AIBU not to tell friend why our kids fell out?

I had the exact same thought.

What about saying simply that it was typical teenage stuff, and that her son didn't do anything that crossed a major line? I would think that would reassure her.

I think that you can say that you do not know what they fell out about but that your daughter has reassured you that John did not do anything bad.

I don’t think that’s OP’s responsibility though - she’d have to break confidentiality with her DD to do it. All she needs to say is that it was a teenage difference of opinion and nothing serious. The fact that they are still friends should tell her that.

I think it's fine to say 'They fell out but I don't think it was anything terrible. It's nice that that's passed now'.

She’s worried her son acted like a sex pest or was ungentlemanly
you must reassure her that he did not
you must relay the basics of what happened

No good can come from telling her in my opinion.

It's unfortunate that John never told her but that's his choice. Imagine John's reaction when he finds out you told her.

Also don't play it down, it was a big enough deal to dd that they didn't speak for two years. It wasn't a case of him fancying her, her not reciprocating and they fell out. So don't lie.

I wouldn't even ask DD. Just let it lie and fob her off.

So her son fancied your daughter, made a romantic gesture that failed; how exactly does that not 'paint him in a good light?'

Sounds like you are making a big drama out of her son fancying your daughter all those years ago.

You could just say John had a crush on Rose but she just wanted to be friends which made things difficult for a while. No need to go into romantic gestures and strops.

It's easier to be clearheaded and objective when you are not part of the discussion - that's why mn is great for advice. It's not too late to tell her if she brings it up again. As pp poster said; your daughter sounds mature and kind-hearted- you've done a great job!

Reassure her that her son was fine and all water under the bridge. But also tell her no details and just explain, it's not your story to tell. She may well respect you for it.

This. She would not only be breaking DD’s confidence, but also disrespecting DS’s decision not to tell his mother, and for that reason I think DD’s permission isn’t the whole issue. OP should maybe remind Sue that what happened is between John and Rose, and confirm was nothing terrible - as evidenced by the fact that they both got past it and are still friends.

I would do this. Don’t provide details, just broad reassurance.

But by doing that she’s breaking her DD’s confidence, and also that of Sue’s DS. OP has said she’s reluctant to tell Sue what happened because she knows she won’t keep it to herself. DS probably had similar reasons for not telling her himself.

Yep, this is just trivial and there are so many non detailed responses that the op could give that it baffles me as to how this is post worthy e.g. “It’s always tough when one side catches feelings and the other is just interested in a friendship but they’re great mates now so no harm done”.

Keeping quiet is making the other mum imagine something way worse than what actually happened. Very melodramatic.

Whilst I understand your loyalty to your DD, I also think your friend deserves some sort of reassuring explanation because she knows you know and by not saying anything, she’s bound to assume the worst.

Tell her that as far as you remember it was just a silly teenage falling out over differences of opinion and that her son didn’t do anything wrong and they’ve both grown up now and get on well so obviously it wasn’t anything serious.

Tbh I'd probably just tell her that John fancied Rose, but she didn't feel the same so it was awkward for a while. Keeping it a big secret and saying you can't break Rose's confidence makes it sound like something really awful, not something very common and normal. I find it astonishing that Sue didn't realise John fancied Rose tbh!

Or why not ask Rose if she'd mind you saying this to Sue to stop Sue worrying? She might not care anyway!

Once you tell her a few things, she will just want to know more and more. Best to not go down that road. Why rehash would happened years ago.

She is probably feeling left out of the loop as her son didn't tell her how he felt and what happened at the time. Maybe her DS is still struggling with unrequited love but on the face of it is still friends with your DD.

Just say it was years ago, you don't what happened exactly either but great they are friends now.

"Its not my story to tell"

It's a bit odd she's asking about it after such a long time. It could mean nothing but it could mean something has happened and she's wondering if that's what happened with your DD.

I agree that it's not your story to tell and that if she wants to know what went on she should ask John, but clearly he's embarrassed about it and won't tell her. I think I would reassure her that yes, you do know and no, it's nothing terrible, just standard teenage stuff and then refuse to say anything more.

I’d just reassure Sue that her son didn’t do anything inappropriate so not to worry about that and say it was a typical teenage fall out, but I’d stop there. It’s up to John if he wants his mother to know the details of it, most teenagers wouldn’t want their parents knowing their big romantic gesture got rejected.

Ask your DD if you can tell Sue the bare minimum - so John asked Rose out, she didn't like him in that way, John took it a bit badly, it was awkward for a while, but they are great friends again now. Reassure her that John didn't do anything wrong, it was just a teenage crush thing.

and then say that it is in the past and you don't want to bring it up again.

Just tell her a very brief account. He had a crush and was rejected so they had a time out from each other while the dust settled, nothing bad happened and that’s that.

I would mention to your DD that Sue is concerned about what happened and would you feel ok if I told her.