Was I in the wrong or was DSis being a bridezilla?

I’m far from a prude, but having that conversation at a wedding event within earshot of the bride’s family was inappropriate. It was also a dinner. You wouldn’t discuss something like that loudly in a restaurant where anyone could hear.

This was an extension of her wedding, which I imagine she had spent a significant amount of money arranging abroad as part of a three-day celebration. There would also have been plenty of other opportunities across those events for your sister’s friends to sit together and have those conversations privately.
I’m assuming you followed her to the bathroom because you were trying not to embarrass her or draw further attention to what she had been saying.

I would clarify whether your sister understands the full extent of the conversation. If she does, I’d simply apologise and explain that you intervened with her and her wedding in mind, even if she feels you handled it wrongly. If she doesn’t know exactly what was said, then she needs to have a conversation with her friend before judging your actions.

Jesus. Trust me 80 year olds will know what anal sex is. They had it too. The phrase ‘going down on someone’ is also nothing new. My friends would have said this back in the sixties.

So who did the bridesmaid get jiggy with at the reception ?

I agree.
But it does depend on the aged relatives in question. And how loudly the Bridesmaid was saying it.

Some people's relatives that I know would have clutched their pearls in utter horror, taken great personal offence and thought it was a reflection on your sister's character and people would never hear the end of it.
Others would have ignored it and carried on with their own conversations.

Im guessing @Weddingdrama26 As you know your older rels, you were worried that it would offend them. If that's the case, it seems your sister cares more about the feelings of her bridesmaid, that she does about you or her older relatives.

But frankly, it really is much ado about nothing. Utterly trivial in the scheme of things.
if the bridesmaid is informal enough to not care who hears what she has to say.. I'm really surprised that she and your sister have taken your request so personally and been insulted by it. Surely your sister has more important things to think about? Everybody made the effort to attend her destination wedding and celebrate with her.

I think they are both enjoying getting worked up about the drama.. neither your comments nor the bridesmaids can be undone now, so what does it matter. It's not the crime of the century to tell her it was inappropriate.

If they want to be offended let them. Shrug your shoulders and ignore the drama

I don’t know.

I feel like people should have a level of respect for their elders and it’s ok to remind someone if they forget this.

Well yes, its not the OPs place to police conversations unless someone specifically asked her to step in and say something.
Secondly, who said she was talking about the bride? Th OP hasn't specified that, that i can see, i presumed the lady was discussing her own experience.

Where are people getting that it was the bride’s sexual history rather than the bridesmaid’s own? I can’t see that stated anywhere.

How was the atmosphere between you and the friend afterwards? I think like loads of things it depends how it's done. 'Sorry Jane I know we're all having a laugh but I'm not sure if you knew that grandad and granny can hear all your sex stories, they're quote old fashioned and I wouldn't want to make them uncomfortable so would you mind waiting til they've gone to bed to discuss those topics', is fine in mu opinion. Sometimes drunk people need to be reminded they're over sharing or how loud they are, particularly if they're not the same when they're sober - you could have actually been saving her from embarrassment (though from the detail of her storeya its unlikely). If you told her to shut up because she was ruining the evening or said anything judgey about the topics then I can see why she might be upset.

It sounds like your sister is over reacting to one comment though, unless the friend has fallen out with her over it

You see I would go out of my way to hear more!

I would find it very offensive if someone policed what I was talking about. She wasn’t at work, at school, or in a restaurant, she was a bridesmaid at a wedding she probably had to spend an arm in a leg on. I would have told you to keep your beak out.

You embarrassed her and your sister is annoyed that you’re bollocking her friends.

I think you’re being unreasonable. She wasn’t your child, like someone else said, who put you in charge?

I think it depends on how you did it to be honest. A jokey reign it in a bit in front of elders is different to a lecture.

I think following her to the bathroom was a bit much, better to have caught her "in passing" seeing as the TMI opportunity had gone.

But I think the friend was incredibly immature to go whining to the bride who should have been enjoying her wedding.
It does seem as if the friend thinks everything is about her.

Op I am in minority here but I think friend was more offensive / unkind to bride than you were. But your sister has taken an offence, so now you have learnt a lesson than intentions don’t matter.

Next time be a neutral party and don’t say anything unless it’s about you.

Yanbu

A lot of people wouldn’t want to hear about the bride’s sexual exploits at dinner time.

I’m not old, and I don’t want to hear about my relatives’ anal and oral sex history whilst I’m having my meal thanks. Regardless of whether I’m drinking alcohol or not!

It’s different if it’s a group of friends out on the razz for a Hen do.

Were you unreasonable to ask people to tone it down? I don’t think so. It’s not an especially lovely topic of conversation for a shared meal. I wouldn’t want to hear about her piles and her STIs over dinner either. Or her misshapen labia. Or her vomiting after getting drunk. Or anything gross or private!

Equally I wouldn’t expect someone to start bashing benefit claimants or disparaging religion or a whole host of other things at dinner.

I think it’s just courtesy and if someone is being potentially offensive then they should expect to be told to shut up. I think the way you did it was fine. Next time, I’d probably just say to the whole table “honestly I don’t want to hear about your sexual history at dinner. Can you keep that conversation for later please?” And have done.

So very classy🤔.

So OP’s behaviour was worse than uncouth friends’? Is it normal to gossip about bride’s sexual history in wedding related functions?

I'm old, I'd have raised an eyebrow and chatted to my neighbour.

Mind you, I'm on here quite a bit, so I've heard it all and then some. Us old'uns are used to turning a deaf ear when needed.

Ok maybe op was wrong to interfere ( even though it was bitchy of ‘friend’ to bring up bride’s sexual history and how wild she was)but for so called friend/ bridesmaid to go complain to bride a few days before her wedding like a child is also not okay.

You think anyone over 50 doesn’t get this? Ever heard of the 60s and free love? People who were 18 in 1960 are in their 80s! Your generation didn’t invent sex. Or name the acts.
Honestly, the topic wasn’t dinner appropriate but the infantilising of the over 60s on this thread is far more shocking!

Kinda cringing for you OP. Whilst it may not have been the time and place for that conversation, I can't believe you would follow a grown adult into the restroom to tell her off.

I don't understand why you brought age into this? Older people will have had more sex and probably wilder sex than you will ever have, I'm not sure why their ears need protecting like they are children? If you'd just said "there was inappropriate chat at a dinner table, so I told someone to stop", I mean I'd think who made you the self appointed person to police others conversations, but it's weird you think that old people somehow need protecting!! They could quite easily speak up themselves if it was offending them besides!

This is every bit as ageist as the OP ‘protecting’ them. Why do you think it’s the most exciting thing in their lives? It’s a bit boring really. Old people had sex or you wouldn’t be here!
@Weddingdrama26 if the old people didn’t like it, they are capable of saying so. Don't infantilise.

How did you approach it with the speaker?

Because I think there's a massive difference between

"You need to stop the sex talk, it's inappropriate"

And

"Hey, just a heads up, some of the family are bit more sensitive and will feel uncomfortable with your talk about sex. Just wanted to give you a warning in case someone takes offence."

😂😂😂
love this thread

That is what I’d classify as inappropriate talk for a public setting, however I think you are U for policing other people that are nothing to do with you. If anyone was offended they could say. If you were offended you could say. But policing the conversation in case others are offended isn’t your job.

If YOU didnt want to hear it, then you could have leaned in and said 'just wanted to let you know we can hear you so you might want to turn it down a bit if you're going in deep!' In a jokey/friendly way.

But the idea that elderly people need you to rush in and police saucy topics of conversation is HILARIOUS.
If they were bothered, they could have said something themselves! Treating elderly people like they are small children who cant fend for themselves is really weird of you!