MIL situation after she arrived early

I agree..
Re walking the dogs for 30 minutes...
@DrivingHomeToYou You didn't all leave the house for 30 minutes... You left her to have one on one time WITH HER OWN SON. Is that not enough for her? I would have said that was quite considerate.

She came to a busy household of four adults or nearly adults all on different schedules. Its not your fault that she arrived hours before you'd asked her to. Four people at various times thought-out her visit had one on one chats with her yet she still felt "neglected" enough to send a big letter of complaint about all of them. If she wanted full attention, she should see them at the weekend. Then you could have sat on opposite sofas, making conversation for several hours.

Also, all the queries about the first day at sixth form. Who hasn't found the first day in a new job exhausting?
In my several experiences, they hit the ground running. I think he was very organised trying to make sure he got things done before football. He didn't ignore his grandmother, and he did talk to her, but he was busy.

I guess how seriously you take her complaints would depends on if this was normal interaction or if she was just enjoying complaining

I read this and thought who makes demands that everyone should drop everything and pay attention to them for the entire visit? If she's so concerned with manners and politeness there were more effective, positive and diplomatic ways she could have addressed this to improve future meetings, which might have left you looking forward to the next visit. Instead she chose to get everyone's backs up by complaining.

I agree it is pretty clueless to be unable to boil a kettle and put a teabag in a cup in your own son's house without waking someone up or making someone leave work.

They were free from 2.30pm. Come over after 2.30pm. If she’d turned up as requested there was no issue. It was nice of them to invite mil for a late lunch, they are seeing her on Saturday.

If someone ever invites you for diner, it doesn't mean they are sitting doing nothing all day until you arrive 😂

Same thing. Arrive at the time you are invited, or the time you arranged when you invite yourself, and assume that people are busy and have a life and plans before that agreed time. I assure you they do!

Oh come off it. Nobody could put a teabag in a cup, boil a kettle and give a cup of tea. This household sounds bloody clueless. They better learn pretty quick. I dont fancy the kids chances later in life if they have this sort of example at home. Walkong the fogs and loafing around in bed is more important than a very basic courtesy to a close relative.

Maybe instead of throwing accusations around you should start by reading all of the OPs posts where has answered this and many other questions already?

She wasn’t an after thought though. Her son made her lunch (got something she liked) she chatted to son and dil. Her 16 yr old grandson chatted to her and her adult grandson spoke to her and fixed her phone. She was offered dinner but chose to leave before dinner.
I’m sure she would be first to complain if she was at optician/dentist/bank/gp/solicitor apt and they cut it short as their mil had popped in unexpectedly.

As an 80 year-old grandmother I completely agree. I might have had to pass on the dog walk (bad knee) but otherwise I wouldn't dream of expecting the family to run around after me if I turned up ahead of schedule, knowing they were working from home until 2.30. I also wouldn't expect my grandsons to "entertain" me as though I were a visiting stranger. Mind you I would never have arranged to visit on a working/college day in the first place. That's what weekends are for.

Of course they weren't thrilled she was there, she showed up two and a half hours early and they were working. That was rude and disrespectful. Their jobs are hiw they put food on the table and keep a roof over their head. MIL feels put out because she expects them to just drop everything for when she deigns to show up and that's not happening.

Nobody's thrilled to see a disrespectful, rude person who throws a tantrum about not being catered to during someone else's working hours. I'd be seeing her a whole lot less and I see those nice boundaries OP's husband has now put up because of her entitled behaviour.

Because she was 2.5 hours early.
This is what really matters here.

Why on earth did you invite her if it was a day when you were all doing something else.

I understand about your son wanting to do his homework, but as the only member of the family available why couldn't he offer to make his grandma a cup of tea? That is basic hospitality that he should know by now. However, my DM and MIL recognise that they are part of the village and would understand that teenagers need reminding. 'Are you putting the kettle on?' would've been their go to question.

They both work from home! That is no different than working in an office. If she'd shown up at their office would you have expected them to skip out of their meetings and interviews just to entertain her and show "good manners"? She has no respect for their work day!

Talk about clueless!

I would have made myself tea. Raided the biscuit tin. Offered to walk the dog. Mooched around the garden (dead headed roses if allowed !) Looked at Mumsnet on my phone.
If it was my daughter I would have done her ironing ( which she pays me for generally, but at my home) & cleaned up her kitchen listening to Women’s Hour …
Glad your H told her why she was wrong !

Let DH admonish her. She sounds like hard work

No probs Will read again 😊

If you turn up 2 hours early when you plan to go somewhere, you are not "half welcome" you are not welcome at all until the agreed time 😂

You agreed after 2.30pm so anything that happend before that is on your MIL. She chose to come early. From 2.30pm it sounds like she saw everyone and was offered dinner. She's being entitled.

I would say nothing an shave you DH deal with his mother. I would be telling her we agreed after 2.30pm

Your MIL is a needy and selfish woman with far too much free time to the point where she either doesn't remember what it is like to have responsibilities or doesn't care.

She showed up early, on a work and school day, and had the nerve to complain that your son had schoolwork, you and your husband were working, and you walked your dogs.

She doesn't respect your adult responsibilities to the point where she later wrote to guilt trip and paint herself as a victim. She is out of touch and young enough to get a job of her own and join the majority of adults who actually have things they must take care of during the work week.

As for your children, the younger should absolutely not have had to set aside school work to entertain her on a school day, especially. And the older one...not ideal, but your MIL just seemed to expect a LOT of attention!

I was responding to the post by Tryagain26 that starts 'Have you ever interviewed anyone?'
Maybe the quoting function didn't work/isn't clear.

You probably wouldn’t be invited again with that attitude tbh.

Sounds like a good handling of it from your DH.

Essentially, if your MiL had turned when she was asked, your DH would have been available immediately, you after half an hour, your younger DS might have done his work or been up for a break by then and your older DS might have been awake, so the rest seems pretty irrelevant to me!

I also WFH home but no, that doesn't mean I can just clock off whenever I feel like it and this kind of attitudes winds me up so much.

If the thread title was ‘aibu to stop working for a few minutes to entertain a grown adult and cut an interview short?’ everyone would be saying that wfh means working and not stopping for a few mins.

you can’t win op 🤣

So what did you mean regarding stopping an interview when you want?

good for your husband - MIL has been an incredibly rude prima donna