MIL situation after she arrived early

And if the MiL had arrived on time, then the homework may have already been done and there wouldn't have been such a long wait until the eldest got up. She was rude.

I think the only thing that was a bit rude was walking the dogs when it was only planned to be a 3 hour visit from her. They could have had a pee at 2.30 when you finished work and you could have walked them when she left at 5.30.

What’s important is what happened before 2.30 and what happened after. Your sons weren’t expecting your mil to be there before so they have every right to crack on with work, not jump out of bed. She was over 2 hours early! What’s important is what happened after 2.30. As long as both your sons were with her from 2.30 and your mil was hosted well then I think that’s fine. I imagine if your mil had turned up at the right time and all 4 of you were ready and in host mode, you nipping out to walk the dog wouldn’t have been an issue. It’s the culmination of it all. I’d reply saying that if she had arrived on schedule you would have been prepared to host her to her expectations.

You aren't being unreasonable and the only thing that surprises me is that (unless I missed something) you don't talk about her unrealistic expectations being a longstanding problem.

Did she not know that it was your youngest son's first day of sixth form?

Let’s agree to disagree. As I said, families do things differently when things don’t go to plan.

One son was asleep - things happen.

The other son had homework - things happen (and sometimes the volume of homework is such that no, it could not have been done later).

Why is the MIL's rudeness hand-waved away as "things happen" but not the pre-arranged plans of the sons who weren't even party to her visit in the first place?

She could have just turned up at the time she was invited to - that's the easiest thing to rectify rather than waking someone up out of hungover sleep or making someone stress about delaying their work.

My parents turn up 3 hours early and I wfh. I'll say 'hi' and disappear into my office. They make coffee and mooch about until the kids get home!

Give the teenagers a break. I loved my gran at both their ages and I would come and chat to her if she was visiting. I was a right little swot but I would have done my homework later and I even if I was absolutely hanging I would drag my duvet down and make her food and cuppa.

Maybe they don't have much of a relationship with her? The whole turning up before the time agreed and expected to be waited on suggests she behaves more like visiting royalty than a loving Nan. Or she could be an angel and they're just little turds, but the post suggests otherwise.

I agree with you.

I’m also British and happy to make myself comfortable. When my adult kids come to me they also make themselves a cup of tea sometimes. It’s one of the pleasures of family that you can relax and not be on ceremony.

I would also not be expecting my teen GC to be dancing around me. It’s lovely that they spent so much time with their gran once they had done the task they needed to do/got the necessary amount of sleep.

Popping out for 30 minutes isn’t rude when you are leaving her with her own son! She was invited on dog walk but didn’t want to go so her son stayed home with her.

One child had work to do and spent time with her when he finished.

One child was oblivious to her even being there but spent time with her when he got up and realised she was there.

My MIL is like this. She expects everyone to drop what they are doing in order to cater to her. Both me and DH work from home, and she has said in the past that our jobs are not real jobs. She's an extremely spoiled and entitled woman who is rapidly pissing off everyone in her life and we are all keeping her at arm's length.

I think you should let DH talk to her.

Your post said OP should have told MIL how the afternoon would unfold, even though it was MIL who turned up 2.5 hours early.

Yet you won't say how that makes OP as bad as MIL.

Indeed!

Things happen. My kids would have spent time with their Nan to not leave her sat on her own. But as I said, each to their own opinion. The kids were there. One doing homework which could have been done later & the other asleep (who could have been woken up to help out). As I said, families do things differently.

She was rude by turning up early.

Your children were rude by not making more of an effort. Though I see you don’t intend to improve their manners.

You were rude by walking your dogs while she was still there. I couldn’t imagine doing that to a guest. “Thanks for coming to see us. I’m off now”. Weird and rude.

MIL would know they have dogs and that dogs need walking. It would also be nice for MIL to be able to have time with her son one to one. When family visit, certain things still have to be done, the world doesn’t stop.

MIL can cope with OP popping out for 30 minutes in what would have been a 3 hour visit if she had turned up at the correct time, or longer if she hadn’t had a strop and not stayed for the dinner she was invited to. She was invited on the dog walk and they all could have had a walk together but she didn’t want that either.

She sounds incredibly difficult.

I think the crux of it is that she has no concept you are working.
If you were in an office she wouldn’t pop in during working day. I’d stop her coming on work days.

Again, read my posts. I'm not going to keep repeating myself
And quite frankly I don't care if you disagree with me.

Yes she came a couple of hours early and so?
They were working, albeit in the house. Imagine coming early when the someone you were coming to see works away from the home. It's the same thing.

Yanbu @DrivingHomeToYou Sounds like she sat stewing whilst waiting for you both to finish and just got crosser and crosser.

So in which way is OP as bad as MIL?

Saying two people are as bad as each other isn't the same as saying a person is 'bad' 😂

Oh my god this place 😂

I have a vision of OP saying to the dogs 'you'll just have to cross your legs, I don't care if you haven't been for a pee or poo for 6 hours, MIL is here and she is more important '.
I wonder if MIL would have helped clean up if one of the dogs had had an accident. 🤔
OP, unlike some, I have read all your posts and I think none of your household has been unreasonable.

Your MIL was rude and entitled. Don’t invite her over on a working day anymore.
your children did nothing wrong. It’s not like they invited her personally.

You were working.

Your husband was working.

Your youngest son had an important day and needed to work on college work.

Your oldest son didn’t even know she was visiting.

YANBU.

Your MIL should have either turned up on time or sorted herself out until you had finished work.

A nice grandmother would have realised what a big day your youngest had after feeling nervous and made him a drink and some lunch. She could have prepared lunch for you all whilst you were working. The very least she should have done when she turned up early was to have accepted you were all busy, amused herself and not moaned about it afterwards. She caused all of this!

I would just tell her its not your fault she turned up early and going forwards you will not make plans on days you have work. Shes not the queen, she can't expect you to drop everything as for not having a drink thats just lazy behaviour nothing was stopping her using the kettle!