Page 7 | WIBU to give my daughter's friend a lift home in torrential rain?

DinonneS · 2026-09-08T14:31:25+00:00

A bit of advice need to how to handle this situation. So dd is 15 and walks to and from school. It’s about a 10 min walk so not far and dd has a group of friends, including one of our neighbours dd, who all walk together. Today we have had torrential rain all day so I dropped her this morning and said I’d pick her up. Messaged my neighbour (who works until 7pm) and asked if she’d also like me to pick up her dd. She said yes please so I’ve rocked up outside school to pick the two of them up. While there I see dd’s friend who lives about. 20 min walk but only a 7 min drive away and offered her a lift too and it was genuinely pouring down. She was very grateful and I know her mum so I knew she’d have no problem with it. All in all the extra drop off took me an extra 15mins and we were home at 3.10pm instead of the usual 2.55pm. Neighbour has completely kicked off that I didn’t tell her I was picking up and dropping another child while her daughter was in the car. She said we’ll be chatting about it tonight when she’s back home. Not sure what I’ve done wrong tbh

viques · 08/09/2026 19:59

15 minutes! If it had been an hour then she might have a point, but 15 minutes is the same as a couple of red traffic lights, a few people walking slowly over a zebra crossing or some people digging up the road causing a tail back!

You poor neighbours daughter will need to invest in some sturdy boots and a good waterproof because she won’t be getting warm, dry comfortable lifts home any more.

Ifeeltheneedtheneedforcoffee · 08/09/2026 19:54

Throwaway65131 · 08/09/2026 17:36

I am presuming that knowing you were collecting her at x time and how long the journey takes was expecting her child to walk through the door at 2.55pm. Perhaps she is a worrier. When they did not walk through the door at the expected time, she was then forced to spend the next 15 minutes sick with worry and unable to think about anything else, convinced that something awful must have happened. Not necessarily that you had done something but that something bad had happened to her child.

if the child is a teenager, whilst they are old enough to message mum to say “hey we’re dropping off friend b as well”, they are still a child and tend not to forward think about things like that.

Maybe they’re seen as overreacting, but if they were genuinely upset and afraid that could explain their attitude towards you.

YANBU at all to give dd’s other little friend a lift. It would be cruel to make them walk. But where it might be slightly that YABU is that you told or made neighbour think child would be home at 2.55 then took them on a jaunt without letting her know the revised ETA, leaving her completely in the dark to worry about her until you finally brought her back (15 minutes probably seems like a long time if you thought your child was being brought home by a trusted neighbour but they have not been!)

Please update us on how this goes when you speak with neighbour!

Phones work both ways.
If the mum was worried she could have messaged or rang her daughter rather than being "sick with worry" for 15 mins
It is not ops responsibility and I personally would prefer the person giving my dd a lift not to also be texting/ringing while she did it

Holdinguphalfthesky · 08/09/2026 19:51

What’s the problem with “picking up and dropping another child while her daughter was in the car”?

Do you think she knows her daughter is in enclosed spaces with all sorts of other children while she’s at school every day!?

Fascinated to know what the words are that she wants to have with you, @DinonneS

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 08/09/2026 19:37

In the other mum’s shoes, if I was wondering what the delay was and/or needed the DD home for some reason, I would text my own 15 year old to say ‘did X’s mum pick you up ok, you on your way back’? I’d have zero issue at a detour to drop someone else off and think you were very kind to ferry them all about in the rain. DS’s friend’s mum insisted on giving him a lift home from something once, but they then went off an hour long detour which was a complete pain as we were waiting to go out and DS didn’t have a key, but I wouldn’t have dreamed of complaining to the mum about it!

Walkerzoo · 08/09/2026 19:35

I.would.want to listen so that I could then say would you prefer a child get soaked in dangerous conditions. Then I would walk away and never offer a lift again.

DisappearingGirl · 08/09/2026 19:34

That's utterly batshit and you did nothing wrong.

However (and people will disagree with me here!) it's worth a lot to not fall out with your neighbours / kids' friends' parents, even if they are a bit highly strung. So I'd probably just listen to what she has to say and if she says "I was really worried" I'd just apologise - genuinely but not grovelling - e.g. ah I'm sorry you were worried, I should have got your DD to message you.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/09/2026 19:29

Throwaway65131 · 08/09/2026 17:36

I am presuming that knowing you were collecting her at x time and how long the journey takes was expecting her child to walk through the door at 2.55pm. Perhaps she is a worrier. When they did not walk through the door at the expected time, she was then forced to spend the next 15 minutes sick with worry and unable to think about anything else, convinced that something awful must have happened. Not necessarily that you had done something but that something bad had happened to her child.

if the child is a teenager, whilst they are old enough to message mum to say “hey we’re dropping off friend b as well”, they are still a child and tend not to forward think about things like that.

Maybe they’re seen as overreacting, but if they were genuinely upset and afraid that could explain their attitude towards you.

YANBU at all to give dd’s other little friend a lift. It would be cruel to make them walk. But where it might be slightly that YABU is that you told or made neighbour think child would be home at 2.55 then took them on a jaunt without letting her know the revised ETA, leaving her completely in the dark to worry about her until you finally brought her back (15 minutes probably seems like a long time if you thought your child was being brought home by a trusted neighbour but they have not been!)

Please update us on how this goes when you speak with neighbour!

“Sick with worry” about a 15 yo being very slightly later home than expected? Are you joking?

If that made us sick with worry most of us with teens would have dropped dead of worry long ago!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/09/2026 19:27

annonymousse · 08/09/2026 15:35

I'd be telling her the words she searching for are "thank you" and in future I will leave her daughter to walk and get soaked. Like they say no good deed goes unpunished.

I can’t really add to this for a perfect answer!

LarryForPrimeMinister · 08/09/2026 19:25

I'd understand if it was midnight or something but 15 minutes late at 3pm in the afternoon is nothing what a drama queen.

lightningatmidnight · 08/09/2026 19:22

What an arsehole (her not you!)

BigGra · 08/09/2026 19:22

Throwaway65131 · 08/09/2026 17:36

I am presuming that knowing you were collecting her at x time and how long the journey takes was expecting her child to walk through the door at 2.55pm. Perhaps she is a worrier. When they did not walk through the door at the expected time, she was then forced to spend the next 15 minutes sick with worry and unable to think about anything else, convinced that something awful must have happened. Not necessarily that you had done something but that something bad had happened to her child.

if the child is a teenager, whilst they are old enough to message mum to say “hey we’re dropping off friend b as well”, they are still a child and tend not to forward think about things like that.

Maybe they’re seen as overreacting, but if they were genuinely upset and afraid that could explain their attitude towards you.

YANBU at all to give dd’s other little friend a lift. It would be cruel to make them walk. But where it might be slightly that YABU is that you told or made neighbour think child would be home at 2.55 then took them on a jaunt without letting her know the revised ETA, leaving her completely in the dark to worry about her until you finally brought her back (15 minutes probably seems like a long time if you thought your child was being brought home by a trusted neighbour but they have not been!)

Please update us on how this goes when you speak with neighbour!

Oh come on, really ? All she had to do was text her own daughter and check on her ETA.

Isometimeswonder · 08/09/2026 19:21

Just say "There We Are Then"
(twat) and nod

TheEyesOfLucyJordon · 08/09/2026 19:14

Knickerstoya · 08/09/2026 15:37

Did you or the girl let the mum know she would be later home?

They're 15 FFS 🙄

Rpop · 08/09/2026 19:10

To add to the message I just sent, the context for me is that my children are primary school age and we live in the countryside with nothing to stop at between the school and home so a 20+ min delay would begin to get a bit worrying here. But if the children were older and at a slightly further away school etc, perhaps it would take me longer to get worried. But I would never be cross in this scenario!!

Rpop · 08/09/2026 19:04

If it was a much longer delay, I’d like a text to say “we’re on our way” - if if was longer than perhaps a 20 min delay, I’d start to get anxious. But I wouldn’t say anything to you other than thank you so much!! You did nothing wrong at all. Other than be kind.

emptygoosenest · 08/09/2026 18:53

Poor kid with a mum like that.
I absolutely wouldn't be having any further conversations with your Neighbour about it. The kid is going to be 16 next birthday!

fashionqueen0123 · 08/09/2026 18:48

Absolute nutter.

CruCru · 08/09/2026 18:44

There is a chance that the mum has just phrased it really badly.

Weeellokthen · 08/09/2026 18:43

Vodkamartini3olives · 08/09/2026 18:23

I know I'll get deleted but I'm going to put this at the top of the 'things that didn't happen list

Oh, i dunno. If that child had been a few years younger I would've suspected it was one of my fruit loopy ndn. 😂

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 08/09/2026 18:40

You've done nothing wrong.
The 15 year old ( who knows what her mother is like) could have texted her.
The neighbour herself, could easily have picked up her phone and called the DD or you.

I don't care for the tone of " we'll be chatting about it when she gets home." one bit.

I hope you don't take any nonsense from her OP and if you don't feel like taking an angry phone call, text and say you are too busy this evening but will discuss it when she's calmed down. And if she rings and is shouty, hang up .

SharkPants · 08/09/2026 18:37

No, you have done nothing wrong.
It was kind of you to offer her daughter a lift and it was kind of you to offer the other girl a lift.
What an ungrateful human she is.
I would have definitely done the same.
She sounds uptight.
Her daughter could have text her to let her know.
It's upsetting but, I'm sure the other girl's parents are very grateful that you helped her home.
Hopefully, she will calm down, realise how ridiculously ungrateful she sounds and apologise.
One thing, some of the advice you've been given, I disagree with. I, personally, wouldn't stop offering her daughter lifts if she's not out of your way, it is not the girl's fault. I bet she's mortified her mother is behaving like this. Inform the mum, if she decides to have a rant at you, that if her daughter would like a lift in the rain, you may make a detour to help out any stragglers, she can take it or leave it. My 15 year old would definitely be furious at me if I caused this fuss (but it would never cross my mind to get cross about this anyway!).
You have been so kind. Says more about her than it does you.

3luckystars · 08/09/2026 18:33

I would just stay quiet and listen to what she says and back away from her. (Moonwalking able)

Just for your own information, listen to her carefully, and then if you are ever thinking of helping her again, remember her.

Do not ‘discuss’ it or apologise, just to take in what she is saying so you will remember.

Ungrateful cow.

teensdrivememad · 08/09/2026 18:30

Wow, people never fail to surprise me!!!
Am intrigued to know what the "chat" is about- please do update us!

If she was worried surely she knew how to phone her own child. No wonder the world is on rhe state it is when people.are so ridiculously controlled

Pinkchickenwine · 08/09/2026 18:29

Throwaway65131 · 08/09/2026 17:36

I am presuming that knowing you were collecting her at x time and how long the journey takes was expecting her child to walk through the door at 2.55pm. Perhaps she is a worrier. When they did not walk through the door at the expected time, she was then forced to spend the next 15 minutes sick with worry and unable to think about anything else, convinced that something awful must have happened. Not necessarily that you had done something but that something bad had happened to her child.

if the child is a teenager, whilst they are old enough to message mum to say “hey we’re dropping off friend b as well”, they are still a child and tend not to forward think about things like that.

Maybe they’re seen as overreacting, but if they were genuinely upset and afraid that could explain their attitude towards you.

YANBU at all to give dd’s other little friend a lift. It would be cruel to make them walk. But where it might be slightly that YABU is that you told or made neighbour think child would be home at 2.55 then took them on a jaunt without letting her know the revised ETA, leaving her completely in the dark to worry about her until you finally brought her back (15 minutes probably seems like a long time if you thought your child was being brought home by a trusted neighbour but they have not been!)

Please update us on how this goes when you speak with neighbour!

Any reasonable person would message OP or child and say “are you delayed”, anxiety or being a worrier is no excuse whatsoever, if you’re that much of a worrier you can’t take a rational option then take the child to and from school yourself. No one else is safe to take your child, because they may make ultra rash decisions like the OP!

BunnyLake · 08/09/2026 18:29

Vodkamartini3olives · 08/09/2026 18:23

I know I'll get deleted but I'm going to put this at the top of the 'things that didn't happen list

Sometimes I think that’s 99% of MN.