To expect work colleagues to go for meal on theirs days off?

I would say that I couldn’t make that date and then suggest after work drinks and that you’ll book something up or arrange a staff room party. It really depends on the dynamic and the working relationships you all have.

Don't any of you ever do anything for yourselves? Never go out with friends on a weekend evening? Or do you spend every weekend doing 'precious family time'

It's one night. I'd go.

I work for a fully remote business.
We could never meet like you do as we are all over the world.
However, there are still non-work social connections. Little side chats between individuals or non work chat at the beginning or ending of meetings.
I do feel that if we were nearer to each other yet still all wfh, a suggestion to meet for birthday drinks wouldn’t be met with such bafflement. We spend a lot of time at work, you don’t need to be friends, but to not feel any sort of connections outside of the work you do is a shame.
As PP wonders, how do you know she hasn’t got a closer relationship with your other colleagues?

Don’t go if it doesn’t suit you. By the sounds of it weekends work better if people are working from home, it’s not like popping to the pub after the end of a day. My office is 30 miles away, I’d struggle to get to an event near there in the evening if I had been working from home during the day.

I met half of my closest friends through work in my 20s. My current workplace isn’t very sociable and there are lots of different working patterns and WFH. It could be a coincidence, but it’s the least cohesive team I’ve ever worked in with very poor communication. It’s hard to know if it’s a symptom or an effect.

I'd suggest after work for a few drinks. Wouldn't go for a meal unless I knew them well and met them outside of work.

‘Oh, I’m so sorry-I can’t make that date. If you are celebrating with a drink after work though, I’m up for that!’

Does she feel closer to you guys than the other way around perhaps? It’s odd to suggest a birthday celebration with people you barely know.

why do you not want to spend time away from your family?
treat yourself

I’d suggest going after work on Friday, as I’m busy over the weekends.

Reply "Happy to do something on a work day/after the office, but I cannot do weekends"

Easy. Why a thread? To feel superior?

It's an invitation, you don't have to go. However, what a miserable bunch of people on MN, not wanting to do anything outside of work hours. She obviously looks upon you all as friends but you can't possibly put yourself out to go for a meal. Maybe she wants to get to know everyone better, and no, it's not "self indulgent".

YANBU but isn't it sad that she considers you all to be closer friends than you are? I'd let her down gently and suggest a workday lunch.

nice of her to try and develop the relationships a bit more. Some of my best mates are colleagues but if you prefer not to go, dont go

You dont have to go! Its sn invitation. Its a nice idea frankly. But, you are under no obligation.

Any pressure you are feeling is coming from yourself.

Just say you are busy, it's not a big deal.

Maybe she’s friendlier with others in the team and you haven’t picked up on it? Then didn’t want to leave people out.

As others have said, just say no thanks. Nothing wrong with her inviting people.

What is odder is thinking that being invited to a social occasion by work colleagues is odd.

some of my absolute bestests are people I’ve worked with over the years. All friendships start somewhere and being invited to someone’s birthday is a lovely thing.

There does seem to be a prevailing idea that socialising with work colleagues is seen as unnecessary and undesirable and should only be conducted in work hours. If you don’t want to go - don’t go. I’m sure she won’t invite you next time.

i get that weekends are precious but maybe, just maybe you might enjoy yourself if you went.

MN hates the idea of being friends with work colleagues, I expect in real life a lot of people would be tempted to go.

Why not just say you'd love to come but weekends unfortunately don't work as they are family time- how about [insert week daY]?

Just politely decline with I'm sorry I can't make it. You dont have to give a reason.

She might feel hurt if others decline as well especially if other outside get togethers have been organised and well attended. , so maybe the rest of you could decide separately on a lunchtime or immediately after-work get together to mark her special birthday that you could suggest to her..

It depends on the culture and social Norms in the office .

Perhaps she feels her colleagues are also friends and people she'd like to see outside work? A couple of people I worked with years ago became lifelong friends.

Poor lady, she sounds like she wants to be friendly. I think I could probably spare a few hours to celebrate someone's birthday, but you can obviously say no if you don't want to go.

some people are friendlier than others

suggest she has it on a friday evening?

I think this is the best suggestion. It makes me a bit sad to think that she sees her colleagues as friends but it’s not reciprocated. Many, many years ago I invited work colleagues to my flat for a house party. None of them came (plenty of other friends came so it wasn’t a complete washout!) and I realised that the relationship wasn’t quite what I thought it was. I think whatever you decide to do, be kind.