AIBU to refuse my 18-year-old access to his savings?

im not asking what financial abuse is, I’m asking how it applies here

Can you move it to a bond that's locked away for X years and hope things are better when that expires?

That’s a different situation though, involving coercion.

YANBU but legally there’s nothing you can do if it’s in account with his name on it.

Continue to lie to him that it’s not his yet.
don’t tell him which bank it is and don’t give him his passport. Without those He sounds like he will indeed really struggle to get hold of the money. If he does get hold of the money and he’s feeling down, he could progress to more than just weed.

But that isn’t happening here.

You can’t stop someone from withdrawing their money and if actual financial abuse is suspected (and a conversation doesn’t work) then the banks will get the police involved.
They wouldn’t refuse access to the money.

This is also extra challenging if it’s implied it’s for drugs/illegal activity rather than just giving money away.

The reality is that you have to give him access to the money, because he needs to be able to feed and house himself, and he can’t claim benefits because of the savings. Savings which are legally his. So to withhold would be you being financially abusive, and could cause you a whole host of problems. Unfortunately, you need to drop the rope here and give him access to the money which is his.

If by some miracle you can get him back into work, you need to try to persuade him to sign it back to you for safekeeping. He would then be eligible for benefits months/years down the line if he falls off the wagon again.

We are in almost identical situations, other than that I did not save in his name. It’s horrific.

Hate to disillusion you - no police involvement is required. I know of an instance when suspected financial abuse was reported to NatWest when a person of sound mind and of age was withdrawing to lend to unsavoury friends, the report was made by a parent. The bank quickly put a stop to that and put the shits up the person, saying that they received a report of a suspected abuse and they would involve the police. That was sufficient to nip it in the bud.

It’s his money.

If he wants to have it and waste it, that’s up to him.

OP cannot claim financial abuse as it’s not her money.

Only DS can do that and he would then need to involve the police.

There is no financial abuse - just a young adult who may waste the money.

I voted AIBU because you cannot refuse him access to the money or to his passport. You are in a horrible situation OP. I hope it has a happy ending.

Probably you mostly do internet banking? If you go to a bank and try to withdraw your own money from your own account in the amount exceeding a sum set by this bank (£3000 for NatWest), you will be compulsorily asked 'Did somebody ask you to withdraw this money/transfer this money'? clearly inviting you to disclose if this is a coercive payment. Have a look at the posters in NatWest

Financial abuse | Help and Support | NatWest

If it’s in an ISA you can’t stop him, if it’s just a child saving account you can transfer some or all of it to another account e.g. your own or a LISA.

What financial abuse? This is an absurd suggestion.

OP there needs to be a balance.

He doesn’t need tough love or be banned from your home.

But he also still needs rules and not to be allowed to take advantage of you and walk all over you.

You and his dad are responsible for teaching him right and wrong - if you let him walk all over you then this doesn’t help him.

He is a teen and has ADHD on top so needs that structure and discipline more than most.

I would say he is absolutely always welcome back in your home IF he follows your rules.

This is the most difficult age because it’s so difficult finding that balance of being supportive vs letting them make their own mistakes.

Please go to the bank on foot, set up a meeting with the manger and report suspected financial abuse - say that you are worried his wayward environment - unemployed cannabis users will force him to divest. Do something! They should act on suspected financial abuse, especially if it is in writing.

Forget about the money - you need to save your child asap. I don't know what to suggest to jerk him out of this downward spiral, maybe you can ask other MNers? But money is not your problem now, obviously, bar his access to it, but you need to save your child.

Ah ok fair enough. It's a shame though. I hope things improve in terms of his involvement with the law.

It’s a bit cancel the chequey here.

OP CANNOT legally transfer money from her adult DCs account to her own. It’s simply not an option.

I don’t know why this missed to comment I was replying to I tried to quote it!

It was @CherryKerryi was trying to quote who said something about tax, UC and abusive DHs

i realised too late to edit but my post makes no sense without the context?

I’d just keep repeating that it’s for a house deposit/his future and hope he gives up. Hide the passport if thats his only ID!
If its in his name, it is unfortunately in this situation his to do as he wishes with. If he does end up blowing the lot, well it’s a life lesson learnt however fustrating that will be.

We are fortunate that our kids ISAs were a significant sum and they've been adding to them rather than spending.

Transfer it to your account and hold it for him till he's ready to have that kind of money. It's extreme but I am sure he will thank you in the future

Dont let him back into your home.He is an adult. You should back off and let him go his own way. If that means allowing him to access what is his own money then so be it. You have no right to withhold his passport.

Its called tough love.

I also don't think you can keep hold on an 18 year olds passport

It's really difficult if the money is legally his but I get your concern, access to this money at his age and stage of development given his issues could not only lead to the money being wasted but actively cause him harm.