To find it surprising that parenting alone is easier?

I had a similar experience to a pp. My ex was difficult so when he was away it was blissful. My partner was completely the opposite. He radiated calm, if he was away he was really missed.

I’m sure the OP is aware of that.

A week is nothing. And it’s a one off

when it is day after day , week after week. Month after month. Year after year

when you or kids are ill an extra pair of hands is always handy

yes prob peaceful as only you and your boundaries , tidying up after yourself etc

I am sure the novelty would wear off if he said he was never coming home and never contributing again to yours or the kids lives and you having to go out and work a full time job on top of every other thing that comes with parenting and running a house is all on you. Also when you have nobody for mental nor emotional support let alone financial - and good look having a social life ;)
Aside from that it is easier.

When my husband works away I feel more ‘on it’ I know I have to do it all myself so I just get on with it instead of expecting another person to help. I must say things stay cleaner and tidier though!

My husband goes away for a week or so at a time and I look forward to it.

I'm the only source of authority, my decision is final and I don't have to compromise.

I don't have to worry about his work lunches and therefore can cook dinners that don't need to be supersized. I can just do things off the cuff.

I can really indulge in the little things he doesn't really care about, like watching a film with the kids with popcorn and hot chocolates!

There's a lot less laundry and sweaty gym kit to wash.

But by the end of the week I'm very ready for him to come home because that feeling of 'nothing is going to get done unless I do it' creeps in and I quite like having the kitchen magically cleaned and dishwasher done by the time I come out of doing bedtime etc. He's also a great Dad and husband and I miss him.

Still look forward to those weeks though!

I found life much easier as a single parent as it was just me and DS.
My exH did absolutely nothing and made tons of work for me.
He was slso aggressive and nasty and upset everyone.
He lost custody as a result.
In a normal loving marriage its often perfectly acceptable to enjoy a week off without your partner.

I parented on my own from birth to 18+. working full time. I looked at couples and thought 'I'm glad i dont have that to contend with that as well '.

I’ve been there and done that all already.

Of course it’s difficult in some ways but if we all had lots of money, a chef, cleaner, personal assistant etc then it would be pretty easy because the basics of parenting is pretty easy.

Imagine sitting on their bed for hours helping them navigate friendship issues and school as a single parent - on top you are having to work FT, worry about bills, do all of the housework, cooking, gardening, life admin etc

That’s what I mean.

A few days parenting on your own is easy because it’s the combination of everything else that makes being a single parent so challenging.

Many of my friends who have gotten divorced agree that it's easier to be a single parent. No compromises and nobody challenging your decisions - whatever you say goes. No man to clean up after - you would think it's harder, but women's housework time actually drops after divorce. And even if the husband was of the 'oh but I will help if you make me a list' kind - they were still responsible for making another adult do their share - delegation, reminding, negotiation etc.

Exactly the same here. DH away 48 hours every week. I really enjoy the different dynamic and it does feel easier.

I think largely it’s also down to expectations. You don’t have expectations for anyone else to; wash the school bottles, put the dishwasher on, run the bath etc… it’s all on you, and there’s not someone else around to disappoint you when they don’t think on their feet and do stuff

I don’t have any. It was a genuine question, not being critical in the slightest, it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job. But as much as things can happen in the teenage years it doesn’t mean they will.

How many teens do you have?

Do you think that’s every single child and every single family, or might that only apply to some?

I am not meaning that to sound dismissive in case that’s how it comes across, it sounds really hard, but broadly speaking I don’t think you can say this will happen. It may, but it may not.

I get this. I have set plans in my head about how the day will go with timings. Then in comes DH offering an extra bedtime story. Great. But I wanted lights out at 8 and now it's 9.30 and everyone is tired and I haven't had a break.

We alsonm differ on screen time. I say none at all during the week, he would quite happily spend 4 hours a night playing video games with DC. So it often feels like I am constantly negotiating with him and DC.

The actual looking after the kids is the easy bit
Its doing that on top of everything else on top that’s the tricky part

You must be joking!
Wait until they are older and the emotional pile on means you are sitting on their bed for hours every week trying to help them navigate friendship issues and school.

Is the daughter tantrumming to do with needing to battle for attention? Whereas now she knows she has your attention, so can be calm?

I'd add to my above that both DH and I find the same when the other is away. I've also had this conversation with parents of both sexes who have similar experiences.

I’m the one who travels, but although the day to day logistics are a little harder for DH (pick ups and drop offs are tricky with his work) I know he generally manages pretty well and I think would generally agree. I think it’s the freedom of being able to completely organise things and not having input discussions with other parties. I know when DH is out doing sport or other activities I also generally find it easier to just crack on.

In many ways it can be easier, as others have said it's clearer to you and the children what roles and boundaries are etc.

I find that towards the end of a week though I start to feel quite worn out. No breaks, cooking every meal, no adult conversation etc. I also find the day-to-day is easy enough but if anything 'extra' comes up (like car issues, vet appts, broken appliances) it can push things into overwhelming far more quickly than when we're both around.

When our 5 were small, DH worked away in the week - I had to be very organised getting them all to school with a new baby but to be honest, in a lot of ways it's easier when you're the only one in charge! You just make the decisions, no discussions and get on with it! DH is definitely more messy, more disorganised and is a procrastinator so everything takes longer when it's the two of us! He is a great provider and he did muck in with bath and bedtime when he was home but I did often find it easier in the week when you have a schedule and everything runs like clockwork!

Wait till they become teenagers...

Parenting in itself is pretty easy.

Its the cooking, cleaning, mowing the lawn, DIY, working, getting them to school/childcare, thinking about what they need for school, applying for places, vaccination dates etc, then the financial side of paying the bills and the mental side of having to sort out the car insurance, best energy provider etc etc

The list is endless.

If there are 2 of you then these things are halved and so things are easier.

There are still 2 of you, just 1 is away for a few nights.

Maybe this is a reflection of your marriage but tbh I’d be shocked if you didn’t find it easy.

I hate when an OP is going away for a couple of nights and has to get their MIL to stay over to help the DH with his own kids.

It makes me laugh when Kim K says it’s hard because she’s a single parent with 4 kids - she’s a millionaire with a nanny, chef, cleaner, make up artist, personal assistant etc etc

The actual looking after the kids is the easy bit.
Its doing that on top of everything else on top that’s the tricky part.

I think it's generally quieter with one fewer people. But not necessarily happier. I agree with PP I think you need to work out why you feel like this, when he is around what's causing your daughter to tantrum, why is the house more messy when there is another adult to tidy. It might be something simple like you need to divide and conquer tasks separately rather than both be involved

I find it easier. I just cook What I want whereas my DH will say ‘I don’t fancy that’. We don’t clash over plans, screen time etc. but I will also caveat we are likely to separate soon.. mostly as he spends too much time at his hobby. So im basically solo a lot of the time anyway