MIL situation after she arrived early

I think your MIL is the one being unreasonable. She came 2.5 hours early and expected everyone to be able to accommodate that. If you’re WFH interviewing or in meetings you can’t just drop everything and it sounds like you did as much as you could.

She should keep her counsel and not say a word.
She's not caused tension and an upset. Much better not to have said anything isn't it.
When will people learn. Be tactful. It's not worth the fallout.

She was the rude one, arriving over 2 hours early.

She was meant to stay for dinner.

What a load of crap. You have no idea of the bond between them based on this one day.

We can all do that though….If you love somebody, you would realise they’ve had a stressful first day at college and be proud they are keen to do their work. If you love somebody, you would let them get on with their college work to make them feel less anxious ….etc.

OP, husband and kids all had other stuff going on. MIL had nothing to do so just sat around expecting the world to stop because she couldn’t just arrive when agreed or sort herself out for a couple of hours.

Yang as she turned up early but I completely agree with everything else she said re. walking the dogs later and kids staying in their rooms. That’s just rude

I think YANBU, OP. Odd time to visit during the weekday when it’s a normal workday and your children are on a different timetable for the moment with lots going on in their lives. It’s fine if she felt upset or whatever but she should keep it to herself instead of messaging about it and making it a huge deal.

I WFH and had a sibling come by and it was very annoying as I took their visit in my flex that that I have very little of and they kept prattling on and on. Another time they insisted I would be able to duck out for a movie apparently in my work time. I explained I couldn’t do it and finally it all sunk in that WFH is not a day off.

Not everyone does jobs that enable them to "step away" from their work because a visitor has rocked up 2.5 hours early.

I could have been representing a client at a tribunal, it would go down like a lead balloon if I asked the judge to adjourn the hearing. I delivered training online too, and it would be really unprofessional to call an unscheduled break to make my MIL a cup of tea.

Your MIL was very rude to turn up so early when you were both working, OP.

Basic manners apply to both parties. As I've said before, the MIL was wrong to arrive early.

I am in my 60s and am perfectly capable of getting myself a drink etc when visiting my children and will do so. Furthermore I do not expect family to stop what they are doing the moment I arrive, nor do I turn up 2 hours early! (I have a friend who regularly does this and it is awful,) Just take a book and sit in a cafe if you are too early. I actually find the views on here quite patronising towards older people.

However to be fair I do find some people seem to have a thing about helping themselves in other people's houses even when the 'other people' are close family members or even allowing other people to help. Don't get it myself but my Mum was a bit like this she used to tell anyone visiting to sit down, refuse any help etc then moan when they left for them not helping.

Basic manners would have started with MIL arriving at the agreed time. The OP and her DH were working. She wouldn't have turned up at an office block would she?

But yes, we are all raised differently, I love the fact that in my house, we don't stand to to attention and my Mum feels comfortable enough to crack on.
I do get that it's not for everyone.

Mine would have done the same, as well as making a cup of tea for the youngest DC, washed up (if any needed doing), text the parents asking if they need anything and played with the dogs.

Agree completely with @Maraudingmarauders- it’s a bit of both but one of those things that doesn’t really need to become an issue if both sides can let it go - especially MIL - plan a nice Sunday lunch for you all to go out as a family and have an hour or two together ? Kids as well?

Generally, YANBU and, as others have said, meeting up on a Monday was always going to be disruptive for everyone.

I agree with your MIL that you could have walked the dogs later. I understand they need 3 walks a day and they are clearly used to them happening at a set time, but would it have been that bad if they'd been walked at 5:30pm, instead of within the 2.5hrs you spent with your MIL? Also, I appreciate your younger son wanted to do his homework and that is a good thing but, again, as a one-off, I would have sat with my grandmother, at least until you and your DH finished work.

I think everyone (including your MIL) could be a little bit more understanding of each other's needs. In future, I'd also avoid these short visits on days you know are busy, as no matter how hard you try, they're never going to work. Someone is always going to feel put out or put upon.

Why not? It sounds like the visit was arranged in advance. Does nobody communicate in this family?

Yes. I agree with all of this. My first thought's were that A) she thinks people who work from home don't actually do any work, and B) the kids really could have made some sort of effort.
She should not have turned up early though.

He didn’t know she was going to be visiting them!

@Crissy81

‘………always make a big deal out of dropping in, I didnt mind especially as my own parents are stereotypical boomers……’

What does that mean?

If you all see each other regularly then this will blow over. MIL seems a bit dense about it really. Maybe there are two basic approaches to guests - one is you're welcome to visit but try to fit in with what's going on and the other is let me bend over backwards to host you and roll out the red carpet. Personally I wouldn't want to visit anyone, family or friends, if I thought it was going to be an inconvenience to them.

Ultimately, it was MIL’s fault that she was sat on her own for arriving over two hours early. Your husband finished work on time, so no issue there. Your younger son? Hmm, he could have maybe waited until you or your husband had finished work and then slope off to do his college assignments. Presumably he’d still have plenty of time before his football training. Your eldest boy? I bet he had a bit of a headache!
The only really unreasonable part in my opinion, is going off on a 30 minute dog walk when you have a guest. Could they really not have waited a bit, or couldn’t one of the boys have taken them out? Having said that, your DH was there and it is his mother!
I think you just need to reiterate that working from home actually means that you are working and that’s why you specified a time. It’ll probably go in one ear and out the other but that’s all you can do I suppose.

I find it interesting that people who think WFH isn't real work but can't understand the money that work brings in is real money. Unless they think all the people who WFH have managed to con their employers into paying them for doing nothing 🤔

And @Differentforgirls

No. She wants to be hosted. That is not the same as needing to be. She is being precious and should get over herself. Deciding not to make herself tea, having been told to, is the behaviour of a petulant child. As is whining about it having turned up 2.5 hours early.

Your eldest definitely could have done better. I wouldn't dream of getting plastered the night before granny visits. But I do love my granny so spending time with her is not a hardship.

The problem is not you or your husband - you were both working. The problem is your children. Some children don't have a bond with their gp. It is clear there is no love between you dc and gp - if you love somebody, you have to tear yourself away from them to do homework, if you love somebody, you would jump out of bed and run to hug them, to talk to them, to be with them. However this special bond between gp and gc usually only exists with intergenerational living or when children spend all summer hols with their grandparents. But this special bond also has a very negative side - when my SIL mother died, my nephews and nieces grieved the way you would usually grieve for your parent, they could not function for a couple of months and are still seriously affected.

Perhaps in future don't arrange visits on a work day, or if you do invite her for dinner instead then run her home. That way work, dog walking and college stuff all done and dusted.