AIBU to feel I have left it too late to drive?

I passed about 2 decades before having my own car etc. I did normal lessons again (just a few to freshen up) and then Passplus and a motorway driving lesson (with the AA). I still wasn’t very confident driving alone, so I joined IAM (Institute of Advanced Motorists).I would really recommend them. It’s a small yearly fee and you get to go out with an experienced expert driver and get improvement tips etc. You might even find a member through them who would be happy to do longer drives with you on occasion for an arrangement.
I was a nervous driver before, (because I was not very good at driving and knew it!). Now I am confident at driving. How I see it is that the more skills I have at driving the better. Maybe I will save myself or others an accident if I am safer. I would really encourage you to invest in your learning. It’s great to get into my car and not feel worried or anxious, and the freedom and practical help it gives is wonderful 💖

www.iamroadsmart.com/

You are never too late. My mum's elderly neighbour took refresher lessons when she was in her 80s (this was early 2000s) after her DH died. She had about 4 months of refresher lessons as although she could drive her DH used to do all the driving and had done all their married life. She did the lessons in her own car so she learnt to drive and park it confidently.

Find a good instructor and if possible have the lessons in your car.

Well take another 10 lessons - it will improve your confidence and on top of that go out once or twice a week with your DH. After that I'm sure that you will have more confidence to go out on your own. It takes some of us a lot longer to be comfortable driving compared to others. I didn't actually learn to drive until I was 40 and always hated it. I am now in perimenopause and my anxiety around driving is through the roof. I'm sure that if I had just driven more in the last 10 years it wouldn't be as bad as it is now, there is at least one day a week when I just cannot get in the car and drive to work and back and I have to take a taxi - it is costing me a fortune. Do not be like me!

I think you need to find an instructor. Have an assessment and start from the very beginning.

I'm not familiar with the way car driving instructors work as I'm involved training drivers of larger vehicles. With coaches we tend to find it takes longer to rehabilitate a driver who has a licence but hasn't driven for many years. So, a brand new driver we'd assign 4 days training before test and that gives a good pass rate. The absolute minimum for returners is 5 but often ends up being 7 or 8. Clearly there's no test but they get assessed by a second instructor. The accident rate is slightly higher for returning drivers in the first year compared to new pass.

I suppose the other thing to think about is that London is pretty much the worst place to drive anywhere. With the possible exception of Rome. I've driven all over Europe, quite literally, over 30 years. I'm not saying I wont drive in London but I always avoid it if I can. It's just unpleasant.

The only way to get over this is to do it. Is there somewhere nearby that you could drive to every day, park and drive home? Pick a journey you know well. Once you are confident with that, pick another journey and practise that one. Choose places like to supermarket that you will have to go, so that at least you know you can get to the important places.

I didn't learn to drive until my mid-forties and was hugely anxious, mainly about other cars, but the only thing that has made me confident is just doing it. I'm still cautious to some extent but I'm a good driver now.

And get a refresher course of lessons and get your instructor to take you on the journeys you will actually need.

Exposure to this will help. Start driving at times where there is minimal traffic on straightaways and work your way up from there. Also look at help with your anxiety.

As someone who had a break from driving when I moved here, it's doable - you already know how to drive. I did find getting my license helped a lot with the anxiety.

My friends mum passed in her 60s, same story.
You can do it. But it probably doesn't feel effortless for a while.
I've been driving for over 30 years but occasionally I still find it hard e.g. night drove 250 miles recently.
Town driving can be stressful. Kids can be stressful. Get lots of practice, ideally on your own. Give it a year.

I was 47, never ever wanted to drive. 6yrs on and I still get annoyed at myself for not doing it in my teens. Love love love it, the freedom to go where I want is just amazing

Do you get physical symptoms such as palpitations? If so maybe a beta blocker could help. You could take one 30 mins before and it might help. Even with a placebo effect.

People are trying to help but I am not sure you are listening to anyone here!!

You just need to get going! If you passed the text when you were young it will soon come back. 54321 go!

Soon just saw your update you covered the refresher lessons.
If you’ve already driven with DH in the car. This means you are insured so I’m guessing your driving license is valid in the UK.
Sunday mornings are the best for practice. Maybe ask DH to drive you somewhere quiet then you go on your own for some practice and come back to pick him up.
Set yourself a daily driving schedule and stick to it. Even 15 minutes at a time counts.

I hadn't learnt to drive when I was younger. I made a short attempt to learn in London but I was too scared and didn't get very far.

I moved slightly out of London about a year ago and had another try. I passed my test recently and have driven a few times independently now. Some just locally by myself some further afield with my husband in the car.

If you ate finding it intimidating in London is there any way you could take a train to slightly more outskirts areas to learn and build up confidence.

Never too late! One of my friends has just passed their test at 47 after years of on and off lessons, they were a super anxious learner but love driving now. My partner also works with a lady who passed first time at 58!

Get some lessons and ask the driving instructor to treat you as if you never passed your driving test.
i know you said you di, but this was over 2 decades ago, most likely in a country driving on the other side of the road I’m assuming, with barely any driving experience.
So, although, you know how to drive, and over 20 years ago you proved you were safe on the roads independently, you need to look at it as a new learning session.
It’s all still there in your brain and muscle memory but you just need to practice and listen to instructions.
I would also advise you re-familiarise yourself with the highway code. Just do some practice tests after working through the rules.

A PP had a useful question: are you sure your existing driving license is still valid in the UK? Get that checked just in case.

You’ll be fine but you just need to practice, practice, practice. First with an instructor so they can determine if/when you are safe behind the wheel. And then, on your own, in your own car at quiet times of the day.

You can do this OP!

YABU. I was the same. Eventually I was on 3 children and the stress of not driving finally tipped me into lessons and I drive all the time now. I’m still not good at parking. I had lessons with a lovely guy for several months. I was late 30’s so very similar age. I had limited driving experience and had never owned a car when younger. I got a car after having a baby and I only really managed when they weren’t infants as I was worried about safety and distraction - it’s still a factor with older children but not in the same way. It is brilliant being independent and it was unsustainable for me not to be part of ferrying kids when they started activities. Do it! Get the right kind of instructor for refresher lessons. I had a lovely man who quite enjoyed having another adult as he spends a lot of time with young people.

Don't discount this completely though. When you're driving and there's so much to focus on, having an automatic does take care of some of the thought load, so you can focus on spacing, parking, safety issues.

Honestly, please just stick with it. Your children will benefit from your ability to get you and them around now, and your ability to get yourself places, long into the future. You just have to keep at it. It really is a case of practice makes perfect.

I have driven for 30 plus years. Never parallel parked once! Don't despair you are not too old at all.my friends mum passed in her 50s

The effortless nature of it comes from hours behind the wheel. There is no substitute, you have to put the time in. A long course of lessons, and practice at quiet times of day, will really help you, but it takes a year or two of regular driving to get there. That said, I never achieved confidence in a manual. I know you said you aren't planning to change cars but it really is the way to go. All modern (electric) cars are autos anyway so it is inevitable. And parking sensors, and even better, parking cameras, make all the difference. But despite all that I'd still rather walk miles than park in a tricky spot.

Don’t let the negativity in.

you completely have this. I passed at 36 first time. What I realise now that I didn’t then, it’s about hours behind the wheel. Just do as many as you can with whoever will take you. Stop thinking about before, you’re starting again. Just go out as much as you can. The more you do, the easier it will be. Just get out there. You can 💯 do this.

You’ve just lost your confidence! You absolutely can do it. You have so much life left - keep doing lessons until you feel confident. You will get there

Just go out on quieter days/times on routes you already know to build up your confidence

Sorry I should clarify that it didn’t take me 3 years 🙈 I did it over the course of about 5 months. I just meant that my confidence and enjoyment of driving kept growing the more I drove, and 3 years on I love it and will drive anywhere!

If you've not driven, or not driven independently and confidently for 22 years please don't think it's OK to just start. Driving an automatic would maybe help a little, but I can see you've dismissed that out of hand.

A colleague of mine was, some years ago, involved in an accident between her coach and a car. The car driver had been licensed for years but not driven. She then decided to drive her partners car on a journey of about 50 miles on roads that by London standards are quiet. To cut a long story short she killed herself and her front seat passenger. The rear seat passenger didn't walk again.

Driving is serious business....