To find it surprising that parenting alone is easier?

I hate to say it but if parenting is easier without the other parent it's because you reproduced with a loser

I've just taken my son away for the weekend and came home to a spotless house. DH did the same recently.

When there's just you and the kids, you are the authority, you set the pace for the day, you can just tell a child what you're doing - I have to agree with my husband about where we have lunch, not just "we're going to the cafe, you can have the jacket potato or the sandwich".

I don't have to agree who is having a shower first or wait for him to finish brushing his teeth - I just do it all at the same time as my son.

My husband is a good dad who pulls his weight - but this evening he was asking me a question whilst the cat was miaowing and my son was asking why water is wet.

In the short term, it's nice to make all the decisions, and it's nice to not have to try to accommodate a whole extra set of needs.

I can imagine it's a lot harder when you never have the time to prioritise your needs only.

F

Since my divorce Life is so much easier and relaxing becos I no longer have an extra child to look after (my ex husband). He didnt do anything for the home and I spent a lot of my time tidying up his mess or pandering to his needs.

I have 4 children.

Like someone else said, its worrying that you find things easier without him there and you need to try to think why exactly. Becos having a partner should make life easier not harder.

I have been divorced 5 years and I will never marry or live with another man again, I know this becos I am enjoying my life too much on my own to ever have someone living with me again.

It’s because you’re fully focused on the kids. If DH were there you would talk to him (completely unreasonable). Your 4 year old has 50% of your attention not 33%. Plus As your DH is an engaged parent he will have opinions on things, unintentionally adding to friction. But I hope the good behaviour lasts.

It really is easier being a single mum than married to a guy who poos in your toilet and pesters you for sex imo

But - you need a support system - friends, babysitters, family, money

If youve got that - youre golden

by day 3 though, i really want him back as i get a bit lonely!

totally! i love my dh and the kids think he's great but yes - it's easier, calmer and cleaner without him! i think it's because you aren't subconsciously (or consciously) compromising for someone else. you go to bed when suits, you watch what you want, you focus completely on the dc. like when dh is around, i'll be thing what does he want for dinner, what shall we watch tonight, and ill lose track of time sitting chatting to him about stuff till 1130 rather than prioritising my sleep etc!

Normal for us too. When I travel for work, DCs are both good as gold for DH, and DD (4) tends to 'mother' her brother. I think they feel like they have pull together as the situation is unusual.

Equally, I have more annual leave than DH, so often have the kids by myself and even big days out feel easier than when it's 4 of us. Really weird!

Same here - it's definitely a thing. I think it's because you just know you have to handle everything so you crack on. But I find I eventually start to burn out if it goes on too long.

No im the same, im a lone parent and its not easy at all

I could have written this post as find exactly the same thing if DH away for a week! I think as no-one else is available you dont have that expectation of help when another adult is there and just power through your own way. Also yes the kids seem to behave better as no other adult to play up to. I just look forward to having completely my own time in an evening when they've gone to bed for a few nights!!

My husband used to work away for two solid weeks at a time, then home for two weeks. It was calmer in many ways when he was away. HOWEVER, all bets are off if you or one of the kids gets quite ill. Then it is a total vulnerable shit show and you will be begging for his presence.

It’s definitely a thing though. My friend had to take her two teenage children to a weekend event that they go to every year. Husband couldn’t go. She said even though she technically had to do more it was more relaxed, easier and way less angst than when her husband goes.

It’s easier because you don’t have to align with anyone and the kids have your full attention. Mine used to act up when my husband and I talked, they wanted my attention.

I think it’s simply down to less mess an additional adult creates.

I am on top of the washing etc when DH goes away. He says the same thing about me going away.

I do miss my cup of tea in bed every morning when DH travels. I’m like the walking dead until I have had caffeine and he bring me a cup every morning. Otherwise yes it’s always plain sailing and less mess - applicable to whoever is home/away.

Because you only have to think of yourself and your kids.

My life is infinitely harder being a single parent to a young child. That's because it' a long term thing for me though, not just a few days. I would love to know that the entire mental load isn't on me forever.

I was a single parent for 5 years, I found it so much easier! Everything is your way, there’s no mixed messages to the kids, no playing one parent off against the other, you get your own routines etc. Much easier imo.

Dh is away a lot. I find it easier as its just solely me responsible for everything, which means I just know that it needs doing. The kids also know he's not around and seem to try harder. I think when he's back we all breathe out a bit, and I find it leaves me quire tired/exhausted. I think it's a bit like when you're on a tricky project, you throw yourself in and focus hard on getting it done, in a way that means it's getting a lot of energy and focus. Once you stop, pause and breathe out then you kind of feel drained. Like how you get a cold on the first day of the holidays!
I know being an actual single parent for a permanent time is much harder and much more overwhelming. Nobody ever takes over and I have the upmost respect for anyone doing it!!
Dh finds the same when I'm not around (he does forget things more than I do though, which also makes it easier as nobody goes to clubs/hobbies/playdates!)

I’m the same as you. I find it so much harder with DH away. I have to do all the chores, all the bedtimes, I can’t do my hobby stuff. I’m counting down till he walks back in the door!

I definitely find this! My DH is’t away often but when he is things definitely run more smoothly. I know everything is my responsibility so I am much more organised. No expecting him to have started dinner because he was home a bit earlier than me, then coming home to find he’s started a completely unrelated job and hasn’t even thought about dinner. I know I’m cooking and tidying up and just get on with it.

I can get into bed early and chill out and watch tv (he usually goes to bed quite early so I never really get the chance otherwise)

I know it would be a different story if he was away all the time, but he’s away for a rare long weekend this weekend and I must say I am looking forward to it!!

I might be the only person who has a different view! Im currently solo parenting with 15 month old and 5 year old. Im finding it much harder, my 15 month old has been unwell and ive barely had any sleep.
I also find it hard as we usually share bedtime and trying to juggle both with an ill baby is not fun!
We also split the chores so I find I have lots more to do once the kids are asleep and have very little time for myself!

I found parenting with my Husband (now ex) very difficult. I think I was more frustrated with how little he did. Then he went to work overseas and I was really quite scared about how I was going to cope with 2 children aged 3&4! I pulled up my big girl pants, created a solid routine and shit just gone done. We were all happier, I didn’t spend time trying to get him to do family things with us at the weekend-we just did what we felt like doing. The house was cleaner, I could eat what I wanted, I wasn’t having to juggle things to fit around him.. if fact he came home 3 months later and realised that our well oiled machine was a very happy one. He went back overseas and continued to work and cheat and then it ended obviously. I’ve been a solo parent for the best part of 10 years, it’s not all been easy but my god I’m proud of us! We run a tight ship and have the best bond, he can go f*ck himself 😆 and I have no doubt he would if he could.