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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I was put in an unacceptable situation regarding SEN students toileting needs?

242 replies

twelfthdoctor · 07/09/2026 20:43

I am genuinely not sure and would appreciate second opinions on this. Today was my first full day as an early years TA apprentice in a mainstream reception class and I'm totally overwhelmed. I've never worked in a school or with SEN students other than some volunteering.

A non verbal 4 year girl with autism soiled her clothes and I was asked to take her to the toilet, change her, and walk her back to class. It was difficult but I managed. Later, she did it again but pooped. I was told again to take her to the bathroom and change her clothes. I was not given any training or safeguarding information regarding personal care prior to this. I cleaned her up as much as possible and then tried to get her in fresh clothes, at which point she became very distressed and refused to get changed. I couldn't let her walk around naked obviously but struggled to get her dressed, she wouldn't wear her trousers and then refused to come to class and escalated into a full meltdown - hitting her head, throwing herself against the floor, kicking and lashing out at me. I couldn't leave her alone but they're was no one else here so I called out to another teacher who offered to help take her to lunch but told me I would have to deal with another SEN boy who has also pooped himself and change him too. Later the same day I was told to supervise 4 SEN children outdoors alone. The teacher also informed me that a new SEN could would arrive tomorrow and I would be in charge of looking after him outdoors while the class learns inside and that I would be doing the first girls toileting needs and training her from now on.

Aibu to feel like I should have been given some support or training on personal care, particularly regarding SEN students? Or been given more information regarding these students, and that it was a lot for one day? I'm not a SEN TA and while I love all the kids and it's part of the job, I worry too much responsibility will be passed into me and I would like to be able to fulfill it safely. I'm just super frazzled and while I did the best I could at the time I'm just feeling bad about myself like I messed up.

OP posts:
spirah · 07/09/2026 23:05

Think of it this way.
A verbal SEN child says you hit them when you put a hand out to protect them/ yourself - your career could be damaged or even over.

I have never heard of schools changing children alone, I only know of 2 staff or parents being called in.

School sounds like it’s struggling with this class tbh and it sounds like you’re the dogs body.

There should be clear guidance on your role, the children you are supposed to be supporting and you should have seen the care plan/ EHCP/ Risk Assessment of every child your asked to support.

HollyhocksandPeons · 07/09/2026 22:50

This is so unfair on you! If you are going to be working with mentally ill people, you should receive the best of training AND support. This is not on. Please look after yourself. Maybe leave this job? This is awful.

maggisimpson · 07/09/2026 22:46

twelfthdoctor · 07/09/2026 22:38

I have an enhanced DBS. Safeguarding training was a school wide event about spotting abuse, and there was some general department training on early years curriculum. I've had no training regarding intimate care or anything personally yet

As a minimum I would say you will not do any intimate care until you have seen the schools intimate care policy and have been shown where all the supplies are.
You need to see the individual child's care plan before changing them.
And I would not be alone with any child or group of children unless you have a means of contacting another member of staff for example a walkie talkie.

Also please make sure you never lift, hold or restrain a child in any way.

LarryForPrimeMinister · 07/09/2026 22:42

Take it further. This is HIGHLY inappropriate. Unless it states on an ECHP that you can do intermitte care you should not be wiping their bums etc. And two staff members should be present.

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 07/09/2026 22:39

Email the SENCO and the class teacher and ask if there is any training you can go on. Explain your concerns in email.

That way, there's a paper trail to say you've voiced your concerns too.

twelfthdoctor · 07/09/2026 22:38

MyCatsAreFuckwitts · 07/09/2026 22:31

Hi OP, this is totally unacceptable.
No adult should be providing intimate care without another adult present.
This is rule number 1 in safeguarding, it is to protect YOURSELF from any allegations made against you.
At your level you should not be in charge of a special needs child(ren) on your own, anyplace.
Have you had an enhanced DBS?
Have you had ANY training AT ALL.

This is taking this piss in my opinion.
I'm sorry, this is really unfair on you and putting you in a dangerous position

Good luck and proceed with caution.

I have an enhanced DBS. Safeguarding training was a school wide event about spotting abuse, and there was some general department training on early years curriculum. I've had no training regarding intimate care or anything personally yet

OP posts:
Widoeeyes · 07/09/2026 22:36

They are completely taking the piss here: especially paying under minimum wage and then providing no training.

Absolutely: escalate

twelfthdoctor · 07/09/2026 22:35

JLou08 · 07/09/2026 22:11

I worked in a preschool and this is standard. There was never any training on personal care, it's just expected that you will know which most people do, and you obviously did as you managed to change her. The children are new to the school so you and the rest of the staff team will all be getting to know them, the meltdown is likely to have occurred regardless of which member of staff changed them.
Safeguarding training was about what we need to report as a Safeguarding concern, signs of abuse etc, there was nothing in the training about delivering personal care.
It is your job as the TA to meet the needs of the children. Who did you think would be supervising the children and seeing to their personal care? It's well known that there are SEN children in all mainstream schools and reception children who will need personal care.
It does sound like it was a tough day, but I'm sure all EYFS teachers and TAs are finding it tough right now, it will get easier as the year goes on.

I always knew I'd have to do personal care and that SEN students will have meltdowns, of course that's part of the job. My issue was more that I wasn't given any info at all regarding the students needs, any PPE, and that I was left in a position where I was alone while a child was trying to injure themselves half dressed, and I couldn't go to get help without leaving a vulnerable child unattended, and that the teacher put me in that position by handing me a child in soiled clothing known to have severe meltdowns and pretty much told me to deal with it on my first day, and I wasn't sure if that is normal which is why I posted

OP posts:
maggisimpson · 07/09/2026 22:33

Hankunamatata · 07/09/2026 22:12

Iv never heard of TA apprenticeship, sounds tough

Tbh TA are just expected to muck in, do personal care esp reception class. Sadly LEAs dont provide enough special school places and sen kids are thrown into mainstream with minimal support. However i would expect to have completed safeguarding training and working with vulnerable children.

Iv never know two adults in school setting take a child to be cleaned and chnaged as frankly there isnt the staff. I dont think its a safeguarding issue to be asked to clean and change a child.

Have a chat with line manager about what is expected of you.

It is a safeguarding issue for a new unqualified member of staff with no training or supervision, and no knowledge of the school's intimate care policy or the child's care plan, to be carrying out personal care for a child with SEN with no information about that child's needs. It's an unsafe situation for adult and child.

And quite frankly other than that she has a pulse and a DBS check, the school doesn't know anything about the OP. Apprentices should be supervised until you are sure they are competent.

Thisisthecorrectresponse · 07/09/2026 22:33

It's interesting how many people are saying its wrong etc when really this is the reality of school life - in SEND schools and mainstream: under funded, under staffed, no time or money for training etc etc. Yet the same people would be outraged to hear about a child being left in their own faeces, that a child was denied school because they weren't toilet trained blah blah. SEND schools are full to bursting. Rightly or wrongly staff are expected to hit the ground running. This is a national issue and it is getting worse.
OP - in the morning, chat to your class teacher. Do you have a mentor as an apprentice? Perhaps ask them to develop and schedue some shadowing or training opportunities. There will be stuff online that you can access in your own time too. SEND teachers and TAs are amazing people. Its not for everyone and there's no shame in realising its not for you ultimately: I hope you get the support you need to love it! Good luck!

HotGrapefruit · 07/09/2026 22:32

God OP I’m raging on your behalf. This is terrible for you. Hope things improve.

BringBackCatsEyes · 07/09/2026 22:31

twelfthdoctor · 07/09/2026 21:53

The apprenticeship part starts soon but it will be early years educator course by an external provider, nothing to do with this specific school's policies and training

What does this mean?
Is this placement part of your apprenticeship?
I'm pretty sure no one should be providing intimate care w/o training, information and a sound knowledge of the school's policies.
These children must either have EHCP's or other plan in place and I'm pretty sure it will state that toileting will be carried out by someone with the appropriate training.

limetrees32 · 07/09/2026 22:31

Changeisstillpossible · 07/09/2026 21:51

How is this an apprenticeship (rather than just a low paid job), if there isn't any training? Surely safeguarding training and good practice should be a priority?

This ^

MyCatsAreFuckwitts · 07/09/2026 22:31

Hi OP, this is totally unacceptable.
No adult should be providing intimate care without another adult present.
This is rule number 1 in safeguarding, it is to protect YOURSELF from any allegations made against you.
At your level you should not be in charge of a special needs child(ren) on your own, anyplace.
Have you had an enhanced DBS?
Have you had ANY training AT ALL.

This is taking this piss in my opinion.
I'm sorry, this is really unfair on you and putting you in a dangerous position

Good luck and proceed with caution.

dancehysterical22 · 07/09/2026 22:28

Jk987 · 07/09/2026 21:36

The children should be wearing pull ups.

Not necessarily (SEN teacher)

maggisimpson · 07/09/2026 22:28

JLou08 · 07/09/2026 22:11

I worked in a preschool and this is standard. There was never any training on personal care, it's just expected that you will know which most people do, and you obviously did as you managed to change her. The children are new to the school so you and the rest of the staff team will all be getting to know them, the meltdown is likely to have occurred regardless of which member of staff changed them.
Safeguarding training was about what we need to report as a Safeguarding concern, signs of abuse etc, there was nothing in the training about delivering personal care.
It is your job as the TA to meet the needs of the children. Who did you think would be supervising the children and seeing to their personal care? It's well known that there are SEN children in all mainstream schools and reception children who will need personal care.
It does sound like it was a tough day, but I'm sure all EYFS teachers and TAs are finding it tough right now, it will get easier as the year goes on.

An apprentice on their first day should not be straight in doing the job of a full qualified member of staff.
They are there to learn.
Surely you had apprentices sometimes at your preschool? You didn't just send them alone with children on their first day, carrying out personal care?

twelfthdoctor · 07/09/2026 22:28

Yes I just joined one now and there's a wait but that's fine, better than me waiting until I really urgently need it and having to wait then

OP posts:
MrsHamlet · 07/09/2026 22:26

Oxo01 · 07/09/2026 22:24

Also some used to say you have to be a member for 6/ 8wks before any representation but that may have changed now.

Indeed. Although I have referred someone for casework who'd been a member for 24 hours - but that's absolutely not the norm.

Oxo01 · 07/09/2026 22:24

MrsHamlet · 07/09/2026 22:04

Not asap. Now. Do it now.

No union will represent you for anything that happened before you joined. You shouldn't have stepped through the doors without being a member.

Also some used to say you have to be a member for 6/ 8wks before any representation but that may have changed now.

YourWildAmberSloth · 07/09/2026 22:24

Unfortunately this has become part of being a teacher/teaching assistent in mainstream schools. A lot of posters have mentioned training on dealing with toileting care, but the fact that teachers might not want to do it, isn't even considered. You might expect it in nursery, but not working in a mainstream primary school. It will be more common as more children with SEND end up in mainstream schools, and with the increase in numbers of children without SEND starting school before they are toilet trained, and teachers are just expected to pick up the slack. That plus just managing the increasingly complex SEND needs in mainstream schools, its no wonder people are leaving the profession.

twelfthdoctor · 07/09/2026 22:23

geumsun · 07/09/2026 22:18

In terms of PPE, as an NHS nurse or HCA doing basic hygiene assistance I would have access to-

Gloves (s, m & l) - you need them to fit
Disposable Apron
Paper Mask
Wipes
A plastic bag for solied laundry
A bin specifically for used PPE & wipes

All right there, easy to grab/use, in whatever space I am dealing with my patient.

Plus obviously a sink and hand wash.

Short sleeves only. Hair tied back. No lanyard or anything that hangs down and could get contaminated. No jewellery.

Under no circumstances would I be expected to clean up a child or an adult without the above.

I was a bit gobsmacked that there were no bags! I had to hunt around and eventually was given a bag for life to use, a pair of gloves, and nothing else

OP posts:
twelfthdoctor · 07/09/2026 22:21

saraclara · 07/09/2026 22:15

Sorry to take a tangent, but this is a mainstream school and the teacher has multiple children who soil themselves, in one class? Plus the meltdowns? And she doesn't have a TA?

As for your problem, it should be absolutely fine for you to talk either to your teacher or to the person responsible for your apprenticeship, and say that your concerned that you haven't been advised about the safeguarding elements of toileing. That you don't know the schools protocol and you're feeling a bit concerned about how to protect the child and yourself.

Edited

There are three SEN students in our class. One has some trouble occasionally. One consistently soils herself and has frequent meltdowns. The other was not in today but will start tomorrow, and is also high needs. The other child who soiled himself was in the class next door, I was pulled in to do it as that TA was on lunch and the teacher was trying to assist with one I was struggling with and essentially told me to swap places

OP posts:
saraclara · 07/09/2026 22:21

geumsun · 07/09/2026 22:18

In terms of PPE, as an NHS nurse or HCA doing basic hygiene assistance I would have access to-

Gloves (s, m & l) - you need them to fit
Disposable Apron
Paper Mask
Wipes
A plastic bag for solied laundry
A bin specifically for used PPE & wipes

All right there, easy to grab/use, in whatever space I am dealing with my patient.

Plus obviously a sink and hand wash.

Short sleeves only. Hair tied back. No lanyard or anything that hangs down and could get contaminated. No jewellery.

Under no circumstances would I be expected to clean up a child or an adult without the above.

I taught in special schools for 30 years, and all those items were provided for our TAs, and they were obliged to use them.

geumsun · 07/09/2026 22:18

twelfthdoctor · 07/09/2026 21:44

I wasn't even given gloves at first. I had to ask for them and then they found some for me but that was it in terms of PPE. I asked for wipes too but was told we didn't have any and to just use tissue. EHCPs weren't mentioned at any point. And no, the children aren't in pull ups. The teacher said we need to sort out a toileting routine for her and told me that I should feel free to take her at a regular time so she gets used to it

In terms of PPE, as an NHS nurse or HCA doing basic hygiene assistance I would have access to-

Gloves (s, m & l) - you need them to fit
Disposable Apron
Paper Mask
Wipes
A plastic bag for solied laundry
A bin specifically for used PPE & wipes

All right there, easy to grab/use, in whatever space I am dealing with my patient.

Plus obviously a sink and hand wash.

Short sleeves only. Hair tied back. No lanyard or anything that hangs down and could get contaminated. No jewellery.

Under no circumstances would I be expected to clean up a child or an adult without the above.

twelfthdoctor · 07/09/2026 22:17

It was lunch time but I have been told that if SEN students are disruptive during class time I will be taking them out, either in a group or 1-1 in the playground. No midday supervisors

OP posts:
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