AIBU to refuse my 18-year-old access to his savings?

I think you need to be realistic here

Why would his money be paying rent and mortgage?

If they knew he had severe ADHD that brings the situation into potential disability discrimination territory if they are punishing him for not being able to comply with a pattern of arranging work that he couldn’t reliably manage.

Having said that, don’t go in all guns blazing because they will find other reasons why he was a problem. Ask them if they made a referral to Occupational Health given his disability and what reasonable adjustments were agreed. If they didn’t refer to OC ask that happens now as the lack of reasonable adjustments has inadvertently disadvantaged your DS due to his disability.

You can mention as part of the OC request that overtime hours might need to be reviewed given his age.

Even if they don’t want to keep him after his apprenticeship if he can at least finish it that would be something.

(Edited to add)
You could also use the hours and lack of reasonable adjustments to as the college if they could find another employer that might give your DS a fresh start.

I’m not saying they acted properly, but he also wasn’t a good employee, but if they were that bad why would you want him going back to them?

So you want to try and blackmail them into taking him back?

They’re definitely not going to want to take him back under those circumstances and if for some reason they have to, it would not be a pleasant environment for him.

If he’s truly changed he can ask for a trial period with them but they don’t have to accept.

But tbh I think he’s better off finding a new job and having a fresh start.

Why does he not live at home?

I would be pushing for this as he’s easily susceptible to end up in the wrong crowd and his life will be over.

The cannabis is a way to self medicate so I wouldn’t judge him for that.
But I would be encouraging him to use his meds and change the dosage etc until they agree with him.
Theyre not going to work if he doesn’t remember to take them or stops and starts.

Regarding the job - he regularly didn’t turn up - of course he got fired and it’s his own fault.

He needs to see this as a lesson learnt and find a different job and not mess it up.

He could beg for another chance but they don’t need to take him back on.

Not a leg to stand on here I’m afraid.

From an employer pov why would they want him back? It sounds like he was given far too many chances, he isn’t a good employee.

I would not be intervening here.

Indeed, something that perhaps could’ve been done before he turned 18 but too late now

ok i see

i meant professional advice about the money
in the account

I'm very sorry to read about your and your son's troubles. It must be heartbreaking for you.

The brutal reality currently is that your son is sleeping on a mates floor and most likely drug dealing for money. I say that because of your updates that your son has been arrested with large amounts of canabis and you have paid thousands of pounds to dealers. If he isn't drug dealing now he likely will be soon. He has no means to support himself and can't claim benefits due to his savings - if he does he will later be accused of fraud.

I think you said he is due at college tomorrow but you feel he might not go. I would arrange to give him a lift if you can. You need to talk and you need to listen to him - there is no point saving his college place if he doesn't intend to follow through - that's just more stress. He might be better to get a job and earn some money to support himself if he doesn't want to be at home. He might also find it less stressful with no homework or projects.

Your son has issues to overcome and sleeping on his mates floor is not sustainable. Is his mate also into drugs/dealing? If he isn't he won't tolerate your son for long. If he is then it will be hard for your son to change while he lives there.

I think you should talk to your son and tell him you appreciate he found it hard living at home - but perhaps it is also hard sleeping on his mates floor? He needs to choose whether to live back home or rent a room/lodge using his savings (that you hold). You must allow him to use the savings for this purpose as these savings prevent him claiming benefits to pay for a room. If he chooses to rent a room I would set it up for you to pay his rent direct if you can, from his savings, as if you give him the money he won't pay his rent. Don't let him get his own flat - it will become a hangout for all the local dossers. Tell him he can't afford it/his money won't last long enough. Lodging with all bills included is what he needs ideally.

He will need a weekly allowance to live on also. Not monthly else he'll be skint for 25 days of the month.

Lodging somewhere with mature caring people would be ideal - but they probably wouldn't tolerate your son's cannabis use. Shared houses that would not care about cannabis use will again probably not help your son's lifestyle.

He needs to think hard about what he wants his future to look like- I think all you can do is lay out his choices and the pros and cons of each (and hope it never occurs to him that taking his 30k, or whatever, and blowing it in 6 months is an option.

Please try to help your son choose his path taking into account his health needs and strengths and weaknesses. The old saying - if you measure a fish by it's ability to climb a tree it is always going to fail. What life choices will actually work for your son?

Wishing you all the best.

There is, you just keep the money in your own name.

OP cannot do this. The money is not hers to move. The account is in the name of her DS, who is an adult.

Just want to mention if he claims Univeral Credit and doesn't remember about the savings, he'll end up getting done for fraud eventually as ultimately it is his money.

Totally sympathise with you though, wish there was a type of account we could open as new parents to lock the money away for 25 years but without the extreme version of a private pension.

So your suggestion is for OP to commit fraud and theft?

You can set up a lifetime ISA and slowly move the funds across - he can then access it only for his first house purchase. Probably something you should’ve started few years ago based on his trajectory, but not too late even now. It will also attract 1K from the Gov each year so high returns.
Teens with ADHD are tricky to keep on the right path, I feel your pain.

Just don't let him access the money or passport regardless.

Only do so if he gets the police/courts and solicitors involved and you're threatened with a criminal charge by not doing so.

However, if he's that financially illiterate, disorganised, having trouble keeping appointments, and can't sort out Apple Pay, then doubt that would happen anyway.

Might he reconsider medication?
Did he just try stimulants before?
Non stimulants Atomoxetine or Guanfacine can help massively in reducing overwhelm and anxiety/worry, which might just give his head enough space to make plans/choices.

If he legally can access it then there is nothing you can do. If he can't legally get his hands on it you are entirely reasonable to decline. Why you didn't transfer it out before 18 is beyond me ... I refrained from giving my son (27) a massive amount of money, waited to see how he behaved with a small amount first (complicated, as legally it was my money)h