AIBU to think our 22 yo son is being slightly mad turning down a free London flat?

The sentiment here can be quite confusing sometimes. If I’d have come here to say my son doesn’t work, doesn’t help around the house, leaves mess everywhere and the rest you’d say I’ve raised a monster and a horrible person and it’s my fault. I’m here saying we a proud of our son and people are saying some nasty things I know it’s a spectrum every parent is different. We are proud regardless he has worked hard (like everyone his age) he struggled through his A levels was resilient, put in the work at university, worked throughout university, has made us very very proud parents it’s normal to want to cut your child some slack. The world is cruel we at least want to be a safe space for our children. In a few years he might want the flat we will let him or he might never want it that’s also okay no one is forcing him to do anything. It was an option we thought he’d like based on the conversations we’ve had with him and him randomly telling us “oh Joe from school moved to London for a job can you guess how much is rent is it’s ridiculous” I guess we didn’t read the room well enough. We just wanted to help that is all no strings attached just give him that start. He has decided he can do it himself and that is okay too we aren’t upset just surprised based on the multiple conversations we’ve had over the year he’s been at home since finishing his degree.

Us wanting to help our son with the one thing a lot of young adults are struggling with at the moment isn’t bragging we aren’t landlord with multiple property. We have our house that DH and I bought together a long time ago and this flat that was passed down to me when my father passed away. We haven’t raised a spoilt brat as some of you are suggesting all we’ve done is try our best to give him a head start and he’s made us very proud so far. We aren’t angry at him for not wanting to live in the flat we understand it’s difficult to pick between friends who he should live with in the flat.

He has decided he’d rather find a 4 bed place with them. It doesn’t mean we cannot be shocked after seeing how hard he has worked trying to find a job and the constant disappointment and perseverance. I don’t know what it’s like but I certainly would have lost my mind after going through jobs that require multiple stages up to 8 for test, task, technical, assessment centre, interview etc therefore we wanted to do something nice for him and give him a break. He’s done well to get a job in the civil service his dream job he couldn’t believe it. We can be proud without it being classed as bragging. I didn’t
necessarily come here to complain and call him names I just came here to rant as I am surprised he always talks to us about rent and how it’s tough in London so in our minds we thought he would accept this we were wrong and can admit that. Sometimes parents get it wrong it’s okay no one’s in danger it was the wrong call I just wanted to have a little rant here not necessarily to be flamed and told I’m controlling for being surprised he didn’t want a to stay in the flat for free no one said it would be forever just a little head start while he settles into his new job.

You cant understand it because you are a parent and coming at this scenario from the opposite end as your son. You have years of work, saving, life experience etc...you think he is bonkers and should be thinking like you. Well thats not going to happen is it? Why cant you think more long term. Continue renting out your flat and in a few years time when he wants to settle down a bit more and not share his space there will be this flat. Honestly, I cant see this happening if he continues on the trajectory he has been on. He will be buying his own place. Perhaps if you are willing to let him live rent free, you could set aside the rental income you get and give it to him as a deposit in years to come. Now that sounds like a brilliant plan.

what "girlfriend"? 🤔

The sentiment here can be quite confusing sometimes. If I’d have come here to say my son doesn’t work, doesn’t help around the house, leaves mess everywhere and the rest you’d say I’ve raised a monster and a horrible person and it’s my fault. I’m here saying we a proud of our son and people are saying some nasty things I know it’s a spectrum every parent is different. We are proud regardless he has worked hard (like everyone his age) he struggled through his A levels was resilient, put in the work at university, worked throughout university, has made us very very proud parents it’s normal to want to cut your child some slack. The world is cruel we at least want to be a safe space for our children. In a few years he might want the flat we will let him or he might never want it that’s also okay no one is forcing him to do anything. It was an option we thought he’d like based on the conversations we’ve had with him and him randomly telling us “oh Joe from school moved to London for a job can you guess how much is rent is it’s ridiculous” I guess we didn’t read the room well enough. We just wanted to help that is all no strings attached just give him that start. He has decided he can do it himself and that is okay too we aren’t upset just surprised based on the multiple conversations we’ve had over the year he’s been at home since finishing his degree.

Us wanting to help our son with the one thing a lot of young adults are struggling with at the moment isn’t bragging we aren’t landlord with multiple property. We have our house that DH and I bought together a long time ago and this flat that was passed down to me when my father passed away. We haven’t raised a spoilt brat as some of you are suggesting all we’ve done is try our best to give him a head start and he’s made us very proud so far. We aren’t angry at him for not wanting to live in the flat we understand it’s difficult to pick between friends who he should live with in the flat.

He has decided he’d rather find a 4 bed place with them. It doesn’t mean we cannot be shocked after seeing how hard he has worked trying to find a job and the constant disappointment and perseverance. I don’t know what it’s like but I certainly would have lost my mind after going through jobs that require multiple stages up to 8 for test, task, technical, assessment centre, interview etc therefore we wanted to do something nice for him and give him a break. He’s done well to get a job in the civil service his dream job he couldn’t believe it. We can be proud without it being classed as bragging. I didn’t
necessarily come here to complain and call him names I just came here to rant as I am surprised he always talks to us about rent and how it’s tough in London so in our minds we thought he would accept this we were wrong and can admit that. Sometimes parents get it wrong it’s okay no one’s in danger it was the wrong call I just wanted to have a little rant here not necessarily to be flamed and told I’m controlling for being surprised he didn’t want a to stay in the flat for free no one said it would be forever just a little head start while he settles into his new job.

I wonder how old he is, what his salary is, and how much he has saved............!

DS is 22 and has finally got his first proper job in London and we are absolutely thrilled for him. He graduated from the University of Edinburgh with a first in Economics last year and came home afterwards. We live in a village and while looking for work he worked at the local farm shop and tutored A-level students.

We didn't charge him rent. He helps around the house and it's actually been really lovely having him home. He says he genuinely missed the village when he was at university the peace and quiet, being able to get back into reading and cycling, and having time with our four dogs.

He's also managed to save about £16k since graduating so it's not as though he's been sitting around spending everything he earns. He's actually been very sensible financially.
He's now got a London job on £38k which we're very chuffed about. That’s a very good wage for a 22 year old newly grad.

DH and I have a two bedroom flat in Borough of Hammersmith and Fulham. We’ve been renting for a while and the tenants have since bought a house now so they’ve moved out. We have had it on short term let as it’s been summer time so lots of tourists have been eager, it’s had a new group of people every other week or so since May it’s been quite hard for us to keep up with to be honest as this was our first time doing short term let’s seems as though the market in London is good. We've offered the flat to our son him and a friend completely rent-free. They would only have to pay the bills.
And he's said no.Because he wants to live with THREE of his mates. They’re currently searching and have been going to views for a 4 bed.

I have told him he's being ridiculous. He is 22, starting his first job on £38k, and we've basically handed him free accommodation in London. He could live there, pay the bills, continue saving and potentially build up a very decent pot of money over the next few years.Instead, he wants to rent a house with four friends because he wants the experience of living with them. I get it. I lived with 5 other girls (friends I made at uni) in London after university and throughly enjoy it they’re still my closest friends. And this is where I am conflicted because, if I'm being completely honest, I do understand it but also the economy is different to when I was 22

He's had a very nice year at home. He's saved £16k, had a peaceful year in the village, read, cycled, spent time with the dogs and generally enjoyed being at home. He isn't desperate to leave because he hates being here. He said he was slightly sad (albeit happy) about getting the job because he’s enjoyed being in a village his mind could finally think (his words) He does want to go and have the experience of being 22 and living in London with his mates.

DH thinks we should leave him to it. He's an adult, he's earning a decent salary, he's saved a good amount already and he's allowed to prioritise having fun and living with his friends over maximising his savings.
And I know he's right.

But I can't help thinking that a free two-bedroom flat in Hammersmith and Fulham that is fully paid for and his parents own is the sort of offer you don't turn down lightly at 22!

At the same time, perhaps I'm looking at it entirely through the lens of being his parent. I'm thinking about deposits, investments and financial security. He's thinking about having his four best friends round for dinner, going to the pub after work and coming home to a house full of people his own age.
He's not asking us to subsidise a lavish lifestyle either. He has £16k saved, a £38k salary and presumably will be perfectly capable of paying his own rent. He just doesn't want the financially optimal option.
And perhaps that's the point. He can afford to make the choice he actually wants.
So AIBU to think he's mad?Would you take the free London flat and save like mad for the next few years or would you pay rent to live with four of your best friends at 22 because you only get to be 22 once?
I'm increasingly wondering whether I'm confusing “financially sensible” with “the right choice for him”.

Maybe I am being unreasoned he’s 22, has a girlfriend who is soon moving to London too and wants to experience London to its full potential, get pissed with his friends and have fun I can’t fault him maybe I am being unreasonable.

DS is 22 and has finally got his first proper job in London and we are absolutely thrilled for him. He graduated from the University of Edinburgh with a first in Economics last year and came home afterwards. We live in a village and while looking for work he worked at the local farm shop and tutored A-level students.

We didn't charge him rent. He helps around the house and it's actually been really lovely having him home. He says he genuinely missed the village when he was at university the peace and quiet, being able to get back into reading and cycling, and having time with our four dogs.

He's also managed to save about £16k since graduating so it's not as though he's been sitting around spending everything he earns. He's actually been very sensible financially.
He's now got a London job on £38k which we're very chuffed about. That’s a very good wage for a 22 year old newly grad.

DH and I have a two bedroom flat in Borough of Hammersmith and Fulham. We’ve been renting for a while and the tenants have since bought a house now so they’ve moved out. We have had it on short term let as it’s been summer time so lots of tourists have been eager, it’s had a new group of people every other week or so since May it’s been quite hard for us to keep up with to be honest as this was our first time doing short term let’s seems as though the market in London is good. We've offered the flat to our son him and a friend completely rent-free. They would only have to pay the bills.
And he's said no.Because he wants to live with THREE of his mates. They’re currently searching and have been going to views for a 4 bed.

I have told him he's being ridiculous. He is 22, starting his first job on £38k, and we've basically handed him free accommodation in London. He could live there, pay the bills, continue saving and potentially build up a very decent pot of money over the next few years.Instead, he wants to rent a house with four friends because he wants the experience of living with them. I get it. I lived with 5 other girls (friends I made at uni) in London after university and throughly enjoy it they’re still my closest friends. And this is where I am conflicted because, if I'm being completely honest, I do understand it but also the economy is different to when I was 22

He's had a very nice year at home. He's saved £16k, had a peaceful year in the village, read, cycled, spent time with the dogs and generally enjoyed being at home. He isn't desperate to leave because he hates being here. He said he was slightly sad (albeit happy) about getting the job because he’s enjoyed being in a village his mind could finally think (his words) He does want to go and have the experience of being 22 and living in London with his mates.

DH thinks we should leave him to it. He's an adult, he's earning a decent salary, he's saved a good amount already and he's allowed to prioritise having fun and living with his friends over maximising his savings.
And I know he's right.

But I can't help thinking that a free two-bedroom flat in Hammersmith and Fulham that is fully paid for and his parents own is the sort of offer you don't turn down lightly at 22!

At the same time, perhaps I'm looking at it entirely through the lens of being his parent. I'm thinking about deposits, investments and financial security. He's thinking about having his four best friends round for dinner, going to the pub after work and coming home to a house full of people his own age.
He's not asking us to subsidise a lavish lifestyle either. He has £16k saved, a £38k salary and presumably will be perfectly capable of paying his own rent. He just doesn't want the financially optimal option.
And perhaps that's the point. He can afford to make the choice he actually wants.
So AIBU to think he's mad?Would you take the free London flat and save like mad for the next few years or would you pay rent to live with four of your best friends at 22 because you only get to be 22 once?
I'm increasingly wondering whether I'm confusing “financially sensible” with “the right choice for him”.

Maybe I am being unreasoned he’s 22, has a girlfriend who is soon moving to London too and wants to experience London to its full potential, get pissed with his friends and have fun I can’t fault him maybe I am being unreasonable.