AIBU to refuse my 18-year-old access to his savings?

Have you determined what type of account it is OP? Of you are this worried you ready should arm yourself with the full facts. If it’s a junior isa the provider would have written to your son as soon as he turned 18. If it’s a child’s bank account then they don’t appear to automatically do that. My DS had money with Tesco in a child’s account and it was like something out of the Middle Ages to get the money transferred. With his junior ISA it was much easier for him to sort, but he had me named as a second on his new ISA so I can keep an eye on it. If your son is so disorganised leave him to attempt to sort out himself, legally it’s his responsibility to.

In what world can you just withdraw all the money and close someone else’s account? Of course it’s illegal. Also banks are not in the habit of just letting people take other peoples money, thankfully.

There are lots of different adhd medications there might be another one that would make the difference. It does sound like he's self medicating with the weed. Even the various supplements - lions mane etc - could be worth a try to not be on the illegal drugs.
if you tell him he has to make an appointment at the bank and go in with his ID etc do you think he would be organised enough to do that?
If you can drive him to college today I would. Far too many young men with ADHD in prisons, your concerns are all justified

DS is an adult and entitled to access and use the money the way he wants.
If he's able to transfer it and use, consider it gone.

The key thing here - having similar with siblings (both DH and I) on both side of the family is NOT enabling him after. For our siblings, our parents had to learn to draw boundaries.

One set has to an extent - DBiL lives half way across the UK from them. For 15 years until he stopped the drugs and related psychosis, theft, physical assault and stood on his own feet, he would stay at a b&b when visiting them. He seems to have settled. He's not set foot in our house. Unlikely to.

My DB, on the other hand, was mollycoddled and got what he wanted, when he wanted. He lives with parents. Had commandeered half their house, moved his girlfriend in, without asking, doesn't work, doesn't help them, and was physically and mentally abusing them, until his last breakdown. I stepped in to separate them for all of their own good. But lo, and behold, my DM let him back in. I've stepped away, as cannot get involved.

Setting boundaries for the bigger picture and getting your DS to be responsible for himself and his future is the key. The money really means nothing.

The money is in her son's name. That is tantamount to theft.

If there's anything you can do to stop him accessing it, do it, although obviously legally it is his. I was in a similar position at age 18 and I remember the agonising nausea of realising I'd spent it. Hopefully he gets sorted out and once his brain fully develops he'll thank you for it.
Our main savings accounts for our kids' futures are not in their names to avoid this happening - sorry OP too late for you but maybe something for others to think about. 18 seems a lot younger nowadays.

I understand why you want to, but it is his money and you have no right to withhold it.

Honestly I'd try to talk him into reinventing it I to a Lifetime ISA for house deposit.
Its then tucked away.

This is the exact reason my kids don't have ISAs but thats easy to say after the event. He won't be the first or last to blow a shed load of money.

I have a young adult son with adhd. It feels like such a vulnerable time for them. Impulsive decisions at this stage could have big consequences.
Mine isn't involved in drugs but I'm spending a lot of time and effort making sure he stays in his job.
Good luck to you and your boy. I hope it works out.

Did that post make you feel good, how long did you spend thinking of ways to kick a person when they are down?

What do think happens when someone is involved in addiction and the sketchy world around it and they suddenly have a lot more money than usual?

• People suddenly remember “old debts” you didn’t know you had.
• You become everyone’s new best friend until the money is gone then they drift on to the next source of funds.
• People offer you amazing business opportunities to make a fortune (which you don’t and then you have more “old debts” to dealt with)

OP you are right to rely on his own disorganisation for as long as possible. Keep deflecting when he asks about the money as distract him if needed. I agree with a previous poster don’t nag him about going to college but offer a lift but perhaps do it in an indirect way like “let me know if you want a lift to college”.
Good luck.

I do not think you can legally stop him now, and it sounds like at some stage he will get access. I would be tempted to filibuster when he asks and say you do not have the book/account numbers etc, but if he wants access he will get it. I would sit down and have a clear discussion around where he is going from here. You are doing quite a lot to support him and it is now time for him to do the same. We had problems with our younger son- not doing enough work, out drinking and getting into some trouble. We told him we loved him, that we would always supply the food and the roof over his head, but anything else was up to him. It took a couple of years, but things did change. My advice- set some boundaries and be clear he drives his own life, you can only help him.

i would see how you could phrase it to him in a nicer way
teenagers push back to nagging and telling them what to do in my experience

He knows who the provider is.

How long is left on the passport? Can you fob him off until it expires, then refuse to assist with or fund a replacement or a driving license application?
But I fear that he will get the money eventually and it is highly unlikely he will have grown out of this self destructive behaviour, I would be worried about exactly how self destructive he could be with "plenty" of cash.

No, I don't think you are. I think you've deliberately ignored all the OP's valid concerns so you can pretend she's a terrible person.

See that a lot on here.

OP is well aware there might be nothing she can do to safeguard her son's money for a few years and she has declared no intention to keep it for herself in the long term.

It might be an unpopular idea (and I'm sure illegal) but if I could withdraw the money I would do so close the account and open another in my name and leave it untouched. He would have to take you to court etc to legally access it and that seems unlikely, even if he did it would then be highlighted to authorities the position he is in.

This.

Try to hide the provider and you know nothing about his passport. I'm surprised you've managed to find him an apprenticeship without any GCSEs. Congratulations are not enough.

Apart from the fact that it would be illegal, being over 18 they are expecting HIM to transfer the money to another account and they wouldn't accept proof from you anyway, only from him.

Unfortunately it's not the first thread I've seen with a child turned a drug addict having access to money but this is a considerable amount I see. So sorry op.

It's his money. Plenty of less unruly kids would waste most of it. If he uses it to live on at least he's not sponging off you or the government?

He was in magistrates court for cannabis possession? I didn't even think that was really treated as a serious crime any more. That seems really harsh. If he had a prescription for the same cannabis (well the government one is weaker and more expensive) then he'd be alright.

Oh no !!!
This is such a cruel vicious circle and so many that's struggle with ADHD do this it's not the answer he needs something he can hyper focus on like a job in barbering or something he enjoys and can be his own boss ?.
Can U help set him up this way with the money ?
It's gunna be an uphill battle but try and help and encourage as much as u can don't be soft on him ! He needs your strength to show him he can become something and use his ADHD as a skill
And organisation skills is what he needs not nagging

You can't stop him unfortunately. If he asks for the book you might offer to arrange to help him arrange to transfer it out gradually to his account so he has some regular income, at least it would last for longer.

Is that even legal though?