MIL situation after she arrived early

She's being totally unreasonable then, sounds like you were very clear. And if she's seeing the kids on the weekend they dint need to make a massive effort midweek in my view.

She is a grown woman , she doesn’t need babysitting - she just needs to arrive on time.
I would be pointing out that she caused this by coming early and if she is upset she shouldn’t come round again.

there is a lot of talk on here about ds doing better. Nan came early! Why do they have to put off what they are doing to accommodate her poor planning.

Before 2 .30 she was unreasonable to expect attention from you and your husband. The son that arrived home at 1 could have done better. After 2.30 you are unreasonable not to focus on her. The dogs could have waited.None of you like her do you.

We don’t know any history. Maybe they don’t like Grandma very much. Indeed, if her behaviour is indicative of how she normally reacts, I don’t blame them.

She maybe thought 2.30pm was a typo for 12.30pm or misread it - particularly as you mentioned coming for lunch? 2.30pm is very late for lunch. Just a thought.

Sounds like you had a lot going on this particular day. Would have just cancelled it.

Posts like this make me so grateful for my own mother. She would make tea for herself, me and DH, and any kids in the house, rather than waiting around to be waited on. She would be glad to see her grandson getting on with his school work (my DS is not renowned for his enthusiasm with school work tbh). Your MIL sounds like an entitled princess and was really rude to turn up over two hours early. I'd probably reply and say 'we asked you to come after 2.30 and you arrived at midday'. That's it. Don't engage with the rest of the nonsense about your sons.

A mid 60s woman who must have known you over 20 years still expecting to be hosted like a first time visitor is ridiculous.

She should've been apologising for arriving at an inconvenient time, made her own tea and stayed out of the way until you were available. Ideally, she would have walked the dogs, assuming they are well behaved. Instead she is sulking like a child.

I have been through this with my MIL who didn't 'get' WFH which I have done for about 12 years. My study is downstairs and she was forever wandering in for a chat when she visited (usually a week at a time, so not a case of being able to just take time off every time). After a couple of blunt conversations from my husband, she has learned. Now, she makes her own tea and one for anyone else in the house, hands it to me at my desk and goes back to another room.

You didn’t do a thing wrong, or your children! They interacted with her. Just reply with what you’ve said here. She just has a completely different view but she sounds high maintenance.

You can be as reasonable as you like and explain the facts. Sadly, you’re wasting your time. If you were in an external office, there is no way you would wander off in the middle of an interview or a meeting because your mum had arrived. People do not understand working from home. I used to work part-time in school and part-time, in the afternoon, as a bookkeeper. The school used to regularly arrange meetings and courses for the afternoon or early evening. I couldn’t attend, because I was working for someone else, from home. If I had been working in Tesco’s, they wouldn’t have had a leg to stand on. I was working from home, for my brother‘s business, therefore I could just bugger off anytime I felt like it. I did it a few times, but then said no. They were aghast 🙂

My child has started alevels and is exactly the same as yours. Has extra curricular activities and so wants to get the homework done. They have had a big speech about how much work there is and not to get behind. There is summer work but it wasn’t clear that it wasn’t optional so no one has done it.
None of your family did anything wrong IMO.
I work from home & can’t just drop things to make a drink for someone.

And so, if she’d respected the fact that she was asked to arrive after 2.30pm there wouldn’t have been a problem. She found out the hard way that WFH is the same as being at the office.

It's not on your children to keep her entertained - she was early. And, having been told you were both working, incredibly rude and entitled to both turn up over 2 hours early and then complain at the lack of attention!

Your MIL was rude. The only thing I would have expected my child to do was checking that she had a drink and would offer her a snack or lunch if she would make herself something before then doing school work.

My mum doesn't get the wfh situation either, I don't bother telling her when I am at home or in the office, I may take her phone call if I am not in meetings but that's it.

Both sides at fault.

If you specified 2.30 she shouldn't have turned up at 12.

You claim to have booked an afternoon off but worked until 3 - if I worked till 3 I wouldn't call that having the afternoon off! Sounds like you weren't that keen to see her. Taking the dogs out also a way of avoiding her (I've used that as an excuse to dodge someone before!)

Younger son was rude for not offering to make his grandma a drink or at least chatting to her for 10/15 mins before rushing off to do homework.

She is rude to arrive 2 hours early and then be annoyed you're not free. When my gran comes to visit she often arrives at 2/3 knowing I'm working until 5 but she does so because she doesn't like the Friday afternoon traffic and is quite happy to amuse herself until I finish, although I definitely would make her a tea when she arrives.

If you ignore the first couple of hours as she wasn't meant to be there, your children are still rude. By 2:30 your eldest had had more than 7 hours sleep you or DH should've woken him, your youngest did not need to do 4.5 hours of work after the first morning of college, they set the reading for longer than a weekend. Cramming 4 lessons worth into one afternoon won't be much use anyway. You say he got home around 1, if he absolutely had to he could've gone and done 90 minutes, and both boys could've entertained her from the agreed time of 2:30 with your DH. I also think your dogs could've probably waited until 5:30 for their walk, or you could've said MIL would you like to come for a walk (make it a nicer one than a quick 30 minutes) we'll all go and take the dogs.

I’d just tell her this is why you said to arrive from 2:30, as you were working and so would be unable to host until this time.

Not unreasonable in the slightest …. If you were in an office you wouldn’t be able to and it’s the same thing. She was given a time, she chose to arrive early and ignore this and these were then the consequences ….. I used to have this battle with a couple of family members as I wfh and especially when my little one was tiny and at a childminders, they thought it was fine to just call in as I was at home ‘in peace and quiet’. They soon learned!

It does seem unusual that she came a couple of hours early. If she knew she was early - yes- she should have entertained herself.
Or made herself useful!
eg - she could have walked one of the dogs!
She sounds very ‘formal’ !
I’d forget about it - and move on.
she sounds as though she’s one of these people who quickly feel sorry for themselves !

I wouldn’t have let her in.

I’m really surprised by some
of these responses.

She was unreasonable and frankly rude sending that message. Nothing you or your family did seems unreasonable to me.

I hope your DH is on the same page and he replies without using the word sorry.

And next time she is due to visit he should send a reminder text of the expected arrival time.

I’m in my sixties. If I had messed up by arriving hours earlier than planned, I’d either offer to walk the dogs, or see if there was anything else I could do.

I certainly wouldn’t have a hissy fit.

I'm not sure what you're asking. Your/your DH's response is very simple.

"We told you to come after 2:30, because we knew we would be working until then. Our work couldn't be abandoned when you arrived early, because we were in meetings and interviewing and our presence was vital. I'm sorry you felt neglected, but that was all on you for arriving two and a half hours early"

This explains it. My DM has never worked and has zero idea about what working means or to have pressures, commitments and deadlines. That time is limited and we can't just 'do it tomorrow'.

DM has lived a life of leisure, on a weekly allowance from DF, and has no idea what it means to have commitments or expectations, or having to earn money, or pay bills. I had a bizzare conversation around this with her on the weekend that told me she didn't get it, at all. I had to outline my week so she got some idea!!

I can’t see the point in your post op.
If anyone has said your DC’s were unreasonable/rude you’ve said you don’t think they were and rationalising their behaviour so I think you already think YANBU, a waste of everyone’s time.
Id say YANBU due to her arriving early but your DC’s were rude

It depends on how she travelled to you, how far, and how often she sees you. If it’s a 2 hour train journey and she sees you every 3 months then it’s a lot different to a 10 minute walk down the road and she sees you every 2 weeks. All of that would have an impact on whether she wanted to stay for dinner.

She was rude turning up early, but not buying it about your son’s homework, he could have spent a bit longer with her.