To find it surprising that parenting alone is easier?

I feel the same OP. Cleaner house.

I also enjoy going to bed earlier, sleeping better.

The kids seem more independent - instead of shouting out for whatever they want, they organise themselves.

I don’t know whether I organise my own time better or whether DH creates more work.

I think that's normal. When dh is away I'm way more organised, and I know there's no back up so I plan accordingly. I'm also 100% on it instead of expecting him to pick up slack. I don't need to communicate. I get more me time etc. but long term it would be awful. I'd be lonely for him, the kids would be lonely, the cracks in my organisation would start to appear. It's easy to go solo when you've an end date.

Obviously if the OP (or anyone) found herself suddenly a full time solo parent - maybe involving a change in finances or accommodation or childcare options - that might be initially considerably less relaxed than this current instance.

Depends on the bloke. My ex, life was so much easier anytime he was gone. And when I left him, to live in a flat on benefits life got so much easier.

DH, life is souch harder without him. The kids are calmer when he's here, I'm calmer when he's here. The bloke might annoy me sometimes but he's the peace in this house

ExDH left when DC were 4 and 5, financially it was a huge struggle, but it was so peaceful! As others have said no compromising or having to cope with the needs of another adult
He wasn’t even a waste of space and did help with cooking, DIY, shopping, laundry etc, but could be moody and his hobbies took up family time, constant watching sport on tv or mates round to watch sport
I loved my own space, being the sole decision maker and the freedom to not always have to bother cooking etc, some nights we would quite happily have a quick pasta dish or soup n crusty bread
He would play Disney dad twice a month which allowed me some free time
Perhaps my glasses are rose tinted as they are both grown up now and we are very close

I find it easier as well @Conversationalcheddar , you’re not alone. And while it is true that after a long time ir wears off, a lot of that is logistics.

I do sometimes wonder if we’re supposed to do it with one our hunting or something and the other in established matriarchal herds, like elephants or something!

I think it's pretty normal, not "worrying" at all. Fewer people and not having authority split, just makes for a calmer household. When DH is home, it's "fun time".

My dh went away for 10 days i also found it way calmer and easier than expected...

I dont know if it would be the same long term

I get this to the point I actively make DH go away when kids are misbehaving. He's a soft touch, I'm not.

It is possible that the 4 year old is being extra good because she knows this week is different. And will be v badly behaved the minute DH gets back to “test” if he is going to stay. If this happens, don’t blame him or her. Just keep everyone calm and get life back to normal asap. (This is what my kids did around one parent travelling)

I get this. My DH is a great husband, and a truly fantastic father. If he actually ever left us our lives would fall apart. BUT when he is away occasionally for a few days for work I do really enjoy the different dynamics of our house. Not having to compromise or factor in another persons wishes is rather nice in the short term. It would be awful in the long term.

For me, it stayed easier for the rest of my DCs childhoods when the OH left - no more discussion/cajoling to try to get him to be involved with the kids, do some washing, anything - I just got organised and did it all, and lost all the feelings of unfairness! And people think you're doing amazingly and are impressed too 😀.

But your situation sounds less clear cut OP, so worth working out whats going wrong with the dynamic.

Calmer is probably inevitable as there’s less available friction with fewer main characters in the house. But happier and more relaxed? That’s not good. Actually happier, @Conversationalcheddar?

It's easier because you aren't having to compromise.

I was a lone parent for most of my kids lives; their dad wasn't a regular for their younger years and he was non-existent for the latter years. Unlike the PP with the slightly passive aggressive suggestion that the ease wears off....I did find it easier, for the whole time.

No compromising. My rules, my decisions.
Clear cut boundaries and no opportunity for the kids to play us off against each other.
No sharing of Christmases or special occasions.
No negative influences from their 'bad-egg' father.

Was it easy? No.
Would he have made it more difficult? Absolutely.

Mine is not a comparable situation to you because it sounds like you chose to have kids with a good guy. But yeah, men are quite often just another child to be managed in a household.

I would say this is a very worrying sign. Try to work out WHY it is so much better. When he returns you need to share this revelation with him and ask for some changes to be implemented. In the long term it will be hard to stay together if being alone is so much easier for you.

A week is easy... try 7 years!