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Original poster

AIBU to think our 22 yo son is being slightly mad turning down a free London flat?

317 replies

BeNeatCat · 08/09/2026 08:58

DS is 22 and has finally got his first proper job in London and we are absolutely thrilled for him. He graduated from the University of Edinburgh with a first in Economics last year and came home afterwards. We live in a village and while looking for work he worked at the local farm shop and tutored A-level students.

We didn't charge him rent. He helps around the house and it's actually been really lovely having him home. He says he genuinely missed the village when he was at university the peace and quiet, being able to get back into reading and cycling, and having time with our four dogs.

He's also managed to save about £16k since graduating so it's not as though he's been sitting around spending everything he earns. He's actually been very sensible financially.
He's now got a London job on £38k which we're very chuffed about. That’s a very good wage for a 22 year old newly grad.

DH and I have a two bedroom flat in Borough of Hammersmith and Fulham. We’ve been renting for a while and the tenants have since bought a house now so they’ve moved out. We have had it on short term let as it’s been summer time so lots of tourists have been eager, it’s had a new group of people every other week or so since May it’s been quite hard for us to keep up with to be honest as this was our first time doing short term let’s seems as though the market in London is good. We've offered the flat to our son him and a friend completely rent-free. They would only have to pay the bills.
And he's said no.Because he wants to live with THREE of his mates. They’re currently searching and have been going to views for a 4 bed.

I have told him he's being ridiculous. He is 22, starting his first job on £38k, and we've basically handed him free accommodation in London. He could live there, pay the bills, continue saving and potentially build up a very decent pot of money over the next few years.Instead, he wants to rent a house with four friends because he wants the experience of living with them. I get it. I lived with 5 other girls (friends I made at uni) in London after university and throughly enjoy it they’re still my closest friends. And this is where I am conflicted because, if I'm being completely honest, I do understand it but also the economy is different to when I was 22

He's had a very nice year at home. He's saved £16k, had a peaceful year in the village, read, cycled, spent time with the dogs and generally enjoyed being at home. He isn't desperate to leave because he hates being here. He said he was slightly sad (albeit happy) about getting the job because he’s enjoyed being in a village his mind could finally think (his words) He does want to go and have the experience of being 22 and living in London with his mates.

DH thinks we should leave him to it. He's an adult, he's earning a decent salary, he's saved a good amount already and he's allowed to prioritise having fun and living with his friends over maximising his savings.
And I know he's right.

But I can't help thinking that a free two-bedroom flat in Hammersmith and Fulham that is fully paid for and his parents own is the sort of offer you don't turn down lightly at 22!

At the same time, perhaps I'm looking at it entirely through the lens of being his parent. I'm thinking about deposits, investments and financial security. He's thinking about having his four best friends round for dinner, going to the pub after work and coming home to a house full of people his own age.
He's not asking us to subsidise a lavish lifestyle either. He has £16k saved, a £38k salary and presumably will be perfectly capable of paying his own rent. He just doesn't want the financially optimal option.
And perhaps that's the point. He can afford to make the choice he actually wants.
So AIBU to think he's mad?Would you take the free London flat and save like mad for the next few years or would you pay rent to live with four of your best friends at 22 because you only get to be 22 once?
I'm increasingly wondering whether I'm confusing “financially sensible” with “the right choice for him”.

Maybe I am being unreasoned he’s 22, has a girlfriend who is soon moving to London too and wants to experience London to its full potential, get pissed with his friends and have fun I can’t fault him maybe I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
AcrobaticCardigan · 08/09/2026 12:28

I can’t believe he is turning this down! It’s insane! Could the other friends not move nearby so they can still hang out etc?

Missingducks · 08/09/2026 12:28

Yes he is bonkers. But at 22 he can be bonkers. Let him get on with it and then hand him a spoon to eat his humble pie when he realises how bonkers he has been. But until then I hope he has fun sharing a house / flat with 4 friends!

Original poster
BeNeatCat · 08/09/2026 12:25

AssassinsEyebrow · 08/09/2026 11:56

@BeNeatCat hey can I have it? 😁

Ahaha take it. The estate agents keep telling us about students. I don’t want to let to students ever they seem to not understand that.

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 08/09/2026 12:25

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/09/2026 09:04

You can rent it out and give him the rental income instead?

I wouldn't do that, (or at least not immediately) how will he learn if he gets the best of both worlds?

By all means rent it out if he doesn't want it and maybe give him some/all of it at a later date for a deposit or wedding or whatever depending on your circumstances at the time, but its completely up to you. You've offered him the financially prudent option which millions would bite your hand off for, he doesn't get to live with his mates AND get thousands of extra in free rental income (without doing any of the work to administer or maintain the property) as well.

Tbh I agree with some of the comments, sounds like his life has been very easy thus far, perhaps dealing with paying over the nose for unscrupulous landlords and arguing over mates about not flushing the loo will make him aware of how lucky he is.

The only thing I'd say is if you rent it out and he then decides he wants to move in - tough luck, he has to wait until the tenants choose to end their tenancy It would be really unfair to chuck them out because he realises he has a better option.

Original poster
BeNeatCat · 08/09/2026 12:24

AnotherEmma · 08/09/2026 12:09

You mention a daughter too. What would you do a few years down the line, if she graduates and gets a job in London, and your son is still living rent-free in your flat? Would you ask him to leave so she could have her turn to live there rent-free for several years?

Whatever you do for him, you should do for her, so it's good that he doesn't want to live there. Get new tenants and if you don't need the income, save it for both your children.

We will have to see she hasn’t even moved into her first year accommodation yet. Her situation is quite different she doesn’t choose where she lives when she first graduates I’d she’d like a job that is. With the state of the nhs at the minute she also plans to not live in the uk long term would love to leave almost instantly after graduating as she has dual citizenship and junior doctors have been chances in other countries.

OP posts:
JAYZEEB · 08/09/2026 12:23

Let him do what he wants. Sounds as if he’s got the luxury of being very financially comfortable and I think this is the kind of decision people make when they know that!

Original poster
BeNeatCat · 08/09/2026 12:20

BIossomtoes · 08/09/2026 12:10

I really don’t envy OP’s future dil.

I get on quite well with his long term girlfriend she comes on holidays with us has been at the house for months at a time. I got on well with my MIL never had any issues I looked after her for many years got her to live with us before she passed so that she didn’t have to have carers and people she didn’t know. Doctors seemed happy with how DH and I were taking care of her based on her diagnosis and how she would have been at a care home compared to living with us

OP posts:
Bonkers1966 · 08/09/2026 12:20

Is there a girl or boy involved? Does he have some bizarre notion that living in your property will mean you are popping in to check on him?

Original poster
BeNeatCat · 08/09/2026 12:16

hothousingforsats · 08/09/2026 11:47

Well firstly you can only do short term lets for about 90 days in H&F, unless you get an expensive license (which will probably be rejected and if you get caught they will fine you - a lot), so I can see why you want your son to take the flat.

However, he is moving to London for a lifestyle, which includes living with his friends. It would have been great if it had all worked out and you could give your son free rent and earn money from the spare room but that is not what he wants. Respect that. He might also want to live in East London not Hammersmith.

You will get excellent rent in H&F for that flat and I'm sure you know that you won't need a licence (as long as you only let to no more than 2 unrelated people).

The sales market for flats in H&F, as I'm sure you know, is dead, but rental is scarce. Students are coming back so get a 1 year let from them, then you get guarantors from their parents and they vacate at the end of every year. Students from Imperial will snap your hand off. Parents and most students NEVER want a black mark against their credit rating so rent and moving out at the end of term is as 'safe as houses' as it can be.

In a year he might be fed up of his mates and want the flat, or want to move in with his girlfriend

Yes, the flat was empty at the start of the year when the previous tenants moved into their new house. We’ve actually looked into all of this quite carefully taken advice and been in contact with the council particularly as this is the first time we’ve had to make a decision about the property in a long time. It had previously been occupied by the same tenants for over 10 yrs so we haven’t really had to think about much. The rent went even market level as we knew the tenants enough that they’d even come to extended family events etc. We had no issues with them, they kept the flat nice and treated it like their own.

We don’t necessarily want to put it on a standard long term tenancy, and I’m not particularly keen on having tenants I don’t know living there for a whole year. That’s my fathers flat and it’s sentimental to me I wouldn’t want someone there for a year that I didn’t know at all.

We did consider renting it to students because of the location, we were in touch with estate agencies regarding this too and I appreciate that Imperial students in particular would probably be very easy to let it to. But having thought about it properly I’ve decided that isn’t something I really want to get involved with. Students can obviously be perfectly good tenants but I remember what I was like in my student house and my first place after university and I’m conscious that properties don’t always get treated in quite the same way when they’re being rented by students. Of course I do not know this for certain but students is certainly one demographic I do not want getting involved with for more than a few days. We’ve had people stay there over summer who were in their late teens etc but I don’t want anything more than that.

We had no issues whatsoever with the previous tenants and I’d much rather keep the property in a condition where it’s looked after properly than take on a tenancy that could potentially bring a lot more management & hassle. I’m not a landlord with multiple properties so I’m not looking to build a portfolio or maximise. That’s also why we’ve been looking at the short-term option and have taken advice on what is and isn’t possible. I understand the 90-day restriction and the planning position and I haven’t ignored those rules.

As for our son we understand that he may want to live with his friends. We’re not trying to force him into living in the flat. We are just surprised is all as many people especially in London spend 45-50% of their monthly salary on rent.

OP posts:
Tryagain26 · 08/09/2026 12:15

I understand why you as his mother feel that way. But he is making the right decision for himself at this time of his life. He is very lucky to have that choice.
The flat will still be there when he is older and wants to settle down. Offer it to him again then

BIossomtoes · 08/09/2026 12:10

I really don’t envy OP’s future dil.

AnotherEmma · 08/09/2026 12:09

You mention a daughter too. What would you do a few years down the line, if she graduates and gets a job in London, and your son is still living rent-free in your flat? Would you ask him to leave so she could have her turn to live there rent-free for several years?

Whatever you do for him, you should do for her, so it's good that he doesn't want to live there. Get new tenants and if you don't need the income, save it for both your children.

GasPanic · 08/09/2026 12:09

He wants to do what he wants to do and not what you want him to do.

He's an adult and you have to accept that.

Morepositivemum · 08/09/2026 12:07

5 in a house would be fun! I think you can offer it again in the future but he won’t get this chance again to be young and have fun (we had 5 in our house when I was I. Uni, it was an amazing time!)

peachslippers · 08/09/2026 12:02

Save the rent for him and don’t tell him.

Musicaltheatremum · 08/09/2026 12:00

The other thing is how far from his work is the flat? I know he can WFH but getting to work can be very costly on the tube. Could this be playing a part in his decision?

AssassinsEyebrow · 08/09/2026 11:56

@BeNeatCat hey can I have it? 😁

OutOfTheOtherSide · 08/09/2026 11:54

You've brought up a son that isn't so entitled that he has zero independence and is happy to sponge off his parents despite having a very good job. That's such a rarity, he's pretty much a unicorn these days! How can you possibly want to change that? You've clearly done a brilliant job with him, don't ruin it now. He's a grown up, let him go his own way.

GoldenSandy · 08/09/2026 11:49

BeNeatCat · 08/09/2026 10:09

I had no student debt whatsoever why would I want my children to have that debt. He’s have been on plan 2 so would be paying it for a long long time. My sisters children took out the loan from SFE and then graduated and worked in London but the more salary and promotions they had the worse the plan got. Their parents decided to just pay it for them in one good to avoid it getting ridiculously high when they borrowed £27k they didn’t take out maintenance loans. I am from a country where education is free I grew up in England but have dual citizenship. I was lucky to have been born in the 20th century. I did my undergrad here then went and studied for my masters completely free in The Netherlands. My son looked at masters he was interested in LSE and that was too expensive for us to pay. It would have been great if he had the opportunity so forgive me for not wanting him to have student debt/graduate tax.

I am not academic at all. I did what they now call a Micky mouse degree, same with my masters and my PhD was Mickey Mouse but it was all free and I throughly enjoy being able to study subjects I was interested in just for the sake of it. Would be great if my son had that. He’s certainly smarter than I am and has a more “valuable” undergraduate degree

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OP you need to be careful as you are sounding very out of touch.
Most parents don't choose for their kids to be in debt, they just don't have thousands in spare cash.
Likewise, by telling us all your qualifications are Mickey mouse degrees isn't doing you any favours - most people do not have the privilege to be able to afford tu study to PhD level in a subject which is just for fun and doesn't lead to a job.
A 2 bed flat in Zone 1 is probably millions now.

I'm not sure why the masters he got into is relevant.

£38k isn't a good salary for London in finances.

DH started on £45k nearly 20 years ago in his graduate job in London in finance. Your son certainly can't be going to any of the top places so I would probably say a little bit less.

Better would have been: "My late father left us his flat in London when he died. DS has got a graduate job in London so is moving, and naturally we've offered him the empty flat. He's turned it down because he wants to get drunk with his mates. He's being a bit silly isn't he?"

Do you see the difference?

Original poster
BeNeatCat · 08/09/2026 11:48

Minasama · 08/09/2026 11:37

He just needs to live his own life OP. You can’t control this so stop trying! Don’t be mardy, in a few months or years he’ll want the flat. Don’t say “I told you so.” He needs to have these experiences for himself.

Show quote history

Why would I say “I told you so” to my own son. He’s just entered the adult world he will learn like I did I’m glad my parents didn’t say to me “I told you” I did a lot of things that looking back now I regret but has my parents to always talk to and they just guided me same way we will just guide our son

OP posts:
hothousingforsats · 08/09/2026 11:47

Well firstly you can only do short term lets for about 90 days in H&F, unless you get an expensive license (which will probably be rejected and if you get caught they will fine you - a lot), so I can see why you want your son to take the flat.

However, he is moving to London for a lifestyle, which includes living with his friends. It would have been great if it had all worked out and you could give your son free rent and earn money from the spare room but that is not what he wants. Respect that. He might also want to live in East London not Hammersmith.

You will get excellent rent in H&F for that flat and I'm sure you know that you won't need a licence (as long as you only let to no more than 2 unrelated people).

The sales market for flats in H&F, as I'm sure you know, is dead, but rental is scarce. Students are coming back so get a 1 year let from them, then you get guarantors from their parents and they vacate at the end of every year. Students from Imperial will snap your hand off. Parents and most students NEVER want a black mark against their credit rating so rent and moving out at the end of term is as 'safe as houses' as it can be.

In a year he might be fed up of his mates and want the flat, or want to move in with his girlfriend

Original poster
BeNeatCat · 08/09/2026 11:46

Netcurtainnelly · 08/09/2026 11:42

It is, but he doesn't want it. Let it go. Would you have liked your parents trying to railroad you into something you didnt want?

Be careful this dosent spoil your relationship.

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It doesn’t mean I can’t be shocked I’m not going to force him to do something he doesn’t want sorry you’ve got that impression. We just thought it would be a good gesture and were surprised

OP posts:
Original poster
BeNeatCat · 08/09/2026 11:45

Not everyone that has a PhD is an academic you can do a PhD in almost anything. As I have mentioned I have Mickey Mouse undergraduate degree and my PhD is even more Mickey Mouse I did it for the fun of it. I have never put Dr in anything it’s been so long even I don’t produce any research it’s not a PhD in the sciences or mathematics or economics it’s purely just for a fun. I work with people with PhDs in comedy etc none of us are in academia or even think of ourselves as academics.

OP posts:
Netcurtainnelly · 08/09/2026 11:42

BeNeatCat · 08/09/2026 09:21

We’ve said he can let another friend stay too as it’s a two bed flat but he’s said no which I just can’t see why you’d turn down a free flat after spending a year saying how expensive things are and how hard it’s been for him trying to get a job. He had one company where he did 8 rounds of interviews/different stages it’s been very tough so we thought this would be a nice gesture

Show quote history

It is, but he doesn't want it. Let it go. Would you have liked your parents trying to railroad you into something you didnt want?

Be careful this dosent spoil your relationship.

EyesOpening · 08/09/2026 11:42

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to think he’s slightly mad for turning it down and it is a very generous offer but I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to want to live how he wants to. I think you should leave him be and let him stand on his own two feet as well.

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