MIL situation after she arrived early

I also agree with this. I think it’s mot great at all that a sixth former left his grandmother alone because he was so keen to do his homework on the first day back. To be honest, if he was mine I would have assumed it was an excuse because having so much work when you have only been there for half a day on the first day seems unlikely.

And someone should have woken up the other one. ‘Your grandmother has turned up early, you need to get up’.

Your MIL should not have come two hours early but she did and there were two people who could have spent some time with her but didn’t.

I think you all made very little effort. You absolutely could have walked the dogs later.

She was really rude to come at 12, but once it was 2:30pm, I definitely wouldn't have taken the dogs out in that time and I would have asked the kids to come down.

But I can see how you were already irked and didn't feel like making much effort after that.

I can’t wait to be a older woman as apparently it means I can be as entitled and rude as I want and everyone is obligated to fit in with me due to ‘culture’.

I wonder how many of ‘you were rude you should all have dropped everything to accommodate her turning up 2 hours early’ are the same people who think WFH = not real work.

She was told when to come and the reasons why and went home early in a sulk. That’s very much a her problem.

YANBU at all and neither are the rest of your family. I can’t believe you’re getting a hard time on here TBH

Your mil shouldn't have arrived so early, presumably this was a mistake?

Your boys should have offered her refreshments - that's basic manners and you should have waited to walk the dogs. It's rude to do so when you have expected guests and regardless of her turning up early you finished work as planned so should have adjusted your dog walk to accommodate her.

I don't think you're interested in taking on board any constructive criticism here though.

She sounds a bloody nightmare OP. Turning up so early. Was it some sort of test? Tell her to grow up and stop acting like a petulant child.

You, your husband and children are 100% not being unreasonable, your MIL is. If she'd have turned up when you asked her to literally none of this would be an issue.

You did nothing wrong. Reply with something along the lines "sorry you feel that way, next time we'd appreciate you sticking to the time". Her feelings aren't your responsibility.

Lots of the same questions being asked and answered - has your MIL been asked WHY she turned up 2.5hrs early and expected everyone to drop everything?

Imagine you worked in an office and she arrived 2.5hrs early- would she have expected you to drop your work and come home early? What if you worked in a shop? Or worked shifts as a medic?

My elderly parents would be fully encouraging of a grand child wanting to crack on with school work - start as you mean to go on!

I don’t think you or your family are unreasonable. Equally as she may feel you were all rude, she was quite rude turning up 2.5hrs early and expecting to be waited on. People have lives, if you’re running early, expect to slot into that. She could’ve taken herself off to lunch or shopping to pass some time.
I agree with points others have made about her not understanding that working is the operative word in WFH.

She thinks I should have finished work on time for a visitor A meeting ran over which cannot be helped by you but why not start earlier than 10 if you knew you had a visitor coming?

the dogs could have been walked when she was gone, youngest could have done his work later and our oldest should have been made to get up and talk to her when she arrived. i agree with all of this.

You’re not unreasonable at all!

I wouldn’t want my DGC to feel obliged to talk to me. Fine if they’ve got things they need to do, and a bonus if we get to spend some time together.

I think there’s a generation that just don’t get that being at home doesn’t mean you’re not necessarily free. And think you can just drop your work or whatever you’re doing. My in-laws do this. My husband invites them round, but then conveniently disappears when they arrive two hours early every time.

personally, I would leave this one to your DH to handle and otherwise not worry

YANBU, but the DC should have seen her for longer. They could have gone back to bed/ done homework later. But otherwise, it sounds like a normal close family which includes your MiL but assumes she’s family and so can participate rather than stand on ceremony, IYSWIM

You are 100% NOT unreasonable. I speak as an older woman, a mother in law several times over myself.

She’s family and should have looked after herself if she came earlier than arranged. She knows where drinks and snacks are kept. This is entirely on her. And no, college grandson should be prioritising his work and sleeping student grandson didn’t ask his grandmother to come early so why should he be the one who has to change his plans?

If this is a bit out of character for her, I’d gently ask her if everything is ok - she’s obviously upset about something but it may not actually be all about this one visit.

And I’d try to talk to her kindly but firmly about it. You need to make boundaries explicit here.

Finally, I’d say something like - I’m so sorry you felt bad about this as that’s the last thing we’d want when we love you very much. Let’s get better at communicating so this doesn’t happen again - Or something like that.

Why did she come 2 hours early? Why did she come on a work day? My MIL is old school polish, never worked a traditional iob and has done this many times. She just shows up and expects every single person to drop everything and do exactly what she says and fawn over her. I am polite but I no longer entertain her selfishness. My kids and I are human beings with lives, thoughts, hopes, tasks. She never asks us about us and just goes on about herself. My parent ask what time suits and try and find activities, times, days that suit me, my husband and all my kids and my parents. Its not perfect but they key is consideration for other people of which my MIL has zero.

I agree on not rewarding the tantrum. I wonder if she expected you to drop things for her rather than DH - my inlaws do not really understand women can have jobs outside the house so feel it is very rude if you don't drop everything to wait on them.

I would stand firm. Explain that's why she shouldn't have been early. Otherwise it'll creep and you'll end up with her turning up at 10am sitting in your kitchen demanding an audience all day.

Why did she come two hours early? Until she explains her rudeness in arriving when you had told her you were busy, she hasn’t got a leg to stand on regarding any “rudeness” on your part during those two hours.

To the people who think OP is unreasonable….

Would it be acceptable for a MIL to come to your work, for you to drop whatever you’re doing, to greet her and make her a drink?

No. So why should she or her husband be expected to here?

So you started work late, which meant you then couldn't assert the boundary of finishing for the time you'd booked off.

Even though you started work late, you didn't walk your dogs in the morning and this had to be done in the couple of hours you had available to spend with your MiL.

Your son had to do his college work in the afternoon when she was there because he had football training in the evening so both were prioritised over spending time with this nan.

Your other son had been out drinking until 8am. That's one helluva session.

This isn't hosting. Instead, it's sending a very clear message that someone isn't a priority in any way at all. I'd say message received.