MIL situation after she arrived early

OP, YANBU at all.

Ignore all the posts here saying your kids are rude etc etc

I think too often these days we are expected to accommodate people like your MIL who feel entitled and fall off the edge as soon as they’re popped back in their box. Quite frankly, I’m sick of it.

Your MIL was being very unreasonable; completely uncalled for given that you told her a specific time you’d be free.

Lucky for you, you have a DH who called her out on it and a FIL who backs you up. MIL has made a tit of herself and no doubt she knows it.

Hopefully she won’t make that mistake again but if she does, sounds like your DH has it all in hand.

If I’d been her, I would have made you and your husband cups of tea.

No grip needed.

Don't turn up 2 hours early when you arrange to visit someone and they give you a time.

The only rude person in this whole story is MIL.

Your MIL is unbelievably rude and unreasonable.

I don't understand the posters who are trying to make it your children's problems. It's their home, they matters just as much as adults and do not have to give up their schedule because of a rude guest turning up randomly. No one asked them if they wanted to invite their grand-mother, they didn't get a chance to tell her not to come, it's not their job to entertain her.

I salute young people who take their homework seriously, and his sibling is allowed to sleep in his own home.

What was she planning on doing if you had not been home until the time you agreed for her visit?

Agree. It also sets a precedent and the poor lad will be stuck with grandma every time she turns up which be more once she realises she has an audience.

Have you ever interviewed anyone? You have to give each candidate the same chance, which means asking them the same questions and giving them a fair chance to answer them fully. You can't suddenly stop and say sorry I have to go now because my mother in law has just arrived! Also OP was one person in an interview panel. I can't see that she could have done anything else.
I think the issue is that the mother in law doesn't understand that working from home means actually working!

Mil is mid-60s but has never worked! How did she manage that?
She is being VU by the way.

I do think uni aged lad getting a hard time. Why should he have 4 hours sleep and be disturbed just because grandma has randomly turned up. If he’d been working overnight shifts bet responses would have been different. Sounds like he’s been working hard all summer and entitled to enjoy his leaving do.
I also don’t think mid 60s is elderly. My manager and another colleague are both older than her and working ft in demanding roles managing high level projects. It’s not even state pension age. I don’t think they are elderly.

I am a MIL in my 60s, and my son and his wife have a busy, busy household - one reception age dd and twin toddler dds, and even though I am disabled, I wouldn't dream of expecting them to drop everything and attend to me, especially if I arrived early. I am more than happy to sit quietly until they are free.

Your DHs response was a good one. What’s really worrying is her being like this in her 60s, gawd knows what she’ll be like when she’s properly old.

It's really obvious some people posting on this thread have never worked from home. 🙄

@Pallisers totally agree. Even saying oh you should have woken your son up - they're working!

Ugh, feeling your pain OP. I wfh and pretty much no one apart from DH (who also wfh) takes it seriously. What is it with these people who can't understand that wfh is still work and still has to be done at a specific time? 🙄 I know people say it's generational, and certainly my own parents never seem(ed) to get it, but I honestly don't understand what's so hard to grasp about the concept.

And that's before I even get it started her turning up that early. The arrangement was for her to arrive in the afternoon and that's when she should have arrived. I also don't really understand why she didn't just make herself a drink and get comfortable to wait for you to finish work. Totally unreasonable to expect you all to drop everything just because she decided to come early!

Even on this thread you can see the number of people who think working from home means free to do whatever you want.

Your MIL sounds a bit sour. I could imagine her saying to a friend "I went over to see them but they were all too busy for 2 full hours" but to lodge a complaint with you like you are a hotel who failed to provide room service - weird. I know there are cultures where older people are venerated and can do no wrong. I prefer the way I was raised where we tried very hard not to think badly of our family and presumed the best of them.

I'm trying to imagine my lovely parents or MIL complaining about their grandchildren like this - no can't see it. They adored/adore them. When your eldest did appear my mum would have said "ah why did you wake him up the poor boy needs his sleep".

Indeed.

I’m not brilliant at biting my tongue, however, and this would be why I would have replied: I’m sorry that you felt it was appropriate to arrive early and interrupt us whilst working and do wonder ‘why you bothered’ to do that when we had asked you to arrive after 2.30 - from which point you had our undivided attention. You could also have chosen to stay for dinner when invited, at which point you could have spent time with the kids, too.

How is maintaining clear respectful boundaries remotely ‘sad’?

I think it’s worse than sad where extremely regressive cultures treat women as second class citizens who should always defer to elders and men.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

For what it’s worth, my granny was a complete bitch who deserved zero respect.

Gosh, some people are really hard at comprehension. And 🤣 at the poster who suggested you stop interviewing early!

OP, you and your family were not being unreasonable.
Good for your DH to have addressed it. He sounds like a keeper.

Short answer's no, if she definitely knew it was supposed to be 2.30 (she couldn't be confused/time changed/misheard?)
But to be that annoyed mean it's not about that, maybe she has felt unwanted before and it's a camel's back situation? Talk to her as a family to try to sort it out, and see if she really is annoyed about her own mistake, or whether it's just an overall feeling, and discuss how you can all move forward.

She’s very rude to turn up so early and then complain no one was around. Very very silly behaviour.

I do hope the meal at the weekend goes well and she will hopefully apologie for making a tit of herself!😆

No she is rude. She’s not lonely! She sees them twice a week, she is married, she has friends and a husband and hobbies.

This entitled behaviour needs calling out. Otherwise she’ll never change.

I feel sorry for the DS, first day at a new school, he is stressed and wanted to get his work done and have some time for sport later yet entitled Gran turns up hours early and expects to be entertained. She is the rude one.

My mum is like your mum @TheSunBeatsDown
She’s 80 and understands wfh. She comes on bus one day a week for 2 hours. Lets herself in. If I’m free I say hello for 5 mins and she then walks our dog for an hour (she talks to people and enjoys it) She returns and usually we have lunch together but if I’m in a meeting she eats lunch and will read a magazine and/or brush the dog, wash up etc. She usually makes her own cup of tea. It’s zero intrusion on my work.

If husband here wfh he also pops in to say hello and will have lunch with us if he’s free. If uni age dd around she’ll say hi.

All very flexible and no one takes offence.

I’d stop all weekday visits from now on say it doesn’t work for you.

If they were in meetings, especially an interview, they couldn't really get up and do so though.

Either she's a guest, at which point she arrives at the time she is invited for so she can be hosted. Or she is a family member with a little more flexibility...in which case she behaves as such once there.

It's frustrating when you work from home. My family didn't take it seriously and would ask for lifts, babysitting, call round for coffee, they never understood that if I stopped I would have to make the time up and it was a massive inconvenience. In the end I just started saying no. It didn't go down very well but it had to be done.