MIL situation after she arrived early

You did, you called OP 'bad'.

MIL did have clear expectations about how the afternoon would unfold.

She knew her son and DIL are working until 2.30 and that lunch would follow after that. Yet she turned up at 12.00.

She presumably knows that dogs need walking and have a routine. OP knows her dogs' needs, not you or MIL.

I am also British and honestly I was raised the same way as @ThisOliveKoala .

It isn't formal, it's basic manners.

But before you come at me, I refer again to my earlier posts in which i defended her boys sleeping/doing homework. They should however have offered their grandmother drinks/refreshments.

What are your views on the manners of turning up 2.5 hours early?

The kids weren't involved in the visit. OP told MIL they might not be around so MIL obviously can't have been expecting to see them. They weren't told the plans so made their own (night out, afternoon homework) which is perfectly reasonable.

I can see no reason to bang your eldest up after 4 hours sleep because she’s randomly turned up at a stupid time. He’d hardly have been in chit chatting mood. He’d had plans. It’s equivalent of him popping round to hers at 2am and complaining nan wasn’t very chatty or didn’t offer him tea when he’d banged on door to wake her up.
Dogs can’t always be walked later they can get restless and annoying ..I can fully understand Op having chatted a bit thought I’ll just nip out with dogs. She left mil with her son, my mil would like 1-1 time.
Her not staying to dinner is odd if she wanted to see you, 3/4 would have been there (one at football)

This all sounds very formal to me.

Luckily my Mum would have encouraged the youngest to get his college work done and would have ribbed the eldest when he emerged from his pit.
She knows how to use a kettle.
If we were working she would have offered to walk the dogs for us.
My Mum has manners though, so wouldn't have turned up when she knew we were working.

I don't understand people who act so formally when their parents visit, though I am British so that might be why.

I didn't say that.

It was rude of the op to take the dogs out when she did without making sure her MIL had clear expectations of how the afternoon would unfold. With respect to the dog walk only, her MIL's early arrival is irrelevant since the op kept to her finish time.

Dogs can cope with their routine being adjusted occasionally, it's not going to screw them up.

The only thing you did which would have annoyed me was walk then dog. That could have happened later.

id text back and say “and that is why we had agreed to 2.30, you arrived 2 hours early while we were still at work.”

In our family, family is family.

My family feel at home in our house and are welcome to treat it as their home (and they know this, they even come when I’m not home). We don’t stand on ceremony. It’s the same when I go there. If I want a drink I make one for myself and everyone else who wants one.

I did. Still would have been disappointed if my kids had acted in that way. Different views on kindness & manners, I suppose.

Such odd answers to a thread...

Of course your NBU, why would you be? She was given a time to meet. Would all these posters have the same answer if you worked in a shop and arranged to meet at a cafe where she arrived early? Of course not.

She was rude to come early, and rude to complain that you weren't available when she decided to arrive two hours before arranged.

Whether she is retired or not; you still have bills to pay, work needs to be completed and your kids still have homework and a life.

It's nobodys fault but her own. You can't stop your own life for anyone. Not even MIL...

The dogs could have been walked later - the kids could have made a bigger effort. It sounds like family life went on around her like she wasn't there and she felt like she should have been "seen" more.
This sounds like it was a unusual occasion like she doesn't normally come to visit - why does it stand out so much?

So OP is a bad person for walking her dogs? Their routine doesn't matter?

Well in our culture it’s generally considered extremely rude to turn up two and a half hours early. It’s for exactly the reason that it all went wrong: people are not prepared; you make them feel awkward for not being able to entertain you; you interrupt them from getting things done that need to be finished.

If she’d turned up on time none of this would’ve happened. They would’ve been ready, the kids could’ve been around, she would’ve been offered a drink and they could’ve had a pleasant time.

To sulk about something that’s basically your fault is the height of self absorption. And it sounds very passive aggressive to refuse to stay for dinner when that would’ve been the best time to spend quality time together. I generally hate MIL threads but on this occasion she sounds like she was a PITA.

How can you plan well for a visit when the guest decides to visit on a working Monday and arrives 2 hours early to boot? Was OP supposed to mind read that MIL would arrive two hours early?

You know she's being unreasonable. The question is what to do about it. Perhaps just repeat that she was too early and you were working. Teenagers don't usually want to spend lots of time with grandparents, so you could laugh that off saying you hardly see them either.

Sounds like your dogs get more love, attention and concern than grandmother.

Completely understand that you couldn’t be with her until around 2.30pm - but it sounds very half arsed by everyone except her son/your husband after that. He should make it clearer that the rest of you aren’t free, when he invites her over.

If she’s invited over, she’s right to think that the plan is to have focussed time together. Unless she’s told otherwise.

I hope you and your children aren’t the types that take gifts from gran but don’t really care about her. She’s your husband’s mother - birthed him, raised him - have some respect!

Neither, as I said in my earlier post which I referred to, I think it was poor manners for her sons not offer their grandmother a drink when they were with her (although I also happen to believe that letting them focus on work & sleep was right).

I also said in my earlier post that given the op kept to her schedule, she should have moved the dog walk to accommodate her MIL's visit. Instead she combined two walks to one longer one but I don't think this is much better.

The whole is very much a storm in a teacup which could have been avoided with better communication up front & boys who were just a little more thoughtful.

This is so true, my dad would have just made tea for everyone.

How old is your oldest?

if he’s an adult then granny’s issue with him sleeping in is between them and nothing to do with you.

if he’s underage then you should probably do something about him drinking himself stupid.

Id just agree with MIL that the visit wasn’t as good as it could have been, could she please arrive when expected next time- and in turn you will do better to be more flexible around dog walking.

And you could have read the thread. 😂

this. and I am old.

@SomedayYouWill - yes indeed I missed some of the OPs replies. I’m usually good at picking them all up. Sorry about that.

My overwhelming view was (and remains) how unreasonable the MIL was for arriving so early. But I still feel it wasn’t the best planned visit. Often times life isn’t all one way and in my view this is one of those occasions where the MIL was largely in the wrong, but the family weren’t terribly gracious about it. Obviously if she’s a horrible person that’s different. But assuming she isn’t, then my personal view is a bit of grace even in the face of something unreasonable (unless born of malice) doesn’t go amiss. I realise this is not a particularly popular view though. I shall bow out. I apologise again for not reading all the OPs replies.

'Elders' is a bit of an emotive exaggeration. OP's MIL is mid-60s and as the current retirement age is 66, soon to be 67, most people of her age are still working. It turns out that OP's MIL has never worked so she has no understanding about why OP's family couldn't just drop what they were doing to host her.

This really. You had reasons why you couldn’t come down. Things happen, but your kids could have helped. Homework could have been done when she left & eldest could have gone back to bed. They were rude.

The whole point of the thread is that she complained about not being hosted.