staying over, you wouldn't have a bath... Rather rancid of you!

wishingstaar12 · 10/09/2026 09:18

No you're not being unreasonable. It's gross. When you're having a nice bath and someone comes in and drops a stinker. My dd (6) does it and thinks it's hilarious. This is about the maturity level of your partner. It's only been 4 months, ya still got time girl

HoppingPavlova · 10/09/2026 09:14

Helenaslide · 08/09/2026 16:26

I have three toilets. I was in the main bathroom, there is also an en-suite and downstairs loo.

Reading the replies has made me realise it was likely deliberate/making a point.

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Okay, I was all up for defending him until I read this. It would be unlikely for both other toilets to be occupied, which makes him gross. If it was the only toilet, I wax prepared to defend him as these days when I need to go, I need to go ‘now’ but even I have time to get to another toilet in the house as long as I set out asap.

PixieFairySprite · 10/09/2026 09:09

Lexingtonavenueandme · 09/09/2026 19:30

You shouldn’t have to lock a door to make sure your partner doesn’t poo whilst you’re in the bath! That’s not a thing!

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Ha! Well, bathroom locks are a 'thing' and yes, normal to lock them. Also, OP answered this earlier. Boyf. had told her he was bringing her a glass of wine, so to leave the door unlocked. But really, he wanted to come in for a poo! She he lied to her. And on that basis, I'd be out of there!

TaterTots68 · 10/09/2026 08:46

I wouldn't have a problem with DH doing this (although we don't actually have a bath!), but we've been together a long time and he'd ask first and it would only be because he was desperate and we've only got one loo. Same the other way around. But...a fairly new relationship and he hadn't asked if it's ok with you is grim and would put me right off

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · 10/09/2026 08:14

Charleymouse · 08/09/2026 16:42

This was completely normal when I was a kid. Anybody in the bath could expect anyone (family obs) who needed the toilet to use it. Also if
on the toilet someone else could come in and use other parts
if the bathroom, ie run a bath etc.

MN has a bit of a
bodily function blind spot in my opinion and an aversion to bodily fluids and products.

This whole how to declutter phase of if there is 💩on anything you should bin seems ridiculous.

Going forward if he repeats after you've explained it is not acceptable to you then take action. If it is just a misunderstanding and everything else is good chalk it up to different strokes for diffferent folks.

SHE HAS THREE TOILETS!!
He could have used any of the remaining vacant ones…yet chose to shit in front of her, whilst she was bathing AFTER SHE HAD ASKED HIM NOT TO!

It wasn’t a ‘misunderstanding’.

It was a power play.

A ‘test and apologise’ to see how far he can push her boundaries.

This is how abusers start. They start small…they test…little things like this…and apologise…on repeat.

What part of this seems ok to you? 🤷‍♀️

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · 10/09/2026 07:57

I’m 62 and have had many partners…including 3 husbands 🤦‍♀️…they might have all had their problems, but not once did any of them consider it ok to come into the bathroom, whilst I was in the bath, and have a shit! That’s so disrespectful!

I know that some ‘super cool’ mumsnetters will be along to say they’d be fine with this…but most of us won’t be. I doubt most people would be ‘ok’ watching a grown man fart and grunt out a shit, wipe his arse, then leave his stench for us to wallow in as we soak in our bubbles!

Utterly foul!

KrispyKrusty · 10/09/2026 07:51

outerspacepotato · 08/09/2026 16:28

If you have 3 toilets, that was a test about boundaries and what you'll tolerate. It was definitely deliberate and a power play.

Massive ick.

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I agree.

if it was just feeling comfortable with you or because of digestive issues he would have checked it was okay first. But anyway who would do this if there were other available toilets. I think deffo a power play. Bet he likes laughing with his mates about the look on your face afterwards.

Yuck. Four months in and a big red flag IMO.

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 10/09/2026 07:15

Seajaye · 10/09/2026 05:57

Looks like you've had your first red flag. Given you have other WCs available, and he knew you were having a longer relaxing bath because he said he would bring you a glass of wine, coupled with his assertion it's normal behaviour,.between couples ( it isn't) it's pretty clear it's the start of disrespectful, privacy invasive, and possibly controlling behaviour.

It's really isn't normal behaviour unless due to a medical condition/ disability and an emergency, with only one available WC . If that was the case I would have expected him to have mentioned the risk of this occurring at some point in last 4 months.

This!

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 10/09/2026 07:13

Helenaslide · 08/09/2026 16:26

I have three toilets. I was in the main bathroom, there is also an en-suite and downstairs loo.

Reading the replies has made me realise it was likely deliberate/making a point.

Show quote history

OMG!! He CHOSE to take a shit while you were having a bath?! 🤯

No. Nope. No way!!

What other ‘choices’ is he going to make. I can guarantee they won’t be considerate, kind, respectful, etc..

U53rName · 10/09/2026 07:00

ToadRage · 10/09/2026 00:04

I seem to be in the minority here but I think YABU having lived with my partner for 7 years in a flat with only 1 bathroom. Where else did you expect him to go? Do you have another toilet? Should he have gone home just to do a poo? Could he have waited? Even now we have two toilets, if I am getting ready for bed I will use the loo in the same room as my husband is having bath or shower to save me going downstairs. How do you possibly expect to live with someone in the future of you can't accept this? What else can't you deal with, watching then walk around naked or cutting their toenails, brushing their teeth?

Where else did you expect him to go?

In one of the other toilets OP mentioned? He had several to choose from.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/09/2026 06:45

Seajaye · 10/09/2026 05:57

Looks like you've had your first red flag. Given you have other WCs available, and he knew you were having a longer relaxing bath because he said he would bring you a glass of wine, coupled with his assertion it's normal behaviour,.between couples ( it isn't) it's pretty clear it's the start of disrespectful, privacy invasive, and possibly controlling behaviour.

It's really isn't normal behaviour unless due to a medical condition/ disability and an emergency, with only one available WC . If that was the case I would have expected him to have mentioned the risk of this occurring at some point in last 4 months.

👍🏻

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/09/2026 06:44

Think this is a test to see what disrespect you tolerate and he is only going to get worse and more selfish and maybe abusive from now on, stay safe op

Sheepsmellnice · 10/09/2026 06:40

Unacceptable. Get rid of him ASAP

Seajaye · 10/09/2026 05:57

Looks like you've had your first red flag. Given you have other WCs available, and he knew you were having a longer relaxing bath because he said he would bring you a glass of wine, coupled with his assertion it's normal behaviour,.between couples ( it isn't) it's pretty clear it's the start of disrespectful, privacy invasive, and possibly controlling behaviour.

It's really isn't normal behaviour unless due to a medical condition/ disability and an emergency, with only one available WC . If that was the case I would have expected him to have mentioned the risk of this occurring at some point in last 4 months.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/09/2026 02:32

I don't think he was trying to embarrass or humiliate the OP per se, but it was definitely a sign of disrespect and how he thinks.
They have been together a mere 4 months.
At the very least he is overly familiar and casual, but the way he reacted when OP told him she didn't find his actions okay shows him a fairly vile and disrespctful. You can't change that.