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Original poster

DH wants to abort, I don’t

573 replies

ccd90 · 08/09/2026 14:39

8 weeks pregnant due to contraception failing.

We have 2 DC’s, one is 3, one is 1.

Abortion was booked for Thursday then this morning I had a big bleed, hospital scanned me and saw a baby with a strong heartbeat and no reason for the big bleed.

I have come home and told DH I cannot go through with abortion. He’s not happy. He said I’m only thinking of myself, he doesn’t want the baby, he’s saying he going to close our business down as he can’t deal with the stress and he’s going to go get a “normal” job.

It’s impossible to talk to him right now.

I haven’t been 100% sure about the abortion right from the very beginning and then today I walked out of the hospital knowing I had to keep this baby otherwise I was going to break my own heart.

I am in such a shit situation. I don’t know what to do for the best. If I have the abortion, I’ll resent him and we’ll end up splitting anyway. If I carry on with the pregnancy and he’s unsupportive then I think I will end up with pre and post natal depression (I’ve had PND since baby was born a year ago which I am currently getting help for).

I wish he could just hug me and say we’ve got this, we will make it work. I’m just so upset I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Specialneedsnightmare · 11/09/2026 12:59

That's so awful op. Sorry you went through that. Wishing you the best going forwards.

Spaniels4Eva · 11/09/2026 12:54

Oh Christ, that's horrific.

Look after yourself Flowers

Original poster
ccd90 · 11/09/2026 12:46

It was traumatic and a shit show if I’m honest.

I got given the tablets for cervix softening and then left for 3 hours in a waiting room like a drs surgery, with 4 men and a few women.

I then felt gushes of blood and realised I’d flooded through my pad, all over my seat and I stood up and it was running down my legs and dripping all over the floor in front of everyone whilst I alerted the receptionist to what was happening.

I was bleeding so heavily with huge clots they thought I had passed baby so they scanned me internally.

As I stood up blood was pouring again whilst they rushed about to hold tissues underneath me and the pads they use for puppy training, I was completely naked from the waist down whilst they tried to get the blood soaked up, I was so embarassed. My bottoms were covered in blood so I had to walk through reception past all of the people with a sheet tied around my waste with a huge sanitary towel tucked between my legs, my socks were covered in blood. It was so humiliating.

I went straight to the surgical room and within 15 minutes I was knocked out and woke up in recovery. I had to put my blood soaked socks and bottoms back on to leave then do the hour and 25 min drive home. (DH drove).

Horrible, awful experience but it’s done and now I have to move forward. Thanks for everyone’s well wishes x

OP posts:
NinaGeiger · 10/09/2026 19:58

Hope you're doing ok OP

atomeve · 10/09/2026 19:46

Aliscent · 09/09/2026 10:35

Leaving husband and relying on us, the taxpayers, as a non-working mother of 3 toddlers should not be a solution to anything in the real world, just because 'she should do whatever she wants'. It's time for the people to start taking responsibility for their own lives, lives of their children and their own choices.

You've given that strawman quite the dressing-down.

And OP - don't you ruddy dare come 'ere on a small boat, neither.

IDasIX · 10/09/2026 18:08

localnotail · 09/09/2026 07:35

Right, to reply to everyone - ok, I was wrong about abortion not being an easy decision even if its definitely wanted or needed and never regretted. Seems like my personal experience is not reflective of majority on here

However, everyone (I hope) would agree that having an abortion when you want the baby is not something that anyone should go through.

It’s really not as simple as want the baby = don’t abort, don’t want baby = abort.

Many, many women will make the very difficult decision to abort a pregnancy they would desperately rather keep because of the untenable impact of having the/another baby. Impact on marriage, existing children, finances, mental health, etc.

TaptheCap · 10/09/2026 17:47

ccd90 · 09/09/2026 17:23

I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you to everyone.

I’ve spent the whole night awake, I even made a list of positives and negatives.

There was one thing on my pro list which was “a new baby” but there was 11 things on my negative list including having to buy a new car and the strain on my mental health.

I have decided that yesterday was a fleeting feeling of seeing a scan and immediately reverting back to how I felt with DD & DS, they were planned and longed for. As cruel as it sounds, there is a reason I had the coil, we didn’t want another child.

My DH does bear the financial burden and it is a strain running a business and supporting a family. He isn’t the man so many people have suggested he is, he’s not cruel to me or controlling. He is as panicked about this as I am.

I’ve decided what it comes down to is the long term, I want to be the healthiest I can be for my children who are here because they deserve that. I also want a marriage that isn’t strained to the point of no return so I am going ahead tomorrow.

DH dropped the forms off at the drs at lunch and has an appointment for the end of the month for a vasectomy.

Thank you again and it has really helped me.

Edited

Sounds like you've made the right decision for you.

I'm really glad you took time to explore your feelings, you can then go through with the abortion knowing you have thoroughly considered all options.

You have every right to be sad, to grieve, even if ultimately you know it's the right thing.

Soontobe60 · 10/09/2026 17:23

ccd90 · 09/09/2026 17:23

I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you to everyone.

I’ve spent the whole night awake, I even made a list of positives and negatives.

There was one thing on my pro list which was “a new baby” but there was 11 things on my negative list including having to buy a new car and the strain on my mental health.

I have decided that yesterday was a fleeting feeling of seeing a scan and immediately reverting back to how I felt with DD & DS, they were planned and longed for. As cruel as it sounds, there is a reason I had the coil, we didn’t want another child.

My DH does bear the financial burden and it is a strain running a business and supporting a family. He isn’t the man so many people have suggested he is, he’s not cruel to me or controlling. He is as panicked about this as I am.

I’ve decided what it comes down to is the long term, I want to be the healthiest I can be for my children who are here because they deserve that. I also want a marriage that isn’t strained to the point of no return so I am going ahead tomorrow.

DH dropped the forms off at the drs at lunch and has an appointment for the end of the month for a vasectomy.

Thank you again and it has really helped me.

Edited

You’re a brave woman and for what it’s worth, it does sound like you’ve made the right choice for your family. I wish you well xx

FairLemonNewt · 10/09/2026 17:11

ccd90 · 09/09/2026 17:23

I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you to everyone.

I’ve spent the whole night awake, I even made a list of positives and negatives.

There was one thing on my pro list which was “a new baby” but there was 11 things on my negative list including having to buy a new car and the strain on my mental health.

I have decided that yesterday was a fleeting feeling of seeing a scan and immediately reverting back to how I felt with DD & DS, they were planned and longed for. As cruel as it sounds, there is a reason I had the coil, we didn’t want another child.

My DH does bear the financial burden and it is a strain running a business and supporting a family. He isn’t the man so many people have suggested he is, he’s not cruel to me or controlling. He is as panicked about this as I am.

I’ve decided what it comes down to is the long term, I want to be the healthiest I can be for my children who are here because they deserve that. I also want a marriage that isn’t strained to the point of no return so I am going ahead tomorrow.

DH dropped the forms off at the drs at lunch and has an appointment for the end of the month for a vasectomy.

Thank you again and it has really helped me.

Edited

This sounds like a very sensible and thought through decision - well done and good luck.

lastapache · 10/09/2026 17:02

A big hug to you today OP. From what I have heard, the procedure can take quite a unexpected physical toll on your body so be prepared for that over the next few days. And the hormonal swings. Like a period on steroids.

And you're allowed to grieve what might have been. It's a bit like breaking up with someone, but still being heartbroken, even though it was you that did the breaking up. Take your time. You might not feel it in the coming weeks (or maybe you will!) but I think you'll look back at this in six months or a year and be very grateful to Today You for being brave and making this decision.

Ineffable23 · 10/09/2026 14:55

All the best OP. I do think it's worth speaking to someone about counselling if you have any doubts. It's not something where you want to be second guessing yourself.

moppety · 10/09/2026 14:46

Wishing you all the best, OP x

Floppyearedlab · 10/09/2026 14:42

ccd90 · 09/09/2026 17:23

I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you to everyone.

I’ve spent the whole night awake, I even made a list of positives and negatives.

There was one thing on my pro list which was “a new baby” but there was 11 things on my negative list including having to buy a new car and the strain on my mental health.

I have decided that yesterday was a fleeting feeling of seeing a scan and immediately reverting back to how I felt with DD & DS, they were planned and longed for. As cruel as it sounds, there is a reason I had the coil, we didn’t want another child.

My DH does bear the financial burden and it is a strain running a business and supporting a family. He isn’t the man so many people have suggested he is, he’s not cruel to me or controlling. He is as panicked about this as I am.

I’ve decided what it comes down to is the long term, I want to be the healthiest I can be for my children who are here because they deserve that. I also want a marriage that isn’t strained to the point of no return so I am going ahead tomorrow.

DH dropped the forms off at the drs at lunch and has an appointment for the end of the month for a vasectomy.

Thank you again and it has really helped me.

Edited

Well done OP and best of luck to all of you.

Scorchio84 · 10/09/2026 14:41

All the best @ccd90 it was a very tough decision but at least you came to it yourself & it does sound like the right one now for your family 💐

Piknik · 10/09/2026 13:41

Upthread I advised you not to abort. That was based on what you have now identified as a fleeting feeling. I think you have handled this with great care, compassion and maturity and am also sending a handhold for today.

ThreadGuardDog · 10/09/2026 13:32

FWIW OP, on reading your latest update I think you’ve done the right thing for yourself and for your family. Sending a virtual hand hold for today and hoping you’re OK. ❤️

Swiftie1878 · 10/09/2026 09:09

ccd90 · 09/09/2026 17:23

I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you to everyone.

I’ve spent the whole night awake, I even made a list of positives and negatives.

There was one thing on my pro list which was “a new baby” but there was 11 things on my negative list including having to buy a new car and the strain on my mental health.

I have decided that yesterday was a fleeting feeling of seeing a scan and immediately reverting back to how I felt with DD & DS, they were planned and longed for. As cruel as it sounds, there is a reason I had the coil, we didn’t want another child.

My DH does bear the financial burden and it is a strain running a business and supporting a family. He isn’t the man so many people have suggested he is, he’s not cruel to me or controlling. He is as panicked about this as I am.

I’ve decided what it comes down to is the long term, I want to be the healthiest I can be for my children who are here because they deserve that. I also want a marriage that isn’t strained to the point of no return so I am going ahead tomorrow.

DH dropped the forms off at the drs at lunch and has an appointment for the end of the month for a vasectomy.

Thank you again and it has really helped me.

Edited

Sending hugs for today. 🩵

Fortheloveoffrogs · 10/09/2026 09:03

ccd90 · 09/09/2026 17:23

I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you to everyone.

I’ve spent the whole night awake, I even made a list of positives and negatives.

There was one thing on my pro list which was “a new baby” but there was 11 things on my negative list including having to buy a new car and the strain on my mental health.

I have decided that yesterday was a fleeting feeling of seeing a scan and immediately reverting back to how I felt with DD & DS, they were planned and longed for. As cruel as it sounds, there is a reason I had the coil, we didn’t want another child.

My DH does bear the financial burden and it is a strain running a business and supporting a family. He isn’t the man so many people have suggested he is, he’s not cruel to me or controlling. He is as panicked about this as I am.

I’ve decided what it comes down to is the long term, I want to be the healthiest I can be for my children who are here because they deserve that. I also want a marriage that isn’t strained to the point of no return so I am going ahead tomorrow.

DH dropped the forms off at the drs at lunch and has an appointment for the end of the month for a vasectomy.

Thank you again and it has really helped me.

Edited

Oh well done OP. I’m so glad you have come to your own decisions and for your own reasons. And for the children.

It’s not going to be an easy path but you will get through it and you are doing it for the right reasons. Good luck and take extra good care of yourself. Let your H know that you’ll need him around more while you recover physically and emotionally. Don’t underestimate the hormonal shifts. Expect an emotional rollercoaster and anything less is a bonus.

bafta16 · 10/09/2026 08:29

It's a very harsh world for anybody with wobbly MH. Hope you get the right support.

Pipsquiggle · 10/09/2026 05:59

Well done on making this difficult decision

Livpool · 09/09/2026 21:50

ccd90 · 09/09/2026 17:23

I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you to everyone.

I’ve spent the whole night awake, I even made a list of positives and negatives.

There was one thing on my pro list which was “a new baby” but there was 11 things on my negative list including having to buy a new car and the strain on my mental health.

I have decided that yesterday was a fleeting feeling of seeing a scan and immediately reverting back to how I felt with DD & DS, they were planned and longed for. As cruel as it sounds, there is a reason I had the coil, we didn’t want another child.

My DH does bear the financial burden and it is a strain running a business and supporting a family. He isn’t the man so many people have suggested he is, he’s not cruel to me or controlling. He is as panicked about this as I am.

I’ve decided what it comes down to is the long term, I want to be the healthiest I can be for my children who are here because they deserve that. I also want a marriage that isn’t strained to the point of no return so I am going ahead tomorrow.

DH dropped the forms off at the drs at lunch and has an appointment for the end of the month for a vasectomy.

Thank you again and it has really helped me.

Edited

I think you have made the right decision OP. Please be kind to yourself.

Gengha · 09/09/2026 21:48

Be kind to yourself OP. Much love

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/09/2026 21:22

I’m glad for you both that you have come to a decision right for you and your family

I hope tomorrow isn’t too hard 💐

and I also think you have made the right decision - for your own mental health and for your 2 young children

ThreadGuardDog · 09/09/2026 20:02

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 16:00

For me its because if he was 100% sure that he didnt want any more kids then he could have made sure by having the vasectomy. He didn't and now expects @ccd90 to go through a medical procedure to end the pregnancy when she doesnt want to. That he is being an arse to her when he had the means to prevent this right there, he had the forms in the house for crying out loud, show he is a selfish arsehole.

Show quote history

If he had put the forms in when he intended he would still have had to wait for an appointment for the procedure. Then they would still have had to use contraception for at least the first three months to ensure that no live sperm are left. So, no. He isn’t an arse. And he didn’t have the means to prevent this unless both he and OP didn’t intend to have sex for at least three months, and that doesn’t seem to be the case. So your assertion that he’s a selfish arsehole doesn’t stand up - not least because he’s the one who would have had to support the whole family had OP gone ahead with the pregnancy, and clearly he knew the business wouldn’t support them all. MN really does lose it’s collective mind sometimes.

Ponderingwindow · 09/09/2026 19:43

I’m glad to see that you are working through this decision and your husband is being proactive.