MIL situation after she arrived early

The only clueless person here is the one who turned up two and a half hours early (and the OP says why she did so, if you read her posts).

Everything you said sounds fine @DrivingHomeToYou and I’m glad DH said what he did and clarified.

She has to understand that WFH needs to be ‘same as in office - while you may have some flexibility, would she turn up at your office and expect you to just stop everything? Of course not. If she hasn’t got the message (hopefully she has) then maybe a little creativity ‘we have the afternoon off but we may be in the office rather than WFH’ just to remind her might be in order …

No, you've misunderstood.

It's a bit sad. She probably arrived early because she waa looking forward to see you. . Yes, it was a bit silly of her but it's not the crime of the century. And the general way she was treated aa an afterthought is hurtful. I mean, let's face it, nobody really behaved aa if they were thrilled she was there and she would have felt that very strongly. You dont have very nice manners in your house. If I were a relative, I probably wouldnt bother coming round again where I'm only half welcome. You all sound a bit clueless actuslly.

I would (seriously) reply:

Thank you for sharing this and for starting the conversation. We had wanted to ask why you arrived so early as this put us in an awkward position. Your choice to arrive far too early has also clearly led to some frustration on your side too. Best to arrive on time in future.

Regards the kids: we can't always guarantee the whole family will be available at the same time and they're old enough now to speak for themselves - pop them a message if you have any concerns to raise with them. I know they had their reasons for not being available but they can speak for themselves now.

Suggest we plan future catch ups on days off only because work meetings can and do overrun. I'm not able to change my dogs' routines entirely for you, especially when they only get half an hour break from being trapped and bored indoors (try for at least an hour walk please! 😂 - dog lover here) - but as it happens, I did walk the dogs together to spend more time with you.

So to recap: if you can make more of an effort to keep to the time agreed, we will all have a better experience.

Don’t know how many times you had to repeat yourself on this thread. Just shows how many people do not understand working from home!!!

Your MIL was wrong and sadly I find a lot of women of this age like this… not sure if it’s because many of them haven’t had to work full time etc. just my observation but sure I will get flamed.

I usually stickup for MILs because generally they get a hard time on MN …but I think you and the family have been very reasonable and glad your husband has backed you and the children. Hopefully she will reflect and apologise.

If you'd read the OP's updates you'd have known she often starts late to overlap with US colleagues who are at least 5 hours behind the UK.

That post was so agist!

Lucky her!

I think it's even completely irrelevant if people were working or not. You simply do not turn up 2 hours early when you are a guest. It's beyond rude.

Either it's still your home, you tell your parents (or best friend etc) that you are coming but time is irrelevant, and just get on with things with no impact on the host, or you are a guest and it's not acceptable.

The cheek of MIL blaming everyone else but herself is hilarious.

Your MIL thought she would be everyone's priority and she found out that's not the case. Now she's in a snit about that. Good.

Now she knows where she stands in the scheme of things and hopefully she'll get a clue.

Don't ever enable her entitlement. She overstepped and it's so rude and disrespectful to show up hours early, especially when you know people are working and have things going on. And yes, homework comes before a visit. Your son sounds like he's as hot a good study routine plotted out, that's key.

It doesn't sound like she has a really good relationship with your kids either.

I would not have shown up early and would have asked if you guys needed some coffee made or whatever and offered to walk the dogs.

Your husband handled her well. Don't let your family become her hobby.

Op says she’s never worked

I'm 70 and I understand it! There is no excuse not to understand what it means, she is only mid 60s.
All my friends my age have used zoom, surely everyone did during Covid?

Sure fire way to make an adult dc not want to be at home is to treat them like a child. He sounds like a decent lad. He’s been working 60 hours a week keeping late hours. Sometimes stays with girlfriend. Not troubling his parents at all, made his own way home 8am and went to bed. Happy to go for family meal at weekend.
If you treat them like children they’ll vote with feet and stay at uni city year round.
If he’s been in a pattern of working in ar/nightclub until 2am it’s understandable his body clock has shifted.
Shame he’s finished the job or he could pop round to grans for tea and a chat at 2.30am on way home from work and send a message about how he found it rude she was asleep.

You’ve not read the thread obviously.

She’s only mid 60s. She could be working herself.

So you would cut short an interview with someone who wants a job to make your MIL a cup of coffee?

I think it’s 50/50. She should have been happy to entertain herself as she arrived early. My mum often does this. You had to finish work so that’s fine. However DC could have done homework later and got out of bed earlier, and you could have walked dogs after she’d left. It does look like noones over keen to spend time with her.

You should tell her to come at a weekend when youre presumably not working, her fault she was early, she could have made herself a drink.
Hardly worth coming if she.didnt stay for dinner

People that do this infuriate me. I would have simply replied yes, that is why we said come after 2.30pm. Because we were busy until 2.30pm. End.

Some of the older generation don't get working from home, they think you can just stop and chat. They have no concept of zoom or teams meetings online that you have commitments to at all. Hence your MIL arriving early thinking she'll have more time to chat. It's a learning curve... Why not send her a link so she can try it out, she may get it then.

And this poster doesn't seem to understand about working full stop. You're in charge of how long the interview lasts?

I don't understand why she can't make her own drink!
I am older than OPs mother in law but I understand what working from home means and that the teenagers have their own lives.
I would only have turned up 2 hours early if I had no choice because of public transport and if so I would have made myself a drink and one for my grandson who had just had his first day at college. If have asked him how it went, wished him luck with his work then. had a couple of hours watching TV or reading. I wouldn't expect to be waited on.

I’m not going to suggest how to respond but the fact your children got on with whatever they were doing speaks volumes of their relationship with her. I guess she was one of those grandmothers who send Christmas and birthday gifts by post and have sight of the kids whenever they visit to chat to the adults and have drinks made for them? You reap what you sow. You can’t force a relationship now and I suggest you don’t mention this to your children at all. Don’t teach them to pander