Who is being unreasonable?

That’s even worse. It’s not even just any old anniversary. It’s a really special one and a really special place. I’m so sorry OP. I don’t even think my ex would have done that (and it’s rare I find a positive in his behaviour). I think blocking him and going out is a mild reaction to be honest. I think this is devaluing and dismissing and I really think you need to have a serious talk with him.

I think the issue here would be if he was choosing to work on your breaks. He isn’t, he’s fed up with it and then you are making his life even harder.

We don’t plan our deadlines in many roles, they are imposed. It’s possible he could fix this by changing jobs so he works for a different boss, but equally it could be worse.

Do you not work that you don’t understand this?

Typical mumsnet, making a completely valid person feel insane for having feelings. Aren't we all supposed to be understanding of each other? No, OP, you're not being unreasonable, I'd be effing peed off too. Nobody has to work 24/7, it's about priorities.

Throughout the summer this year there have been SO many posts about spoilt man-children ruining family/couples holidays.

I wonder if someone has done a study into why they like to fuck things up for their families on what's meant to be a nice break from reality.

Well done on passing your test, @Peedoff26

He seems to be making a subconscious effort to ruin your holiday pleasure. surely the holiday didn’t come as a shock and he had time to ensure deadlines didn’t clash

op most people have work deadlines because they’re going to be on or maybe he’s trying to not come back to chaos. And the not able to manage his workload- do you not feel bad for him as opposed to irritated?

I am very senior in my job, and also run my own business on the side, and even I manage to mostly switch off on holiday bar the once a day check in on WhatsApp and deal with any small emergencies for approx 15 mins a day. Occasionally shit hits the fan and I need to properly work, but that's really rare. Either he's terrible at managing his time, or just uses work as an excuse to not spend time with you. Neither is good.

So he ruins important things for you and tries to sabotage your life. Probably deliberately since he gets upset with you because you dare to say he's upset you (DARVO) instead of apologising and making it up to you. Is he really worth it, considering you have at least another thirty years of his manipulation?

I don't, I think he's a complete arse and the OP should tell him to stick his job.

Bin him. He doesn’t care about you and hasn’t done for a long time.

For Christ's sake. Do you hear wooshing noises as points just go over your head?. It's not about the ruddy job.

I really would go home. I'd have flipped at this sabotaging bollocks ages ago. You're a lot more patient than me.

I hate the “culture” of having to work during paid annual leave.

OP YANBU.

It doesn’t matter what his level in the workplace Director or pleb ..he tells them / managers well in advance these days are his Silver Wedding anniversary and he won’t be contactable ..it’s the lowest most basic bar. Exactly what women do when their children are sick or have medical other appointments …if women can navigate this and work..so can he…we state our priorities

Sorry OP

You don't need to justify to anyone why you did it, not even your husband but you do have to ask your husband "what would work do if you dropped dead tomorrow?". The answer of course is that they would fill his position and in 3 months, maybe less, he'd be forgotten.

When you take that view your perspective on what's actually important shifts. Maybe it's a lesson he needs to learn, no one is indispensable.

@Peedoff26 no It’s not ok, eta, him working all hours on holiday.
I think in view of the occasion perhaps try and salvage what you can of the holiday.
At least have a glass of something and perhaps toast the future whatever it brings.

My dh worked in IT, his wage was good but the stress was awful and his senior manager was a nasty person, dh ended up taking early retirement due to ill health.

Bollocks to that. He needs to manage his time better. Even in IT deadlines can be managed. He needs to inform people in advance he is OOO.

IT sector - I understand this very well. My partner was being contacted late at night, and at weekends. It's not just the calls, it's the hour or two afterwards while he thinks out the solution, then the next call while he relays the solution and they input it. He wasn't getting paid for the extra time and I said he either bills for it, it stops, or I'm done.

It stopped.

Ah ok! If it's not important enough to justify it, he's being ridiculous. Worth delving into why he's doing this.....

Still ridiculous to block him. Can you not salvage your holiday and then address the issue when you get home?

Tons of misogynistic language in your post ..words that would never be applied to a man having boundaries

You say that he's very keen to have holidays just the two of you. Could this simply be a time-management problem?

Or a wild guess - did he grow up with a parent who always flew into a panic at the last minute before holidays and he's copying that pattern?