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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who is being unreasonable?

188 replies

Peedoff26 · 07/09/2026 20:13

Husband has form for ruining the lead up to every holiday with work deadlines. They always coincide with when we go away or any major milestone occasion or.birthday.

This week we are due to celebrate a significant wedding anniversary. Cue the famous deadline. It was so bad this time that I asked if we should cancel rather than go. A few hours before we were due to go to the airport he said he would only need to do a few hours and would bring the laptop.

He did 2 hours yesterday but in between was zoned out a lot of the time. Then today at 3pm he was still huffing and puffing about never catching a break and he didn't know how to fix the problem.

I lost it at this stage and stormed out and blocked him. We've spent a huge amount of money on 3 nights away and he is ruining it. I went off for 5 hours and saw some sights etc. When I came back he said the problem was fixed 20 minutes after I left (bear in mind he said he didn't know when it would be fixed). He is now saying I've ruined the day and is expecting that I would want to go for dinner and a drink with him.

I just feel so done. This is the first time I've ever blocked but I'm sick of it

OP posts:
Original poster
Peedoff26 · 07/09/2026 20:38

Whyherewego · 07/09/2026 20:33

I guess context matters. What is his position at work ? How stable is his job? Does he have a shit boss who insists on him working all hours? Or is he the boss and is just a workaholic. Very hard to know really
You are not unreasonable to be annoyed ! It's very annoying. Whether or not he could have avoided it or mitigated it better, none of us can say

The job is stable and the boss is nice. Its just everytime there is something going on it likes he escapes into work so he doesnt have to organise or help. And this time it went a step further with the laptop coming

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wheelhouse1717 · 07/09/2026 20:37

Some very strange replies on this thread. You are absolutely not being unreasonable. DP and I are away for three nights in November and I wouldn’t be absolutely beyond gutted if he announced he had to work whilst we were away, and that’s not for any particular celebration.

He should take his holiday like a normal person. It’s an utter joke.

Original poster
Peedoff26 · 07/09/2026 20:36

Fortheloveoffrogs · 07/09/2026 20:28

That’s making my blood boil on your behalf. I remember the feeling well. What’s the point of being together if his mind is elsewhere.

I had a ‘big important’ job too but managed to organise my time so I could step away.

It’s like they are saying it’s not as important. I mean if he doesn’t do this work will anyone die? Just how crucial is he that he has to sacrifice his anniversary celebration break? Or is he just a massive ego ‘I’m so important they can’t cope without me’.

Go out and do your own thing. Treat yourself. Don’t organise anything again. Go on your own.

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I didn't mind him doing a bit when we are away. And for those saying they have antisocial hours. So does he and often works well into the early hours..But why come on holiday if work takes over. Just cancel it

OP posts:
Glidinglikeaswan · 07/09/2026 20:36

TinaBeliever · 07/09/2026 20:23

Presumably he's quite senior. You can't just stop work when you're on holiday.

Yes, you can. I had a senior job for 8 years and only on about 5 occasions did I need to work when I was on holiday, which was in response to genuine work emergencies, triggered by events which happened outside our organisation. And if we'd had the mobile phones and internet we have today I could probably have sorted it in a few minutes on each occasion by delegating to my well-briefed and well-trained staff. On the other hand, I had colleagues at the same level who had to be forced to take their leave. No one in a large organisation is indispensable, so unless your husband is a sole trader he has no excuse for being such a bad manager of his workload and team.

Fortheloveoffrogs · 07/09/2026 20:36

HellsBells13 · 07/09/2026 20:26

He sounds performative and almost like he wants to put you in your place. Is he passive aggressive at all?

Yes!

Needmorelego · 07/09/2026 20:34

Peedoff26 · 07/09/2026 20:31

Seemingly everyone on Mumsnet thinks it's okay to work on holidays!

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Very odd thinking isn't it ?
If I were you I would start booking solo holidays.
Not literally solo if you don't want to be alone - a tour group might be good.
Go and have fun.
Leave Mr Workaholic at home.

Fortheloveoffrogs · 07/09/2026 20:34

Peedoff26 · 07/09/2026 20:24

So I should just hang around and wait while he works on holiday. And listen to him moaning away.

Yes. That’s what your role is. To hang off his every word and sympathise with him that his ‘very big important job’ is so ‘very big and important’ and you should be rubbing his feet and serving him tea. Your own wants and wishes are neither here nor there. You are merely an appendage to his main character energy.

Argh. I feel I’m projecting my anger about my ex onto your lump of a man. Sorry. It’s unleashed something! 😂

Anyway, next time book something with a friend or in your own and leave him
moaning at home!

Original poster
Peedoff26 · 07/09/2026 20:34

IStillHearTheWaves · 07/09/2026 20:28

Sadly, often not! With the salary and title comes the expectation that you're rarely fully off the clock.

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Sounds like crap work/life balance to me

OP posts:
Whyherewego · 07/09/2026 20:33

I guess context matters. What is his position at work ? How stable is his job? Does he have a shit boss who insists on him working all hours? Or is he the boss and is just a workaholic. Very hard to know really
You are not unreasonable to be annoyed ! It's very annoying. Whether or not he could have avoided it or mitigated it better, none of us can say

Original poster
Peedoff26 · 07/09/2026 20:33

Needmorelego · 07/09/2026 20:28

@Peedoff26 is he self employed?

No he isn't. I am

OP posts:
Original poster
Peedoff26 · 07/09/2026 20:31

Needmorelego · 07/09/2026 20:27

Really?
Isn't that what booking paid time off is for?
Time off work (not doing work) to go on holiday 🤷

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Seemingly everyone on Mumsnet thinks it's okay to work on holidays!

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 07/09/2026 20:31

IStillHearTheWaves · 07/09/2026 20:28

Sadly, often not! With the salary and title comes the expectation that you're rarely fully off the clock.

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I think that's illegal.
Everyone is entitled to time off and not have to work.
Even the Prime Minister can leave someone else in charge and it would have to be a major extreme reason to call them back to work.

Original poster
Peedoff26 · 07/09/2026 20:30

Rafiel · 07/09/2026 20:26

No, you can be disappointed but mature about it at the same time....

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Well after 25 years of this i had one lapse of maturity. Shame on me for wanting my husband to be on holiday. He had the option to cancel and I was fine with him bringing the laptop to do a bit. Working 8am to 4pm is not a bit

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Fortheloveoffrogs · 07/09/2026 20:28

Peedoff26 · 07/09/2026 20:22

And I wouldn't mind but I said should we cancel and he was adamant we didnt. It is a significant anniversary celebration and he has worked for most of it. And not quietly either. He is grumbling and moaning

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That’s making my blood boil on your behalf. I remember the feeling well. What’s the point of being together if his mind is elsewhere.

I had a ‘big important’ job too but managed to organise my time so I could step away.

It’s like they are saying it’s not as important. I mean if he doesn’t do this work will anyone die? Just how crucial is he that he has to sacrifice his anniversary celebration break? Or is he just a massive ego ‘I’m so important they can’t cope without me’.

Go out and do your own thing. Treat yourself. Don’t organise anything again. Go on your own.

IStillHearTheWaves · 07/09/2026 20:28

Needmorelego · 07/09/2026 20:27

Really?
Isn't that what booking paid time off is for?
Time off work (not doing work) to go on holiday 🤷

Show quote history

Sadly, often not! With the salary and title comes the expectation that you're rarely fully off the clock.

Needmorelego · 07/09/2026 20:28

@Peedoff26 is he self employed?

Original poster
Peedoff26 · 07/09/2026 20:27

TinaBeliever · 07/09/2026 20:23

Presumably he's quite senior. You can't just stop work when you're on holiday.

No he's not senior. He just cant seem to manage his workload. The sensible thing ti do would have been to cancel it but he preferred to work while moaning and wasting money on a hotel instead of celebrating an anniversary

OP posts:
Brightbluesomething · 07/09/2026 20:27

TinaBeliever · 07/09/2026 20:23

Presumably he's quite senior. You can't just stop work when you're on holiday.

Yes you absolutely can. He chooses not to.

AFPotts · 07/09/2026 20:27

How avoidable is all this extra last minute work?

Does he at least understand why you're frustrated?

IStillHearTheWaves · 07/09/2026 20:27

NotMajorTom · 07/09/2026 20:20

Yeah sometimes that happens. People have to work. Your reaction to is is over the top

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But if people want successful relationships as well careers, they also need to be the priority occasionally - like on a break for a significant anniversary.

Needmorelego · 07/09/2026 20:27

TinaBeliever · 07/09/2026 20:23

Presumably he's quite senior. You can't just stop work when you're on holiday.

Really?
Isn't that what booking paid time off is for?
Time off work (not doing work) to go on holiday 🤷

Brightbluesomething · 07/09/2026 20:26

So you’re married to a workaholic who doesn’t prioritise you even when you’re away celebrating your anniversary.
It’s totally understandable that you’d be annoyed.
So what are you going to do about it? You can vent here, although quite a few PP seem to be content with his behaviour. I wouldn’t be. He’ll probably keep doing it as work is more important to him than being present with his wife.

Rafiel · 07/09/2026 20:26

Peedoff26 · 07/09/2026 20:24

So I should just hang around and wait while he works on holiday. And listen to him moaning away.

No, you can be disappointed but mature about it at the same time....

HellsBells13 · 07/09/2026 20:26

He sounds performative and almost like he wants to put you in your place. Is he passive aggressive at all?

Original poster
Peedoff26 · 07/09/2026 20:25

TheJoyousHiker · 07/09/2026 20:23

You were perfectly right to get out and about if your DH had been working up until 3pm. Why should you sit and wait for him while he plays the part of being the person that the office can’t function without, it’s all an act to inflate his own ego.

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Its every holiday or occasion too. For 25 years

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