AIBU to feel I have left it too late to drive?

You have to just keep getting out, force yourself to drive every day, even just a short route that you know. When I first passed my test I drove every single night the 15 minute drive to Tesco and as a family of 4 there was always something I needed to pick up. You can then start making other small trips & it will become second nature. I’ve been driving for just under 2 years now and have done some pretty big drives across the UK, I don’t even think about getting into the drivers seat now it’s as normal to me as going to the toilet. You’ve got to push past that anxiety at the beginning, you won’t feel like this forever.

I'm in a similar position, in my 40s passed my test 9 years ago, drove a bit for the first year then stopped as I developed a fear of driving. Picked it up again a couple of weeks back as we're moving house soon and I need to be able to drive my car to the new house or sell it and admit defeat.

I've been out with my DH for a few short drives around a quiet industrial estate. I found I remember the technical side of driving pretty well, could find the bite, change gears etc. It's just building confidence around other cars (which has always been my worry with driving). I'm cautious person in general, so the worry comes from overthinking rather than lack of ability. As a passenger, I've started noting little errors other drivers make. Not in a negative critical way, but as a way of reassuring myself that I don't need to be a perfect driver, I just need to be safe and drive defensively.

The thing is, the more you put it off the worse it’s going to get. Your confidence will only build if you start doing it. I remember being 18 and terrified of driving alone so it’s not unusual how you feel and perfectly understandable. However the only way to build that confidence is to actually get out there and do it. Try short trips on your own and build them up gradually. You’ve definitely not missed the boat to drive but you need to take keep going and keep building your confidence

I know I’m a bit younger but I’m doing it now at 30, my instructor says she’s got a 50 year old learner! My mum is 52 and she’s going to be doing it next year. You’re never too old to learn a new skill!

I passed my test at 29, but had no confidence, had a complete meltdown the following day driving my partner’s car in horrendous traffic and NEVER got behind a wheel again! For the next 20+ years, felt baffled as to how everyone else seemed able to drive effortlessly but I was just terrified to try again. BUT a couple of years ago in my 50s, I decided I wanted to move out of a city to live in a rural location and it was out of the question if I couldn’t drive. So at 54 I found a wonderful driving instructor and did about 50 hours of lessons. Technically refresher lessons, but after 25 years, I basically felt like I was learning from scratch again. She had an automatic car, which I found a million times easier than manual, which I’d originally passed my test in. I would say for the first 20 hours or so, I would literally feel sick with fear before the lessons and my legs would sometimes be shaking when I got home. But I persevered.

After about 30 hours of lessons in her car, I bought myself a car and did another 20 hours with her in my own car, which was just invaluable. Finally, she had to tell me it was time to fly solo, as she felt I really didn’t need her sitting next to me any more!

That was 3 years ago and I now feel like a fairly confident driver, which I never envisioned. And I’ve been driving back and forth on 400 mile round trips to the coastal area I’m now hoping to move to. In fact, I love long distance drives far more than driving 10 miles around the city, which I still
find stressful.

It has changed my life and given me so much freedom. So it’s definitely not too late, OP. I would strongly advise you to do some practice with an actual driving instructor. Some are happy to take you out in your own family car, which is probably what you need. It will boost your confidence so much. So just find one locally and explain your situation, they will have heard similar stories before.

Best of luck. If I can do it, honestly, anyone can!

Don’t let the parking put you off - I have a class 2 lorry licence and can reverse a lorry with inches to spare. Get in my DD’s tiny Micra and I make a huge mess of parking it… It’s terribly embarrassing and family all think it’s hilarious. But overcome by parking at the back of the car park and walking further! 😂

Op, as you know yourself there’s only one way to get confident and that’s to get out there. Ten minutes round the block at a quiet time to start? Then a bit longer. Then at a busier time. I vividly remember how stressful it was at first, but you only get better by doing it. It’s so worth it.

YABU

You’re never too old!!
But I am definitely not as ballsy as I used to be and having kids increased my anxiety and so it definitely gets harder as you get older.

You just need to get used to it again.

Just do motorway driving for now and roads that you know like the back of your hand.

Have a few lessons with an instructor.

Park as far away as you can (I still park far away in supermarkets to get my steps in and because this is what I did when I first passed my test).

For now, avoid anything you don’t like eg parallel parking and country lanes etc - just focus on getting comfortable again.

I'm sure with some practice you'll gain confidence.
MIL was in a similar position, now FIL has unfortunately passed she won't drive anywhere and relies on us being able to take her somewhere if it's not on the bus route.

Never too late!! My aunt learnt to drive when she was in her 60's!!
Get out there and build up your confidence with an instructor if needs be. They'll help you with the car parking issues and get you through any other issues that you have to do with driving. You know you can drive - you just have to apply your knowledge and get to grips with driving on the correct side of the road. You can do it!!

I got my licence at 37 and have been driving for ten years. My friends mother got her license at 60! Completely changed her life. You won't know yourself. You can do it!

Just keep reminding yourself of the freedom it will give you

take some refresher lessons with an instructor who specialises in nervous drivers.

As PP have said, it will get so much easier with practise.

I passed my test in my late teens then moved to London so never had to drive. Moved when I was 28 out of London for a job I had to drive for. I had a full set of refresher lessons, maybe 20 hours or more. It was expensive but it really helped. Even then I wasn't fully comfortable driving until I had been doing so regularly for about a year. I have only just started parallel parking in the last year or so because I have car with all the sensors and cameras, before I avoided it like the plague (I'm 37 now)

OMG OP, I’m in exactly the same boat as you - even down to passing my test when I was in my early 20s, moving to London and never driving again! I’ve lost my driving license now too LOL.

Following the thread for all the advice, hopefully! Solidarity with you x

I did 2 tests at 20. failed, I wasn't interested in learning and the driving school (big well known) you had 6 lessons were put in for your test. Instructor was really angry, but I lived in London,it didn't matter. Then kids, mortgage,work,no spare money. I cycled. Late DM used to say when she won the Football Pool s she would pay for my driving lessons. It was a family joke. She actually got an inheritance, gave me the lessons for my 30th Birthday. Passed quickly. I have been in 3 entrapments, none were my fault,ex h had lost his job, I worked in a rural hospital,car was on finance, although it was totalledhad to be paid for. I signed up to The Institute of Advanced Motorist. Passed the Advanced test with a Police Examiner. I explained to them, I was terrified of cars. After the last accident, I couldn't even cross the road. The gave me back my confidence.Went out with DH on Monday it appeared he was the only person with indicators!

You just have to drive until you're comfortable. That's the only way.

Don't wait until you need to go somewhere, go out even if it's for 10 minutes. I used to drive to the gym even though it was walking distance.

I think we all get more anxious as we get older, and learning new skills gets much harder with age. It is possible if you are determined, but it might take quite a bit of patient and regular practice.

I passed 2 years ago at 41. I don't need to drive daily but being able to take my child somewhere is great. The freedom and not relying on my partner is really great. I'm still not great with long journeys or going places I don't know and I'm anxious before those journeys but totally fine when actually driving. Keep going. It sounds like you already have the foundations of driving, you just need to practice and build your confidence. Good luck.

Ahhh! Yes me too. Are you neurodivergent? I put it down to poor proprioception, slow processing speed, cognitive inflexibility and poor working memory. (All features of neurodivergence). I’m sure you can get over this though but it will take a lot of practice. DB is ND and hates driving but does it when necessary and is a good driver. I took absolutely ages to learn and passed my test but can no longer face driving due to the issues you mention

i agree with PPs that you would progress much more quickly with an automatic although I appreciate that you don’t want to change your car. .

Passed 5th attempt at 35! (It was first attempt with a new instructor who was much better) I now live out of London and am very grateful I had already learned

You CAN DO IT!!
I passed my driving test at 37 .I started at 19 but lots of thibgs got in the way kids, life, money etc but also some major anxiety after bad experiences over the yrs with certain instructors including physically waking up sobbing before lessons.
I actually passed my theory 3 times but they 'ran out' so had to be resat. I found a lovely instructor a friend suggested and lessons went great and passed on first go.
I do drive everyday (foster carer so usually have kids with me) but I'm not the most confident driver but I manage well. Parking in unknown areas is one of my worries but I try and find the smoothest place even if I have to walk a bit further .
I got annoyed with myself that it took me so long. When working it was a nearly 2 hrs by buses (2 different companies - lucky to get dropped off part of the journey) by car it was 20 mins! My friends mam, started to learn and past just after her 60th birthday!
Go for it , good luck x