Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL situation after she arrived early

889 replies

DrivingHomeToYou · 08/09/2026 04:59

My MIL arranged to visit us yesterday. My husband and I both work from home but had booked the afternoon off so told her to come after 2.30pm so we would be finished with meetings.

She turned up at midday. We told her she’d have to entertain herself for a few hours as we were still working.

We have 2 children. Our youngest had his first day of sixth form yesterday and got home at about 1pm. He had a quick conversation with his nan but had been set work to do from college so wanted to get it done and went to his room. Our oldest was still in bed. He is going back to uni next week so had done his last shift at work and went out afterwards with workmates, not getting home til early this morning.

My husband finished work just before 2.30pm so made his mum some lunch. I joined them just before 3pm as a meeting had ran over. We had what we thought was a pleasant afternoon catching up and I walked our 2 dogs for 30 minutes together rather than separately like I usually do, to have more time with MIL. We asked if she wanted to stay for dinner but she said no and left at about 5.30pm

She has sent us a message tonight to say she was annoyed that she had bothered making the effort to come and see us when no one could be bothered to make an effort. My husband asked her what she meant and she said it was over 2 hours before anyone made her a drink, I was late joining them and the kids were rude by staying in their rooms. She also moaned because I was gone for 30 minutes walking our dogs.

How would you respond? She turned up 2.5 hours earlier than we said to knowing we were working. We told her to help herself to anything she fancied and she knows where the tea, coffee, cold drinks, biscuits etc are and we had to work. It’s my husbands mum and he was with her from just before 2.30 which is when we said to arrive from. I joined them as soon as I could. My youngest has been anxious about college so wanted to make sure he completed the work set and I wasn’t going to wake up my oldest when he had only had a few hours of sleep. He did get up and see her for an hour before she left and my youngest came down for about half an hour once he had completed his college work. I walked the dogs as they needed a walk. My husband would have come with me but as MIL didn’t want to go out, he stayed with her. She thinks I should have finished work on time for a visitor, the dogs could have been walked when she was gone, youngest could have done his work later and our oldest should have been made to get up and talk to her when she arrived.

Do you think we did anything wrong? Were we unreasonable?

OP posts:
Daygloboo · 08/09/2026 16:38

BunnyLake · 08/09/2026 16:32

Why can’t she put the kettle on? I’m the same age as her (give or take a year), and perfectly capable of making myself a cup of tea or coffee at my son’s place. Somehow I learnt how to fill a kettle and switch it on year’s ago.

It's about basic courtesy and making someone feel welcome. It's not about knowing how to switch on a kettle.

ThePurpleShark · 08/09/2026 16:37

Daygloboo · 08/09/2026 16:29

I ain't obtuse. I just think it's sad that dog walking, lay - about and antisocial sons, and 'wfh' are more important than at very least giving a gran a cup of tea. She made a mistake turning up early, but to be ignored for 2 hours without so much as a drink smacks of almost wilful ignorance to me. It's rude in anyone's book. I think it shows how they really feel about her and she knows it. She's hurt.

why do you put WFH in quotation marks?

Are you the MIL in law from hell, who believes the whole world should stop to accommodate her whims?

Have you got no respect for other people, their time, their privacy and you believe it's normal to disturb everybody else without any respect for them?

The only rude person in the story is MIL, no one else was. They let her in didn't they? Ask her to help herself to anything she wanted/ needed? They didn't let her wait at the door. They probably should have 😂

dreamiesformolly · 08/09/2026 16:37

Daygloboo · 08/09/2026 15:57

Not from what I hear when I ring up places.....dogs barking, children shouting, people having irrelevant conversations in the background.,......sounds like this household would fit right on in.

How do you work that one out? Those examples often happen when people aren't working effectively from home, whereas OP and her DH were actually... you know, busy doing the work, rather than flitting around MIL. Bit of a logic fail there if you ask me.

BunnyLake · 08/09/2026 16:36

SixtySomething · 08/09/2026 16:34

@ThePurpleShark @BunnyLake
You can’t KNOW MIL is having a tantrum. We only have one selective story.
Is’s equally like that DIL is having a tantrum.
It really is a very odd thing to do to post a rant about a family member here, where she can’t answer back.
Therefore, I suspect the tantrums belong to DIL.

Anyone who posts on here about someone, that someone can’t answer back? Not exactly a revelation is it! I don’t recall using the word tantrum?

Dorasdoor · 08/09/2026 16:36

NancyThompson · 08/09/2026 16:33

Which meeting or interview should OP or her DH have excused themselves from in order to go and wake up the sleeping son? Would you be happy if that happened to you during an interview?

They didn’t have 1 minute in 2.5 hours?

I think DH should have called DS when he let his mother in. He had already excused himself at that point and I don’t think he was conducting interviews.

Daygloboo · 08/09/2026 16:35

NancyThompson · 08/09/2026 16:32

No, making her a cup of tea is not more important than going the thing that pays their bills. And the woman has a functioning pair of hands.

Dont be so daft.

Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · 08/09/2026 16:34

NotAtMyAge · 08/09/2026 16:28

Why are you ringing up people who work from home during working hours? You sound as inconsiderate as OP's MiL.

I assume the poster means when she calls someone in service industry and it’s clear they are wfh eg call an insurance company and can hear a dog/children.

SixtySomething · 08/09/2026 16:34

@ThePurpleShark @BunnyLake
You can’t KNOW MIL is having a tantrum. We only have one selective story.
Is’s equally like that DIL is having a tantrum.
It really is a very odd thing to do to post a rant about a family member here, where she can’t answer back.
Therefore, I suspect the tantrums belong to DIL.

BunnyLake · 08/09/2026 16:34

Daygloboo · 08/09/2026 16:15

Right. Wfh. I'd be a rich woman if i had a pound for every time I phoned somewhere and heard dogs barking, children crying , irrelevant conversations in the background, or being put in hold coz the person didnt know what they were talking about. So I'm not very impressed with people's commitment to wfh .....and I certainly dont think you couldnt take 5 minutes out to make someone a cup of tea.

You haven’t said what your wfh job is though?

Daygloboo · 08/09/2026 16:34

NotAtMyAge · 08/09/2026 16:28

Why are you ringing up people who work from home during working hours? You sound as inconsiderate as OP's MiL.

Nooooooo. I 'm talking about ringing up businesses and organisations to get information,,....... whose workers are obviously working from home. . Not ringing up friends while they are wfh.

NancyThompson · 08/09/2026 16:33

Dorasdoor · 08/09/2026 16:32

Because it was quite rude of him, which she obviously felt.

She was wrong to turn up early too of course, but unless she makes a habit of it, I’d have indulged it.
Leaving her sitting there on her own when your son could have got up wasn’t great manners. And I know it’s not great turning up early either, but two wrongs don’t make a right 🤷‍♀️

Which meeting or interview should OP or her DH have excused themselves from in order to go and wake up the sleeping son? Would you be happy if that happened to you during an interview?

NotAtMyAge · 08/09/2026 16:33

Daygloboo · 08/09/2026 16:21

Ahaaaaaaaaa. Narcissistic. 😂

Yes, narcissistic. Thinking that everything should revolve around her and her convenience. Hot top: the world doesn't work like that.

Dorasdoor · 08/09/2026 16:32

DrivingHomeToYou · 08/09/2026 13:12

Why can’t she make her own tea for a couple of hours? She’s an adult, not a toddler. My son needed sleep after work and a night out. Why should making tea for a capable grandmother, who has turned up early, get priority over his sleep. Should he go and visit her on his schedule, after work at 2am and demand tea because it suits him to visit then? This was his sleep time, it doesn’t matter that it’s at a different time.

If this was his one chance to see her for a year, it would be different, but he sees her often and is seeing her at the weekend before leaving for uni.

Because it was quite rude of him, which she obviously felt.

She was wrong to turn up early too of course, but unless she makes a habit of it, I’d have indulged it.
Leaving her sitting there on her own when your son could have got up wasn’t great manners. And I know it’s not great turning up early either, but two wrongs don’t make a right 🤷‍♀️

NancyThompson · 08/09/2026 16:32

Daygloboo · 08/09/2026 16:29

I ain't obtuse. I just think it's sad that dog walking, lay - about and antisocial sons, and 'wfh' are more important than at very least giving a gran a cup of tea. She made a mistake turning up early, but to be ignored for 2 hours without so much as a drink smacks of almost wilful ignorance to me. It's rude in anyone's book. I think it shows how they really feel about her and she knows it. She's hurt.

No, making her a cup of tea is not more important than going the thing that pays their bills. And the woman has a functioning pair of hands.

BunnyLake · 08/09/2026 16:32

Daygloboo · 08/09/2026 16:29

I ain't obtuse. I just think it's sad that dog walking, lay - about and antisocial sons, and 'wfh' are more important than at very least giving a gran a cup of tea. She made a mistake turning up early, but to be ignored for 2 hours without so much as a drink smacks of almost wilful ignorance to me. It's rude in anyone's book. I think it shows how they really feel about her and she knows it. She's hurt.

Why can’t she put the kettle on? I’m the same age as her (give or take a year), and perfectly capable of making myself a cup of tea or coffee at my son’s place. Somehow I learnt how to fill a kettle and switch it on year’s ago.

BunnyLake · 08/09/2026 16:29

Boomer55 · 08/09/2026 16:27

What a lot of drama about very little. 🙄

Drama was coming from mil.

Daygloboo · 08/09/2026 16:29

NotAtMyAge · 08/09/2026 16:21

They were both working in close collaboration with colleagues in meetings and interviews AS OP HAS ALREADY EXPLAINED, so NO, they couldn't just take time out to make tea and chat. 🙄 I'm starting to think you're just being deliberately obtuse.

I ain't obtuse. I just think it's sad that dog walking, lay - about and antisocial sons, and 'wfh' are more important than at very least giving a gran a cup of tea. She made a mistake turning up early, but to be ignored for 2 hours without so much as a drink smacks of almost wilful ignorance to me. It's rude in anyone's book. I think it shows how they really feel about her and she knows it. She's hurt.

NotAtMyAge · 08/09/2026 16:28

Daygloboo · 08/09/2026 15:57

Not from what I hear when I ring up places.....dogs barking, children shouting, people having irrelevant conversations in the background.,......sounds like this household would fit right on in.

Why are you ringing up people who work from home during working hours? You sound as inconsiderate as OP's MiL.

Boomer55 · 08/09/2026 16:27

What a lot of drama about very little. 🙄

ThePurpleShark · 08/09/2026 16:27

SixtySomething · 08/09/2026 16:24

‘please don’t fall out with us son’

I think the natural interpretation is that the DAD is scared of what might happen. Otherwise, he would have said ‘please don’t upset your mother.’
Anyhow, as a pp said, since OP is so sure of herself, why post at all?
What I dislike about these threads is that we only have selected information, so can’t give a fair judgement. The post simply serves to whip up anti MIL feelings, which can be shockingly cruel and violent, not to mention dismissive .
It makes me shudder for the poor MILs these women have ( if they actually have a MIL at all, and don’t just hate women.

I am pretty confident the comments would have been exactly the same if a male relative or anyone had behaved in the same way as MIL

It's just happens that SHE decided to be rude AND have a tantrum.
Blame her.

6784xx · 08/09/2026 16:25

Delatron · 08/09/2026 16:22

It would have been helpful if she could have walked the dogs no? Instead of sitting around wanting to be waited on…

Exactly - how much that would have been appreciated. But that would involve her putting herself out, and not putting others out by sitting there 2.5 hours early.

Nutter

NotAtMyAge · 08/09/2026 16:25

BlackRowan · 08/09/2026 15:46

I’ve read the thread. His parents should have told him/should have woken him up
at 2-30/3 pm

No, they shouldn't. His grandma will be seeing him for a meal on Saturday so didn't need to have him there all afternoon on Monday as well. She isn't the centre of their world except in her own head.

SixtySomething · 08/09/2026 16:24

Differentforgirls · 08/09/2026 14:34

It sounds like he lives with a diva and knows it.

‘please don’t fall out with us son’

I think the natural interpretation is that the DAD is scared of what might happen. Otherwise, he would have said ‘please don’t upset your mother.’
Anyhow, as a pp said, since OP is so sure of herself, why post at all?
What I dislike about these threads is that we only have selected information, so can’t give a fair judgement. The post simply serves to whip up anti MIL feelings, which can be shockingly cruel and violent, not to mention dismissive .
It makes me shudder for the poor MILs these women have ( if they actually have a MIL at all, and don’t just hate women.

BlackRowan · 08/09/2026 16:24

Eightfor15 · 08/09/2026 15:52

Still pissed now?

Sometimes. Yes. So?

6784xx · 08/09/2026 16:24

DrivingHomeToYou · 08/09/2026 11:24

My son wanted to get the work done as he didn’t know how long it would take, is anxious about college in general and had football later on, so no he couldn’t really do it later and feel ok.

I couldn’t finish work because I was interviewing someone. Some people have no understanding of other jobs clearly.

The dogs need walking. I asked her to come, she didn’t want to so my husband stayed with her. She doesn’t need both of us there the whole time!

She found out we had booked half days of annual leave all this week and suggested she come over. It wasn’t an issue if she came when we said or looked after herself til we were free when she arrived so early. We could have had all afternoon and evening with her but she stropped off without having dinner which we had planned for her preferences! We often work from 10/11am til 7/8pm so it’s not easy finding time in the week to see her. When we have time off, we try to accommodate.

I’ve said all this already.

Yes, I wouldn't bother responding to people who can't be bothered to read @DrivingHomeToYou

This site is full of CFs who would do this or that/ expect this or that - so they are either the enabled, or wimpy #bekind enablers

Swipe left for the next trending thread