DH wants to abort, I don’t

Of course you feel this way, OP. You’re not a robot. You made a difficult decision and the event itself was humiliating and traumatic. Give yourself some grace.

What’s vile is the DH doing a sum total of absolutely nothing to prevent pregnancy, then pressuring OP into having an invasive medical procedure she was conflicted about, and then acting like a victim and wanting sympathy himself.
But it’s done now, so really all they can do as a couple is move forward, with him actually taking responsibility for his actions from now on, and getting couples’ counselling to try to work through any negative feelings. Hopefully they can put it behind them soon, and look back and genuinely feel like it was the best decision for their family.

Vile

really vile.

OP knew he hadn’t had the vasectomy and still had sex with him. They both have agency yo decide these things.

The Poor Op has had enough to deal with the last few days without people like you making things worse

As hard as it’s been I think ye have been incredibly brave and done the right thing.

Mind yourselves, enjoy your children and move forward one step at a time. As cliche as it sounds if you continue to look back you’ll miss what’s happening now.

I think what you’re feeling right now is totally normal given the circumstances, please do not be hard on yourself or ashamed❤️

Your body has gone through a huge hormonal drop and change. You will definitely not be alone with how you are feeling. Visit the “pregnancy choices” board where there will be women who have gone through the same.

You made a very tough decision, which wasn’t taken lightly, and you did it for the emotional and financial welfare of yourself, your husband and your 2 children.

It is all very fresh and raw, so please access some counselling or therapy offered via the clinic you went to.

If a baby came it would've been loved and well cared for. But your wee children sleeping in the house now would have less. Less financial stability, parents spread more thinly and less time for each of them, a less stable home environment. Yous made a very hard choice but a very brave one that seems to be based on the love yous have for the family that exists in the here and now rather than an idealised one that might not have existed. You and your husband both deserve to be kind to yourselves and each other.

I'm so sorry, OP. This is why men shouldn't even get a vote on whether or not a woman aborts – the pressure he put on you and the negativity he expressed pushed you towards it, despite you feeling conflicted. He's a bastard for that.

But it's done now, and you both felt you were doing the right thing, and it was potentially the right thing (there is no objective right or wrong in this situation). All you can do is move forward, and focus on all the positives of not having another baby, of which there are many. Right now you're feeling a roller coaster of emotion, in part thanks to hormones, and in another week I'm sure things will settle and you'll start to feel much better. Give yourself a few days to feel sad and grieve what might have been, but don't dwell on it too much – focus on all the good things you have, and all the positives in the situation. You’ll get through this

OP, I just wanted to add that 2 things can be true at the same time.

You can be right in your decision to have an abortion and also be incredibly sad at your loss. Being very upset and grieving doesn’t mean that you have made a mistake or done anything wrong 💐

Oh sweetheart.

I have been there and I remember the feeling well. It will pass.

Your hormones have been ramping up over the last few weeks and are now crashing down. You havent made the wrong decision, you did what you felt was right at the time, but your body needs time to catch up. The clinic you attended will have counselling available if you feel that you need help to come to terms with it.

Take care my love xx

@MN Please can an edit be added to the OP so that people dont post unhelpful replies, given the OP's updates?!

delete this asap

@caringcarer You need to read all the OP's posts, and preferably delete your comment stat.

Go back to your list.

You having a big heart, loving your children and remembering your earlier pregnancies with fondness and nostalgia doesn't change the list.

You said multiple times that it was best for your existing DC. Think about what you have done for them. You made a fucking hard decision for ALL the right reasons.

The emotions are completely valid and you should allow yourself to feel them, but everything is raw and need time.

Oh my love. You are raw and both emotional - completely understandable.

You made a difficult choice after carefully weighing up the options. It felt like the right choice this morning and it will again. You just need time.

There were already problems with this pregnancy at a very early stage. There is no knowing how it would have turned out.

Please please please get some counselling next week. You can get through this. ❤️

And please be kind to yourselves. ❤️

😡

I reported that post but MNHQ are ok with letting it stand because "it has been challenged". Because that will apparently make it ok for the OP to read today.

I’m sorry you’re going through all that it sounds horrific. Glad your DH is taking care of you.

Read the fucking room.

Coils are not 100% reliable, that's well known, and her DH procrastinated getting a vasectomy cause he couldn't be arsed handing the forms in and just left contraception to the woman to deal with. He was also the one who pressured for this procedure that this poor woman has had to endure. He's 100% at fault here.

If you're going to bother writing such a long reply at least read the OP's updates first 🙄