AIBU not to tell friend why our kids fell out?

I’d talk to my dd and say I’d like to tell sue that John didn’t do anything inappropriate, no further detail but give her that reassurance.

Ask you daughter can you tell her, you don’t have to go into big detail, he asked her out she said no. I don’t see why it has to be a big secret. Just teenager stuff

You can reassure her without betraying either of your children. If she doesn’t already know, you could spell it out for her: let me reassure you John didn’t do anything you need to worry about this many years on. I can’t give you details because I was told whatever I was told in confidence and I know you wouldn’t want me to betray that. Everything is fine, we’re all so happy things are normal, you don’t need to be concerned about anything.

I suspect the reality is that she feels uncomfortable that you know intimate stuff about her son that she doesn’t, and that he won’t tell her about. But that’s between her and her son and you really mustn’t get involved. Not fair on him. He’ll tell her if/when he wants.

I agree with a pp, mountain out of a molehill. Just tell Sue it was a silly teenage falling out and nothing worth worrying about. Honestly, it was years ago she needs to let it go.

Just tell her that you respect your grown up children's right to privacy, just as you expect them to respect yours. You can add a brief reassurance that if there was ever anything for her to genuinely worry about, you would give her a heads up. But as there isn't, you feel it's best to let everyone concerned happily get on with their lives.

Then tell your daughter she asked and see what she is comfortable you saying 🤷‍♀️

@PigsawJuzzle it’s not hard to share without the details.

’I think John was hoping for more than just friendship at that time, but they seem to have got past that now, so all is back to normal. Nothing to worry about.’

@PigsawJuzzle Reassure without claiming insight - "John has blossomed into a lovely young man." Sue knows you know. A statement like this doesn't reveal any detail yet reassures her that, despite your knowledge what happened, her son is still seen in a positive light.

Mountain out of a molehill. Ask DD if she minds you telling Sue that her son asked her out. DD likely won’t care. If she does mind, tell Sue that it’s not your place to say anythyng but it isn’t anything to worry about.

Why not just ask DD if she's happy for you to say something vague like John fancied her, DD didn't feel the same so there was a bit of back and forth over it, but that eas all in the past. Or just get her to ask John? Surely none of it is a big deal given it's all done?

And I think we know exactly why John hasn't trusted Sue with this information.
Play dumb. "Oh god yeah I remember there being some silly teenage falling. Can't really remember but it wasn't anything serious. How lovely they're back being friends. Kids eh?"

I agree that you can give her general reassurance that he didn’t do anything terrible but tell her if she wants more information she’ll have to ask him.

OP I was involved in a similar dynamic as a teenager with a group I had known since birth as our mums were best friends since childhood.

There were brief crushes and fallings out, and falling back in together as you grow up a bit. However, was made far more bloody awkward when one of them told his mum and all the mums discussed it causing a lot of embarrassment. It made it far worse and what had been resolved became unresolved.

Keep your mouth shut OP. The kids have sorted it out. Nobody was seriously harmed, and in the grand scheme of their friendship this is a tiny blip. Save them both the extra embarrassment. He can tell his mum if he wants to, but sounds he doesn't. All that will happen is John's mum inevitably asking, him then possibly being cross with your daughter, his mum having an extra opinion in the mix.

Real talk OP, don't even get involved in this stuff which includes thinking about it. The kids will probably be mates for decades after you and your pal are long gone, let them preserve that.

This would be my line too, maybe adding that it’s clearly all water under the bridge now they are older and friends again. The friend is being a bit unreasonable to still be obsessing over it really.

No, tell her you know no more than she. You think there was a misunderstanding and it's all sorted.

I’d be transparent about why you can’t tell her. ‘I can’t be totally transparent as it’d break DD’s trust, but it was run of the mill teenage stuff, nothing concerning. If you want more detail you’ll have to ask your DS.’ I think if you haven’t provided any reassurance at all, she’ll be panicking he might be a sex pest.

Tell her to ask John

You said ‘I think she wants reassurance John didn’t do anything terrible’

Have you told her he didn’t? Maybe it’s causing her anxiety. You can tell her that much without blabbing?

Reassure her that she doesn't have anything to worry about then. She doesn't need to know the details and she is not owed them. She is going to have to trust you.

Definitely don’t tell her. There is a good chance that John was given the idea for the big gesture by his mother and she will feel like your daughter is obliged to reciprocate his feelings.

Just give her the general jist without breaking confidences and refer Sue back to her son if she has more questions.

Can’t you just say you don’t know the details but as far as you know it was nothing bad, just a disagreement between them. And suggest if she wants to know more she’ll have to ask her DS as you can’t help any further.

No. I think when your daughter confided in you she'd have reasonably assumed you would not relay it to his mum. The fact it's old news doesn't change that.

If John was happy for his mum to know now, he'd already have told her.