Husband issues

Are people really this cool with porn use? I wouldn't like my kid sharing a house with a man who has a self confessed kink he satisfies online. Who even has time for this in the midst of young kids? I mean, yuck.

I was under the impression you posted because you were trying to grapple with your feelings about him using Only Fans and how to talk to him about it, but apologies if I misunderstood, I'm not trying to blame you for any of this.

Obviously hes entitled to some privacy, but if its to the extent that it leaves you feeling like he doesn't see you as an equal, then I'd suggest that goes far beyond normal levels. What otherthings does he keep from you? Do you think he respects you?

Are you really happy to be in a relationship with a man who doesn't see you as an equal, but as something lesser? I cant understand accepting that, you dont even seem to see it as a big deal. Its very hard to respect someone you see as below you, and personally I dont think you can truly love a partner you dont respect.

Well OP , they’re not even funny 🙄.

There is a difference between sex and porn to porn instead of sex with you

Honestly though bet he gets his knickers if you made triffle for desert

Just don't order Tiramisu

Sorry just seen what it is.

Well, pimp him out at the school fayre where people can throw food at him. Or dump him because its ridiculous. Christ, I'd worry every time I dripped a bit of food down me he'd get the horn

You're fine with OF but wondering why you feel second-fiddle? Yikes. The culprit might be closer than you think. Women against OF aren't just prudes, unsurprisingly being ok with your husband seeking sexual outlet elsewhere will lead to distance between you and unhealthy habits. Surely you know this..

I once met a woman who was into this big time. Her thing was squatting over cakes.

I suppose it’s harmless enough and would make watching bake off a bit different.

Yeah good point about him probably not checking! And I did wonder if that was the case now, that's a shame. Thanks for taking the time to educate me 😊

“I’ll be up to bed soon love, I’m just going to pay my monthly subscription then have a wank over this lass 20 years younger than you covering herself in trifle”

You need a reality check

@hifriend Some OF creators are paid directly, but increasingly a large number end up effectively being pimped online. 'Managers' promise to support them with content creation and reaching a wider audience etc but then get them to sign contracts which cede control of money and content and impose demanding work schedules. They also trade them online. So whilst there arguably was once a lot more agency involved in OF, this is by no means always the case for a lot of (mainly) women that end up producing this kind of material and get sucked into more and more explicit material/contact. I doubt OP's husband is going out of his way to check the levels of free will women producing the content he watches are able to exercise.

Interesting, I prefer the idea of OF because I assume the creators are getting paid directly? The ethics of other porn bother me, but I don't use porn or OF so I don't know enough about it!

Not saying he is in the wrong but I think it would bother me too, OP. I would worry about not being enough. I do worry about this actually without the complication of the kink though so maybe it is more about your own confidence. And I'm not offended by my partner masturbating although maybe because I have a lower sex drive. But maybe the thing that makes the kink exciting is the taboo nature? It might lose its charm if he gets to do it with you and then it'll just be something else?

I do think we can sometimes have unreasonable expectations of both ourselves and our partners to be able to fulfil every need in a single person. So maybe you won't ever scratch that particular itch, but he's obviously happy with you anyway. And maybe think about the needs you have (not necessarily sexual) that he doesn’t meet, and reflect on if that really impacts how you feel about him? And if it doesn't, can you apply that to how he probably feels about you? Eg I'd love to share books with my partner but it's not an interest of his. Similarly, don't you ever feel too tired to engage with your partner but do something else instead? (Mine is scrolling mumsnet >.<)

It sounds like something it might be helpful to explore in counselling, on your own or together.

I'm sorry for some of the answers you're getting here, OP. I think people forget that this is someone's life and not entertainment.

All I can advise as an older woman married for many years is that if you don't address issues, they fester and they grow.... they don't go away. If something is making you unhappy, you need to look it in the eye and address it.

Sometimes I wonder if these type of men even like women at all? Some seem to just get married and have a child just because it's expected and they want someone to cook and clean up after them

Sorry! Was fun to guess. Does sound harmless, but also I don't get how it is remotely sexy. Could you talk about it, as a halfway house maybe?

Yep, feet or ASMR.

I've never thought of myself as cool, although I imagine you're being ironic 🤔

Thing is.....I wouldn't want sex with custard/trifle on me. If he's just watching.....what's the bother?

I guess if it's actually detracting from @ygrittesnow5's sex life......its less acceptable

Therapy might well help