MIL situation after she arrived early

It is rude of him to be honest, to suit yourself and not even ask a guest if they need anything, it's his grandma not a random person he doesn't know.

I think him going off to do his school work was absolutely fine, but he could have made sure she was sorted before disappearing off, and apologised for not being able to stay with her. It's just basic manners IMO.

Also when OP finally finished work, later than planned, she decided to go out and walk the dogs which was optional, making it even more obvious that MIL was inconveniencing them.

No, she shouldn't have come early, that part is on her, but why even invite her for the afternoon if you're not going to finish till 2:30, if your work may run over and then you have things to do?

"She’s getting older, it might be a big deal for her driving etc, she just wanted a bit of fuss."

FFS, she's only in her 60s, not 80s.
Bloody hell, the AGEISM on this site from some posters.

This.

DH actually started going in on a Friday as his parents couldn't understand WFH and boundaries.

When they were still stopping here over the weekend I got frustrated as they wanted entertaining on a Monday morning when everyone was trying to get ready and out the door. I was politie but firm they were not the prioty at that time.

Over time they've got much better about it all.

So has a reply been sent yet @DrivingHomeToYou?
Are there any text messages exchanged between you/DH and MIL confirming the time? I’d screenshot that and send with reply.
She needs telling as she’s been rude enough to call you out, or she’ll turn you into the bad guys.

MIL didn’t have a ‘need’ to turn up 2 hours early or be entertained when she did. It was a want and a very selfish one.

Walking the dogs for 30 minutes out of a 3 hour visit and when OP thought MIL was going to be there for lunch and dinner anyway so much longer really isn’t a problem. She was invited on the walk or could just enjoy time with her son. Why does OP have to be there every second too? That’s ridiculous.

Why should younger son have his plans to work ruined because MIL chose to turn up early? It’s very disrespectful to him.

MIL is the only one that needs to respect others more and be more understanding.

I can see her point. If I took annual leave and had an afternoon off I would finish at 12.30pm not 2.30pm.

It was clearly a busy day for you and she was expected to slot in - arriving early didn’t help.

But I wouldn’t leave someone in my house for two hours having not offered them a drink, no.

I agree with her point about walking the dogs.

She’s getting older, it might be a big deal for her driving etc, she just wanted a bit of fuss.

Yanbu. She was rude to arrive hours early. If she'd been on time your eldest may have been up, youngest would have finished their college work already and dh would have been free to make her a drink since she apparently can't possibly manage that on her own.

I know, right??!! Once I replied 'well, we get paid real money, so........'

I would ignore the text but it’s really up to your DH; she’s looking for something that she isn’t owed (an apology) for an awkward situation that she created in the first place, and she lacks the self-awareness to understand the role she played.

I would not be getting into all the ins and outs because the ultimate issue is that you said 2:30 as you know you couldn’t entertain and she came 2 hours early. That’s the end of the argument - she can’t be doing that. Imagine if you were both out doing something, she would have been on the doorstep for 2 hours or realised her mistake and come back at the agreed time. I wouldn’t get into the minutiae, I would just tell her there was a reason she was told 2:30 and she shouldn’t be causing an issue when she was in the wrong turning up early. If there’s any kick back from that then the question is, why didn’t she make herself at home whilst you two were working? Perhaps she could have even walked the dogs?

She sounds as if she has main character syndrome

Exactly, no other explanation is required.

She knows where the kettle and fridge is.

To listen to some people, OPs MIL should be able to rock up early, which is rude, and derail youngest sons plans to do his college work because of it. But it’s somehow OPs son that is rude. Lol.

They have to be trolling! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Knock yourself out, this women is only in her 60s and has plenty of people excusing her behaviour so you should be fine if you're already over 70.

If I was the MIL I would’ve apologised for turning up early, seen how busy everyone was and, because I’m proud of how lovely and productive my family are, sorted dinner/walk the dogs/done some ironing etc. until everyone had finished working.

Because that’s what decent families do. She’s not a frail, elderly woman.

When I’ve visited family I’m treated as such and know that, by helping and not being a selfish dick, everyone will have more time to relax and socialise with me and crack open the vino!

My mum did similar (getting stuck into helping) and her grandkids have such a strong relationship with her. Now she’s in her 90s we all, including my exDH, wait on her because she’s built that close relationship.

I’ve turned up early at my foster daughter’s house whilst she’s been busy and instead of moaning I’ve either taken foster GC out, done some housework or nipped out to get some shopping for her whilst she studies/works.

You’ve done nothing wrong @DrivingHomeToYou and I bet MIL wouldn’t like it if you turned up on her sacrosanct shopping day and expected her to entertain you instead?

Can’t believe the people on here who haven’t rtft or think your dogs should shit themselves/teen should have 4 hours sleep/kid not do homework and miss football because MIL can’t work a kettle or figure out the big hand on the clock 🙄

It was annoying she came early.

You and your husband did fine but you could have waited walking the dogs.

Your kids have no manners and you enable them by making excuses for rude behaviour to their grandmother.

It sounds like a miscommunication somewhere. You arranged a visit with her saying you both had the "afternoon off", it was obviously on her for turning up early. but even from 2:30 you acted like she was an inconvenience, your work ran over, then you just had to walk the dogs, your son didn't bother making her a drink and said he had things to do and disappeared off leaving her alone, your other son didn't bother to get up to see her until much later.

I've had this before when someone has said to pop round for a cuppa because they are free, then they've been really busy and bustling round and you sit there like a lemon wishing you hadn't accepted their offer, because they obviously aren't free, but feeling it would be too rude to just leave... it is horrible to feel like you are inconveniencing the people you are visiting.

We host a lot and we wouldn't dream of making a guest feel like this, at least if you arrange a visit saying you are free, don't make them feel like they are putting you out while they are there.

But she was meant to stay for dinner!

🤣🤣🤣

I wonder how much older I need to be before I can do this? I’m in my 70’s, and always adhere to times given, if necessary. I will park down the road and wait if I am early, as I feel it’s just as rude to arrive early as it is to be late.

I'm a grandmother and I don't agree. The son chatted about college, just like my granddaughter has chatted about year 7 and new school, but then wants to meet up with friends. I've had my time, I want to see my grandchildren fly. The son going to Uni is an adult and they both deserve respect. She has no respect for her family, who are leading busy lives. She could have come on time and stayed later. If she has nothing to do of a day, that's on her. Like a lot of older, selfish people, she wants entertaining, when she decides. With catch up etc no-one needs to get home for the soaps or whatever their choice of TV.

I don’t think you did anything wrong. It’s time for your DH delivered plain home truths again: Mum, we told you to come after 2.30 pm because we knew we would be busy. It’s good for you to do as you please but we have jobs.
If she says something about kids : they are grown ups and have their own obligations.
Tbh my mum would have heart attack at this age from the thought that SOMEONE was needed to make her a cup of tea. My main problem with my mum coming earlier would be her cooking meal for grandkids straight away. MIL wouldn’t cook a meal but would make herself a cup of tea and would offer it to grandkids, tbh she would never ever come earlier even for 10 minutes if DH said to her that he would be busy with work.
added: we are not British

I take your point but can I just offer that MIL made arrangements with her son and daughter in law, not with her grandsons. They are both adults with full lives who arrange their own schedule and the older one apparently didn't even know Granny was coming to visit. It's fair enough to arrange the schedule of younger kids who would be part of the visit but that's not the same here. Granny's visit was independent of the grandsons. Why should two busy adults suddenly drop everything to cater for an unexpected (to them) visitor? Everyone on here thinks droppers in are ghastly in general but apparently Granny is an exception to that rule. Would it kill the grandsons to be polite? No, of course not, but it sounds like they were, within reason, and this visit was nothing to do with them, it was between the parents and the MIL. I can't imagine any of you would appreciate your 16 or 17 year olds demanding you drop whatever you're doing to entertain someone they have arranged to spend the afternoon with. If the parents had asked their sons to arrange to be free for Granny's visit that afternoon it would be different but that's not what happened here.

I didn't say otherwise.

She was annoying to turn up early and expect to be waited on

your “children” behaved appallingly

and did you really have to walk the dogs? Honestly, that could have waited

It’s rude to be very late or early.

You did nothing wrong op and I’m very much a person to be fussing over senior members of the family. MIL is the only parent we have left now, she is notorious for being late. On a famous occasion her SIL turned up an hour early, she had travelled from Wales to London mind and she told her to go away and come back in an hour. Thats the one time I think being early was fine.