AIBU to refuse my 18-year-old access to his savings?

if. She has said it’s a child account that she manages and that she wasn’t sure exactly what the account is. A lot of child accounts like that are set up with the parent named as the trustee.

If she was a trustee on the account she would not have posted.

If she is a trustee on the account, she can move the money.

His job is driving. He's very good at that. He is just terrible with any paperwork.

But the bank cannot do that? The account is in the name of her adult DS. The only person who can move the money is him. I’m not sure what you were trying to say in the post I replied to of not fraud, which OP would have to commit to gain access and theft which she absolutely would be doing if she took the money, otherwise all thieves could say their action wasn’t intended to be permanent!

He’d need a lot of information that presumably only you hold to actually make this happen presumably?

Name of holding bank
Account number
His ID
Bills / proof of address

Sounds like he’d find sorting all that without any help or indeed with repeated obstruction by you very difficult.

If you refused to help he’d then presumably need some form of legal help to take you to court (?) for the ID / details??? Either way it feels like something you should be able to stall for quite a while.

We’re in the same boat with my son as my Dad set up an ISA in his name and it’s stuck where it is until he’s 18. He’s only 14 so not an issue yet but who knows what could happen in 4 years!

A few weeks to wait for a new passport as well as an online interview (doesn't happen for everyone) is no big deal, especially when we're talking a five figure sum at the end.

No, because she has no intention of permanently deprivng her son of the cash and theft requires that intention.

But it wouldn't necessarily stop her being charged with theft if he complains.

But if I was a mother I would risk that to save a drug addicted child from using the money to cause his own death.

Fraud does not come into it. The bank would have to have given her the right to move the money as an account holder or she wouldn't be physically able to do it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdukparentsofadultchildren

If it’s in a JISA they will typically contact you (the registered account holder) a few months before he turns 18 to get his NINO/phone number/email address so they can update it and you will then not be allowed to log in and he will get an email to sort out a new password etc. if he knows the provider he can just call them now he’s 18 and do it all over the phone. ID checks will vary as they will probably run an electronic check first (via Experian or the like), is he on the electoral register at your address? If so, he’ll probably pass if not, then yes they will ask for ID. Also, you won’t be able to add a bank account that’s in your name now he’s 18 to have it withdrawn too, it will have to be in his name and they will also run a check on that too.

As someone else said there is a definite balance to be struck, but it is hard. People not in the situation will just say "you just have to let them learn for themselves" but the problem is they don't. You have to scaffold for longer they are definitely younger for longer, but you also have to look after yourself. I would try and find local support from parents in a similar position, which may give you the strength to put in more boundaries for him but will understand when you don't.

Yet he managed to hold down a job which paid well enough for him to get a mortgage? It sounds like he was taking the absolute piss out of you, not that his ADHD prevented him from doing these things. Sure he may have needed more support then the average adult but if he was able to manage a job he was able to manage the majority of things you have listed here.

I think the OP can withhold the passport - what is he going to do about it? Go to the police?

I guess he could apply for a new passport saying the old one is lost but that at least puts a hurdle in the way. And he will have to go for an interview for the new one.

It what you’re asking but £200 a session is WAY too much.

OMG do you have some pain coming in the future. A few quid wasted from a bank account will be nothing compared to the pain he will cause if he knows he can walk all over you

He will definitely need ID to access the money. Leave him to sort out driving licence himself. Don't help him. Personally I'd keep hold of his passport as with ADHD he's very likely to lose it if he has it himself. His brain is still not working as an adult yet. His impulse control will be low. When my adult DS with ADHD wanted to buy a house I had to do everything for him. Find houses in his budget, drive him up to view them, put in his offer for him, sort out all his payslips and id for mortgage broker. Look around and suggest to him to get a fixed rate mortgage. Help him set up direct debits to pay the mortgage each month and sort out his insurance. DH and his brother helped him move his things in. DS works hard but is totally useless with life admin. He has got better though recently. He's just had his 40th birthday.

You cannot move someone else's money.

You can't. Once they're 18 the money is theirs. You cannot just decide what to do with it.

If he has a passport, he can go online and get a [provisional] driving licence issued within a few days. If it is a government ISA then he can look it up on line by opening a gateway account.

If it’s an ISA or similar and is in his name, then withholding his passport as his only valid form of ID with which to access it, probably constitutes a criminal offence. You need to accept this is his money and he has a right of access to it. You have no say in how he spends it sadly.

Sadly there isn't much you can do about it. I went through this with my adult children they had trust funds 250k each and they blew through all of it with nothing to show for it. And no you never expect that to happen. you really don't. You think they will follow the path of going to uni, getting a job, and then buying a home. And then they decide they want to have an extended party. It really is heartbreaking I understand

He knows it's his money and who the provider is.

I did not say it was happening. I suggested a course of action, a possible one, that is all. To keep the funds safe for the idiot who is a dope-head with no job - he will need that money down the line more than now, believe me.

The DS is an adult. It is not in a child account anymore.