AIBU to refuse my 18-year-old access to his savings?

He doesn’t sound very motivated nor savvy, so I don’t think he’ll be trying to access his savings. I think you’ll have to leave him to it and hit rock bottom. Only then will he realise his life was actually better before. Then he can get another job. When he's talking about getting a flat/house you can signpost him to his savings.

Support groups for families affected by marijuana or drug use in the UK include Nar-Anon UK, a 12-step program specifically for the friends and family of addicts, and Families Anonymous, which runs nationwide meetings for those dealing with a loved one's drug misuse.
This is out of your hands to carry alone.

This is what I thought - they’d come after him. You’ve really created such a mess unintentionally here.

I have a son who sounds scarily similar, and not one penny was saved for him in his name for this reason.

You have done your best, raised a challenging child, he has to get himself out of this one.
One thing that might help if you find an NA group in the area that specialises in weed, bring him along, the old timers with lived experience will bend his ear.
Addiction in adhd can go hand in glove.
It’s going to take him much longer to mature than his peers. Contact family support groups of users, you’ll find many families who have children with adhd that are in the same situation.
The money is not important, he will blow it, it is his to blow, hopefully it wakes him up.
His head is scrambled too. I would go the opposite way ignore his badness, take the focus of his failings.
There is 1000’s of influencers out there in drug recovery who suffer from ADHD. Their journeys aren’t easy for them or their families.
The line between self medicating and addiction is thin. Weed relaxes the adhd short term.
What about medical cannibas if he agrees to give up smoking? I think you can get oil or tablets.

deep sympathy @TheSereneBird . Thank you for starting this thread.

My DC is 17 and may end up in a not-too dissimilar situation (though did manage a small number of GCSE passes) - however, I realised a few years ago that this kind of situation could arise and I stopped putting money into the Child Trust Fund account because I felt the risk would be too great that my DC wouldn't have the maturity to make any kind of good decision about large sums of money as soon as reaching 18. Whilst the CTF account has about £10k in it, the rest of what we have put aside is in my name and I have retained control (though in a dedicated account so separate from our other savings) - at a cost of losing the tax advantages of saving in the child's name unfortunately but that seemed a sensible price to pay.

Unfortunately unless you can get a Court Order saying otherwise (which is possible) your son will be able to get this money, it is legally his and he is legally an adult.

It is possible to apply to the Court of Protection to prevent this, but it's quite a drastic step. This is a really useful guide:
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/64818cf6b32b9e0012a963fd/making-financial-decisions-for-young-people-who-lack-capacity-parent-carer-toolkit.pdf

Re - telling him, not sure what would happen you hadn’t told him and he claimed benefits and did not declare savings because he didn’t know about them, who would HMRC come after?

I feel that finding out what sort of an account it is should have been a priority before he was eighteen so it’s even more important now. I’d destroy the passport though.

There is no legal grounds for her to refuse him the passport. He can report her for theft if she withholds it. If he's feeling generous towards her he could report it as lost & get a replacement. But it doesn't sound like he's feeling generous towards her at the moment.

I’d do anything I could to stop him getting at it. Of course it’s legally his and ultimately, you can’t stop him, but I would try and draw the process out for as long as possible.

Whilst I understand your reasons for not wanting him to have it. Legally it’s his. You can’t deny him access to it.

As a parent of a child who got access to his JISA of circa £65k when he turned 18 (which he knew was for all of his uni costs, and has used it for nothing but that) I came on here to tell you YABU. However, having read your post I'm wrong - we are fortunate in that my DS is hard working and very respectful of the money we've saved for him, but it sounds like yours is the polar opposite, and would piss it away in minutes!

Sadly, it is legally his so I doubt there is much you can do, but in your position I certainly wouldn't facilitate making it easy for him to access - make him do all the leg work to get hold of it.

If the account is in his name then it's his money, & there's nothing you can do to stop him accessing it.

If you intended keeping control of the money when he reached adulthood, why the heck did you tell him about it? Knowing that money is there likely influenced the decisions he's been making.

Legally, the money is his. The passport is his. You cannot stop him.

1. How does he know about this account?
2. Does he know which bank it is in?
3. Technically the money is his for the taking, yes, but broadcasting that the account exists and where it is to a DC who is off the rails is perhaps unwise. You could have placed a lot more red tape in his way by being more discreet. At least you have his passport ID, but if he asks for it back, I’m not sure what legal ground you can stand on to keep it.

my dh had very similar with his dd. Not as much but a good chunk of money and she too was doing all sorts and had cut him off. She got hold of it and spent it all as feared.
not much you can do unfortunately. It made my dh sick the thought of what she spent it on

What a boo boo opening an account in a child’s name. Better to just open an account in your name. Try and transfer it if you can. The money will be gone within a few weeks.

Your DH is correct. If it’s in your DS name.

YABU as he’s now an adult and those are the terms on which you saved the cash.

I wish more parents thought about this potential outcome before putting 10s of thousands of pounds into a child’s name. Unless you have maxed out your own ISA allowances, there is really no need to risk a young person wasting your hard earned money.

Has he had a mental health assessment yet to try to see what is going on? It’s difficult.

If you manage it, transfer it to your name sharpish!

He will need ID though, hide the passport.